Chapter 30
Being back in my apartment, sans corpse, is even more eerie than when I found him a couple of hours ago.
It’s darker and colder. And not because Shawn and Gus are staying with Connor and Maddie. A certain brooding agent has cooled the temperature in here immensely.
Every noise in the complex seems to bounce around, dying in my apartment like Justin did. I pass the now-empty bathroom and stiffen.
Justin is dead.
Why it hits me so hard at this moment, when I’ve known for hours, doesn’t make sense. I found his body, and I was questioned in a police station for murder. Standing here now, his body removed from the scene, it should feel better, like maybe it was all a dream I can imagine away. But instead, it”s hauntingly real. There’s a hole in the world that should have been him. Right next to the hole that should have been my parents.
A sob clenches in my throat.
I shouldn’t have come back. Nothing in here matters to me anymore. Nothing feels like mine and I don’t want any of it.
“Do you need help?” Caleb asks and for the hundredth time, I’m glad he’s here with me. Even if he’s only here out of duty.
I shake my head and move to my room. His phone rings and I hear him speaking to his partner. I don’t even bother to eavesdrop. Pulling a suitcase out from under my bed, I fill it up with everything I can imagine keeping after this horrific night. I’m never coming back here. I want to purge everything.
But it’s still a crime scene in an active investigation.
I’ll pack up what I want to keep. Then I’ll hire someone else to clear the apartment so I never have to see it again.
Walking around my room, I accidentally kick an old box of crafts and hobby supplies I tried to do once upon a time. I crouch down by the box, picking through the many half-done items. I used to see that box and feel embarrassed by the girl who could never decide on one thing. But death has a way of putting things in perspective. I may have been scared to commit to one thing, but I was never afraid to live. Through each of those experiences, I found a piece of myself. Why do I need to settle on one thing when I constantly yearn to learn more? That’s a good thing. I’ve had adventures, and love, and will continue to create more for the rest of my life. I”m proud of who I am.
I stand and move to my dresser, pausing when I get to my jewelry box. It’s lying on its side on top, the contents spilling out. The dogs can’t jump up this high. Did I knock it over by accident?
The blood slows in my veins.
Justin said he was looking for the ring he gave me, which means he probably checked around before he was…um…unalived. I pull out the bottom drawer and there it is.
He didn’t find it.
“Is that the ring Justin wanted?” Caleb asks from over my shoulder. His nearness causes me to drop it.
Caleb kneels and scoops it up. He holds it in the air, examining it in the light. He looks like he’s proposing, and after this wild night, my brain is no longer functioning properly.
“Yes.” I clap my hands over my mouth. Did I really say that out loud?
Caleb purses his lips and stands up. “Yes, what?”
I swallow. “The um, ring. That’s what he was looking for.” Not yes, I’ll marry you. I really need to go to bed.
He frowns, studies the ring, then me. “You know this diamond is fake.”
“Yes. So is the metal. It turned my finger green.” I open my sock drawer and pull out the empty lipstick tube holding my mother’s very real ring and stick it in my suitcase.
“He couldn’t sell this for a nickel,” Caleb says, still staring dumbfounded at the ring. Without asking to keep it, he sticks the ring in his pocket. “Maybe it will be important. Are you almost done?”
I toss in a few more necessities and nod. Caleb carries the suitcase, opening the front door for me.
“Amelia? Is that you?”
“Gary.” I rush to hug him.
He hugs me back with a strength that belies his failing mind, his arms trembling around my shoulders. “They carried a body out; I thought it was you.”
“I’m fine. I promise.” I squeeze him once more before pulling back, then looping my arm through his. “It’s been…a weird day. How about I come over and tell you about it sometime?” I say, already vowing never to tell this poor man what really happened.
He nods and rubs his eyes. “Okay. I’ll make some tea.”
I steer him back toward his apartment. “That sounds perfect.”
He opens the door to his apartment and steps inside. “You’ll be back?”
It breaks my heart that he has to ask because everyone in his life disappears, either in his memory or to their own homes.
“Of course.” He shuts the door and I follow Caleb to the car, but my feet are on autopilot. I’m not sure how they are still moving when my body feels like it’s been run over repeatedly. What if it had been me?
It was real before now, but something about a kind old friend worrying about you puts things into perspective.
I could have freaking died!