3
Leo lived by himself in a tiny studio apartment similar to mine. He had a double bed squeezed against the singular window, which looked out at the city lights. His kitchenette was smaller than mine — no oven, just a sink and electric stovetop, and there was a door that led to what I assumed was the bathroom. His desk was pretty large, though, and was currently covered in paper and card along with a half-completed model.
We took our shoes off at the entrance, and Leo hurried past me to tidy his desk.
“Is that a project for uni?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s due at the end of this week. Here’s my Xbox.” He gestured at the TV on the wall opposite the bed’s headboard. He fiddled with the console and passed me a wireless controller before taking one himself. Then, he got onto his bed, sitting up against the headboard with a pillow to support his back. I got myself seated next to him. I assumed he’d have a couch we’d play on first, but I couldn’t fault him for having a small apartment, and besides, sitting here made things a lot more efficient.
He booted up the game, and it took me a while to get used to the Xbox controls. Leo had no hesitation touching my hands to instruct me which buttons to press, and every time he did, I’d suck my stomach in, thinking he was making a move, but then he’d turn his focus back to the game.
As he said, he made us play creative mode, and we decided to build a huge mansion, albeit a very simple and geometric one. It was fascinating watching Leo play, eyes never leaving the screen, giving me direct orders on what things to build, but then there’d be moments his seriousness would melt away, and we’d laugh together as we played.
While I was enjoying the game, after half an hour, I was wondering when we’d get to it. I had no problems initiating, but since Leo was the one who invited me to his home, he should be in charge of the pace we took things.
It’s not that I was impatient. Okay, maybe a little bit. But after sitting next to a tall, good-looking guy, with the anticipation of sex, my dick had started to perk up.
Maybe he was shy. Although most of the time he seemed effortlessly talkative, just because someone was confident in public didn’t mean they were confident in bed.
Or maybe it wasn’t shyness, exactly. Maybe he just wanted someone else to take charge. If so, that just meant we were even more compatible than I thought.
I shifted so I was closer to him, the sides of our arms pressed together. He glanced at me, brows raised, but turned his attention to the screen. “I’m thinking we add a wall of shelves here to make a library. What do you think?”
I hummed in agreement.
Five minutes passed. Still nothing but Minecraft.
When another ten minutes passed with not a single move on his end, only “nice choice of carpet” and “let’s add some windows here”, I lost my patience. “Do you want to take a break?” I asked, putting my controller down.
“Sure,” he said, pausing the game and setting his controller beside the bedspread. “Do you want something to drink? Water? I should’ve asked earlier —” He moved as if to head towards the kitchenette, and I yanked him back.
“No, that’s okay, thank you. Unless you’re thirsty.”
“Nah, not really.”
He looked at where I was holding his arm. I slowly slid my grasp to his hand. “You have nice hands.”
“I do?”
“Mmm-hmm. Big.”
“Uh. Thanks.” His hand was limp in mine, but he wasn’t pulling away either.
I furrowed my brow at him. “You have done this before, right?” It was a stupid question because, of course, someone as attractive and charismatic as him had.
He blinked once. “Done what?”
Okay. He was playing coy. I could do that.
I touched his hand to my mouth and gently kissed the back of it. He stiffened but didn’t pull away. Instead, his fingers trembled ever so slightly.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice higher than usual.
It was pretty self-explanatory. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked softly.
“Um. No. If you want to, you can. I’ve just never had anyone do that before.” He swallowed thickly. “Kiss my hand, that is. I feel like a lady from the regency period.” He laughed, but it sounded shrill.
I gave up on his hand, dropping it gently. It flopped onto my lap, and Leo left it there, with only a bedspread separating his palm from my now-wilting erection.
“Maybe we should just be direct,” I said.
He nodded, eyes wide.
“What’s your preference?”
“My…preference?”
“I’ll go first,” I offered. “I’m a top.”
That hung in the air for a bit. Maybe he wasn’t saying anything because he was a top too and wanted to delay an awkward conversation.
A second passed.
Then another.
“Top of what?” he said.
I stared at him. He stared back.
Maybe he’d misheard. “A top,” I enunciated my words to ensure they were clear. “I’m a top. What about you?”
“Are you saying you’re number one in something? Like the best? Sorry, I —” he noticed his hand was still limp in my lap and snatched it back “— I’m just a little confused.” He laughed nervously.
Part of me felt bad for the guy, but mostly, I was confused myself. Maybe he didn’t discuss positions and just got to it.
“Would it be okay if I kissed your neck?” I asked.
He blinked once, slowly, and now there was no doubt about it — his cheeks were turning pink. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh. Well.”
“You can say no,” I said.
“No, I, uh…I don’t mind. I think.”
I raised a brow. “You think?”
“I don’t mind,” he repeated more confidently. “You can do it if you want to.”
It wasn’t exactly ringing enthusiasm, but some guys were shy at the start and took a while to warm up. I leaned forward and kissed the soft skin of his neck. He was smooth against my lips, but then his skin became rougher when I moved under his jaw, hints of stubble coarse against my lips. It was another manly part about him, like his height, his shoulders, and the low noise he let out when I started to suck ever so gently. He sounded shocked, but not like he was uncomfortable or repulsed, so I kept at it.
Then my phone chimed with a notification.
“Sorry, I’ll turn it off,” I said, pulling away. I didn’t want any more noises to interrupt us, especially after we had removed our clothes. There was nothing worse than your mum calling you when you were balls deep inside a guy.
I pulled out my phone, intending to turn it off, when I saw the notification was an email from 1137Fine.
Strange. When had Leo had a chance to email me?
“Is everything okay?” Leo asked, sounding slightly out of breath.
“Fine,” I said, tapping on the email. “I’m just going to…”
I trailed off as the full message popped up on my screen.
Edwin,
I expect you won’t respond to this message or even see it because it’s highly likely you have already blocked me, but on the slim chance you haven’t, I’d like to tell you that I don’t appreciate being stood up.
I waited, as we agreed, at the Professors Lane Cafe at 3:30 for twenty-five minutes. Maybe twenty-five minutes isn’t a lot to you, but it is to me. Frankly, twenty-five minutes is a pathetically long amount of time to wait — I should have left earlier — but I kept convincing myself that perhaps you were just late. There was no way someone would ask to meet and not bother to show up.
So thank you for wasting my time. It’s a blessing we didn’t meet if you’re the kind of person who treats others this carelessly.
Regards,
Atticus.
I read the email again. Then, once more. My body felt strange — my fingers were cold, dread surging through my body, but my face felt aflame. Leo was asking me something, but I wasn’t sure what. His voice muffled because all I could hear was the rush in my ears.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I said, pushing myself off the bed. “I won’t be too long, sorry about this.”
Once in the bathroom with the door firmly closed behind me, I clutched onto the sink and stared at myself in the mirror.
Oh god. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.
I ran through all of the events of the afternoon. Not once had Leo referenced our emails or my LULL post. He’d never explicitly introduced himself as Fine. Instead, he approached me with a compliment, but what he really wanted was to know whether I was in line at the coffee shop.
Then I’d struck up a conversation, ordered with him, and paid for him before asking him to go to a puppy cafe. Then we had dinner and went to his apartment, where I started kissing his neck like an absolute psycho.
I wanted the floor to swallow me up. I wanted to run out of the bathroom and his apartment without looking at his face because this was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
He must’ve thought I was totally insane.
I paused, blinking at my reflection. My actions were insane, but he never acted like I was weird. The most he did was look slightly alarmed or surprised before easily returning to a carefree demeanour. Even when I grabbed his hand and started kissing the back of it — the thought made me cringe so hard, I had to shut my eyes — he just took it in stride. Any normal guy would’ve thrown me off.
I pushed the bathroom door open and walked to the bed, where Leo sat, back straight, hands in his lap, forehead creased.
“There’s been a misunderstanding,” I said.
He didn’t reply, so I went on. “Last week, I submitted a post to LULL auctioning myself off to meet a potential boyfriend. A guy responded to the post, and we have been emailing. I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. We planned to meet today, at 3:30, at Professors Lane cafe. When you came up to talk to me, I mistakenly thought you were the guy.”
Leo was silent for a long moment. “That does make a lot of sense,” he said. “I just thought you were super friendly and spontaneous.” He laughed, but it sounded forced.
“Didn’t you think the way I asked you to come to a puppy cafe was strange?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Looking back at it, maybe, but it sounded like a fun idea in the moment.”
“So you often hang out with total strangers?”
“If we seem to get along, why not? I’m always up to make new friends.”
“New friends,” I repeated. “Okay, sure. That’s why we went to the puppy cafe and to the pizza restaurant and here as well. But didn’t you think it was weird when I started kissing your hand?”
His eyes flicked away. “Well, uh, yes.”
“Then why didn’t you say anything?”
Leo flinched. “I didn’t want to embarrass you. I figured you were just a touchy guy.”
“I kissed your neck,” I said. “I asked you if I could kiss your neck, and you said yes.” A thought occurred to me. “Are you even gay?”
“No. Are you?”
“Yes,” I said, with increasing impatience. I took a breath to reel it in because, despite this being the most mortifying moment of my existence, it wasn’t an excuse to lose my temper. “Yes,” I repeated, more calmly, “hence the LULL post to find a boyfriend.”
“Oh. Right. Yes.”
“If you’re not gay, and you didn’t think this was a date but a platonic and spontaneous hang out, why did you let me kiss your neck?”
I thought of how I’d asked him, my voice soft and low. My bedroom voice. I was trying to seduce him, and now I wanted to move to a different country and change my name and get facial reconstruction surgery.
“Well, I…” Leo began, mumbling.
“If you say you didn’t want to embarrass me, I swear to god —” I started.
“No, that’s not it. I mean, maybe a little bit. But it felt…nice, I guess. Even though I’m straight,” he added. His body relaxed as he shifted closer to me. “Hey, what’s the big deal? If you think about it, it’s kind of funny.”
I covered my face with my hands. “It’s not funny,” I replied, voice muffled. “I’m so embarrassed I want to cry.”
“Don’t be,” he said. “I’m flattered you think I’m attractive enough that you wanted to kiss me.”
“I thought you were making a move, inviting me here.” My voice sounded precariously close to a wail. “The whole time we were playing Minecraft, I was waiting to get to it.”
“To…have sex?” Leo asked.
“Yeah.” Even covering my face with my hands didn’t assuage my shame. “I did wonder why you seemed so focused on the game, but that’s because — oh my god.”
A feather-light touch on my arm made me lower my hands.
“It’s okay,” Leo said. He’d moved to the edge of the bed, so he was right in front of me. “You’re acting like it’s worse than it actually is.”
“No, I’m not. It is this bad.”
“It isn’t,” he said calmly. “I’m not judging you. I don’t think you’re weird or insane. We had a fun time, didn’t we?”
“I guess,” I admitted after a second. Then I thought of the way I’d looked up at him with sultry eyes and fought the urge to collapse to the floor.
Get a hold of yourself. It’s only the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened in the history of human civilisation.
“It’s a funny story,” Leo continued. “In a few weeks, you’ll be laughing about this.”
“I doubt it,” I muttered.
He touched my arm once more before letting go. When I looked at him, he gave me a soft smile. “It really is okay,” he said. “Look at the silver lining — we’re friends now.”
“You still want to be friends after all this?”
“Why not? I like you.”
The words distracted me from my embarrassment for a millisecond. I tried to keep a neutral expression. “Do you really want to be friends with someone who was prepared to fuck you?”
Leo shrugged like it was nothing, but his eyes flickered away. “It’s no big deal, just a side-effect of the misunderstanding.” He smiled. “If you’re cool with it, then I am.”
Did I really want to be friends with Leo? Obviously, I liked him. There was a reason I started kissing his neck. It wasn’t just physical either — it was easy and fun to talk to him.
“Yeah. Why not?” I said.
Leo smiled shyly at me, up through his lashes. I mentally moved him from the ‘potential boyfriend’ box to the ‘friend’ box and told myself sternly not to forget.
“Well,” I said, straightening up, “I should probably go so I can finish my freak-out in the comfort of my own home.” I passed him my phone so he could put in his details, and afterwards, he walked me down to the ground floor, which wasn’t necessary but appreciated.
“Well, goodbye,” I said, giving him an awkward wave. It felt too awkward to hug him like I did with most of my friends, which was weird because fifteen minutes ago, I was ready to have sex with him. However, he wrapped me up in a big hug before I could go. Not a bro hug where guys slap each other on the back and avoid pressing up against each other. No, Leo squeezed me like a teddy bear, and when he pulled back, he was grinning.
“See ya, Eddie,” he said.
I dashed off as fast as I could.