Chapter Eleven Laney
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LANEY
Two days later, I woke up and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before throwing up.
My eyes stung and my throat burned as I wiped my face and used mouthwash.
When it first happened two weeks ago, I figured it was all due to the stress of leaving Connor.
But things were okay. They were good right now.
He had cooked me dinner last night—it was basic pasta, but the fact that he tried mattered—and he walked me back to my parents’ at nine with nothing more than a kiss.
I had wanted to stay longer. I had wanted more, but he insisted we had to continue taking this slow. He was right, but I missed him. I felt a flicker of happiness, and not a fleeting one either.
So the stress sickness shouldn’t have come back. Maybe it was the pasta he cooked? Oh God. He’d feel terrible if he knew I got sick from it. The timing was right—food poisoning happened about twelve hours after eating. I almost laughed.
My husband wanted to prove to me he could change and instead made me sick.
It was almost funny. I quickly showered, curled my hair, and got ready for the day.
My first assignment from Becky for today was to photograph a bunch of high school students at the elementary schools bringing the kids presents and reading to them.
I remembered that tradition growing up, and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the afternoon. Capturing all that joy.
I spent extra time on my hair, like the additional hair spray and attention would hide the fact that my stomach swirled with acid. I should probably grab a Sprite before heading to the school.
“Laney! Your man is here.”
My dad’s voice made me smile. I told my parents the plan for December, and they repeated the same thing they always said—they wanted me happy and would support me no matter what happened.
They also encouraged me to listen to Connor, really listen to him, because after forty years of marriage, they said that miscommunication was the root of all evil.
“Okay, he can come in!” I shouted back, eyeing my red dress or dark green one. The evergreen was one of my favorite colors, and I had gold jewelry to wear with it. Yeah, I’d wear this. I slipped it on just as the floor creaked outside my room.
“Thanks for the permission, but I’m already in.”
“Connor.” I spun, smiling as he leaned against the doorframe to my bedroom. He wore jeans and a dark navy sweater that clung to his chest. My stomach flip-flopped due to how attractive he was.
“Hi.”
“That dress looks incredible on you.” His gaze heated as he eyed me head to toe slowly returning his eyes to my face. “Damn, Laney.”
“Stop,” I teased, but I felt my face flush regardless.
“No.” He pushed off the frame and met me in front of my dresser, standing behind me so we both stared at the mirror. His eyes burned me in the reflection, so much love and affection there.
“I’m not going to stop telling you how beautiful and amazing you are.”
He kissed my collarbone and ran one hand up and down my hip, moving up my arm and tilting my neck back slightly.
“I’m obsessed with your body. Every part of you. I always have been.”
I shuddered as he tugged my earlobe between his teeth, and heat pooled between my thighs.
“Connor,” I moaned, leaning into his chest until he supported my weight. “What are you—”
“Shh.” He kissed my neck, and then turned me around to kiss me on my mouth. He kissed me slowly, taking his time tasting me to the point I was burning up. I moaned against his mouth, causing him to laugh.
“I swear I didn’t come here to get you riled up.”
“Ugh.” I rested my forehead on his chest, my own breath coming out in pants. “Well, I’m riled up, damn it.”
He laughed, the deep chuckle as welcome as my favorite playlist. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.
He sighed. “Fuck, I’ve missed your Laney burrito hugs.”
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” I smiled against him. “Come be my burrito, baby.” I grabbed my blanket and wrapped us up real tight. I used to do this all the time when we started dating. Connor thought it was goofy, but it became an inside joke that died a few years ago.
He remained a statue, minus his hand moving up and down my spine in taps of three. “I came here to tell you in person that I have to head to the office today.”
Just like that, all the joy zapped out.
We were in our snow globe here. The city was not included.
“Baby, I can feel you tensing. I promise I’ll come back.”
I tried breaking the hug, but he held me tighter. “No, I’m not done with you.”
“Connor, you should leave. It’s a long drive.”
“Sure, but that can wait.” He tilted my chin up, his gaze boring into mine. “I don’t like how you’re stressing. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I hesitated, the urge to remain quiet choking me. It would be silly or weak to tell him I was worried he wouldn’t come back. Or four days would go by before he remembered me at home.
“I’m not leaving here until we talk this out. This matters. We matter. Now, we promised honesty. Please tell me why you tensed up.”
He spoke so softly. How could I deny him?
“This feels familiar. Us being good, then you going to work and… then we go back to what we were before where you forget about me.”
He nodded, concern etched on his face.
“I’ve never forgotten you, but I can see how it felt that way. There’s a few things I have to do in person, then I’m coming straight back. I will text you when I get there and when I’m leaving. Can I call on my way back?”
“Sure.”
“Baby, your face has your emotions all over it. I’m coming back, okay? I promise.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll see you when you get back.” I forced a smile. This was stupid. We couldn’t live in this bubble forever. He’d have to go back to work eventually. “Thank you for telling me.”
His jaw flexed as he cupped my face, his gaze lingering on my lips. “Send me some photos from today, okay?”
“I will.”
He kissed me once, twice, his lips lingering before he sighed. “I don’t want to fucking leave you. This is hard for me too, okay? No part of me enjoys this, but it has to be done. So I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Tomorrow it is.”
He released me and walked out but paused at the doorway and stared at me. His mouth opened and closed. Then he tapped the door and walked.
“Wait!”
He immediately ran back, hope on his face.
“Drive safe, okay? I’m gonna miss you.”
“I will.” He smiled—this one genuine. “I love you, Laney.”
“You too.”
He put a hand on his heart, smiling as he walked backward and right into the hallway wall.
“Damn it!”
“Smooth.” I snorted. “So sexy.”
“Shut it.” He rubbed his side, but the amusement was clear on his face.
“Have an amazing time today. I can’t wait to hear about it.”
This time, when he walked away, my heart wasn’t as heavy. Maybe this time would be different. That bead of hope that I held on to for dear life flared, taunting me. It’s never going to be different. He’ll win you over but then disappoint you.
I pushed the voice away. We were trying for a month. It was only December 6. We had time.
“Laney freaking Whitfield! Get your face over here!”
“No way! Laney!”
It was reassuring and strange to see so many high school friends as teachers.
These kids had no idea who their teachers used to be, but it was a wonderful cycle of life.
These teens wouldn’t get away with anything, not with Tessa Farmington and Travis Cornerstone as their teachers.
Tessa had been the queen of mischief, Travis second in line.
Throw in Matt, and these were my three closest friends growing up.
“You look amazing. It’s not even fair.” Tessa hugged me hard, putting all her body weight on me. She smelled like a walking snickerdoodle and she passed me to Travis so we all ended up in a weird group hug.
“Look at you all fancy with your camera and shit.”
“Stop, Travis! She’s a big deal now.”
“Guys, I’m not a big deal.” I shoved them off me, the strong smell of Travis’s cologne making my stomach roll. It wasn’t that it smelled bad, it was just too much. “I can’t believe you both ended up in the classroom. That is wild.”
“If you stayed on social media, you’d know.” Tessa arched a brow. “Ms. I’m-going-to-leave-my-hometown-and-disappear,” she added.
I blushed.
“Yeah, I’m the worst at staying in touch.”
“Don’t make her feel bad, T.” Travis put his arm around me.
“As someone who also refuses to show my face online, I appreciate the mystery. I just happened to never leave town, and everyone knows everything about me,” Tessa said.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you. Ah! We need to grab dinner. Tonight. Tomorrow. When?”
“You have zero fucking chill,” Travis scoffed, rolling his eyes and squeezing me.
“But for real. Wanna grab food tonight at the pizzeria?”
“Are we talking about pizza?”
My stomach tightened at that voice. Matt Heathen. Travis held out his fist for a bump, which Matt returned, but his eyes were on me.
“Laney, are you still obsessed with pineapple on pizza?”
I scrunched my nose. “I feel like your tone is suggesting that there is a right or wrong answer here.”
“There is.” He grinned and smoothed his shirt. He wore dark-framed glasses, a black plaid shirt, and khakis. He looked adorable. We hadn’t set up our drinks to catch up yet, but a group gathering made more sense. “It’s an abomination.”
“Disagree. It’s perfection.”
“Aw, you two are bickering like it’s 2008 again. I love it. I need a photo of the four of us!” Tessa handed her phone to one of the students lingering in the hallway, and before we had a moment to protest, I was wedged between Travis and Matt with Tessa on Matt’s right.
“Our class will love this.” Tessa grinned but snapped her gaze down the hall. “If my seniors are acting up right now, I will lose my mind. Excuse me.” She took off where three senior boys were laughing hard. Travis followed, his familiar voice causing the boys to sober up fast.
“I gotta say, it is nice seeing you here back at school.” Matt’s cheeks turned pink. “So many memories here, you know?”
We both stared at the lockers a few feet away. Mine was there, and we spent a lot of time kissing in front of that locker. My skin heated as my stomach twisted with guilt.
“I do know,” I said, unsure if I could look at him. “I should—”
“Laney, hey.” He took my hand and immediately dropped it. I faced him, conflicted and unsure what to do.
I had loved him years ago. I cared for him. I wanted him happy, but this in-between with Connor put me in a very weird headspace.
“What is it?”
“The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. I realize I did when I mentioned the memories. Please know that I am not hitting on you. Unless you want me to? Then please, tell me, because I would. But I’m not. I want to hear about your life. That’s all, okay?”
Damn. Matt was so freaking sweet, even now. My eyes watered at the gentle genuineness to him. He had always been that way, so in tune with others’ feelings. He’d overcommunicate to the point that it was almost annoying. Now? It was so appreciated.
“Thank you. That was… I needed that.”
“I had a feeling.” He grinned and held out his arms.
“Friends, yeah?”
I hugged him back, relief flooding through me. “Definitely friends.”
“Cool.” He patted my back and released me. “I gotta wrangle my freshmen into submission. These kids, dude, I swear. The pandemic made them wild animals.”
“Charm them with your dad jokes.”
“I am in my dad-joke era.”
“You kinda always were in that era, Matt.”
He laughed.
“It’s good to see you, Laney. Pizza is on me tonight. As a friend.”
I waved, watching him disappear down the hall. There was a nostalgic magic to being at my high school again with my old friends. I knew my place here. I knew where I fit. I didn’t in the city.
I had Sophia. I had Newt, sometimes. But besides them? I didn’t have a community. I used to, here. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now. I often felt like an island, waiting for Connor to come visit me. Soph was there and was my rock, but she had an entire community without me.
What if I truly wanted to stay here?
We both knew Connor would never leave his company. I would never ask him to. But did I want to go back to the city, to our condo where I spent all my time alone?
My gut knew the answer, but I pushed it away.
It wouldn’t do any good to think about it now.
My stomach churned, and I cursed the dang pasta from last night.
I ran to the bathroom and got sick, found some gum, and put on my game face.
I was here to take photos, and I’d take the best damn photos this town has seen.
I’d channel all my energy into the event and not the fact I wanted to live here. Connor would never be happy.