12. Zoe
Zoe
Viv pushes her book away from her before throwing her head back and groaning.
“It’s only the third week of classes. Why are we studying right now?”
“You don’t need to study this much,” I remind her. “I do. I wasn’t exactly a killer student in university. I’m behind.”
She waves my words away. “Like I’d let you study on your own on a Friday.”
“You did for the last two weeks.”
“Well, that was before I knew you weren’t doing anything! I just assumed you were with Warren. When I saw him last weekend, and you weren’t together, I realized my mistake.”
I don't want to think about what Warren is doing at those parties, so I don't. I shove the thought down.
Viv rests her chin on the heel of her hand. “I didn’t realize my new bestie was such a study bug.”
I’ve told her I need a little extra study time, but she doesn’t know just how much. I know about the Gods in the way we tell children about them. Everything I learned at university went in one ear and out the other.
It is obvious now that it wasn’t a good idea to slack off. I took for granted that everyone was required to attend the Institute, so I didn’t think my grades mattered all that much.
“You don’t have to stick around with me. You can go party, if you want.”
She clicks her tongue at me. “Nuh uh. If you’re not coming with me, I’m not going. If you happen to change your mind after I stare at you for forty minutes without blinking, then that’s your decision.”
I close Earnings of Earth, where I was studying the common traits all of Kashmyre’s Blessed Alphas share, with a dramatic, over-the-top sigh.
“Okay, fine. I suppose I need to see what all the fuss about these parties is."
She squeals in excitement and jumps to her feet. “Come on, then, we have to get you dressed.”
What is it with my friends and wanting to dress me? I admire the way Viv commands a room whenever she walks in it, and how Warren somehow manages to look masculine and beautiful no matter how he dresses, but it's not something I've thought about for myself.
It’s not that I don’t want to dress beautifully or femininely, and I certainly don’t look down at those who do. But I don’t see the point at school. I’m in classes all day, sitting at desks and tables. Why do I need to wear heels for that?
If I had a date, I’d dress up. I know what to wear for high-class events and how to dress comfortably, even if it makes me look like a young boy.
There’s no middle ground for me.
Viv drags me out of the library and back to her room. It’s almost the same layout as mine, with an opposite view and two floors lower. She flips through the clothes hanging on a rod in the corner, looking at me over her shoulder every few moments.
Eventually, my friend makes a triumphant sound and pulls out two dresses.
“It’s casual, okay? Just people hanging out around a bonfire and drinking. But it’s your first one, and I want you to make an impression. It’s not just Betas at these parties.” She waggles her eyebrows. “So if you want to bring an Alpha home…”
“No, thank you. I’m not looking to bring anyone home with me.
” The idea of having just anyone in my bed makes me feel queasy.
I’m not sure why, but it’s probably because of my cycle.
I’ve heard women talk about how, about two weeks before their periods, they’re insatiable, but I suppose I’m the opposite.
“Regardless. Put this on.”
The dress she shoves at me is pretty and understated, and not much different than some of the soft cotton ones hanging in my closet.
It has more structure in the bodice and a subtle damask pattern, but the fabric feels the same.
I turn my back to her and step out of my casual pants and top, then pull on the dress.
It fits well, falling just above my knees, with a neckline that dips low enough to show off the base of my breastbone. It’s reinforced with mock boning, keeping the deep ‘v’ of the neck in place so I can move about without fear of my breasts falling out.
“I knew that color would look great on you. It makes your eyes pop.”
It surprises me that I feel so confident wearing this. I put on my white sandals and hold my hands out before spinning around.
“Do you approve?”
She hums happily. “I do. Let me get dressed, and we’ll head out.” She quickly braids her hair, paints her lips red, and pulls on a pair of high-waisted trousers in the same shade, along with a cropped black shirt.
“You look incredible,” I tell her, and mean it. “People are going to be all over you.” I don’t know if she’s into women or men, but that doesn’t matter. Every eye will be on her, no doubt.
“Too bad for them, I’m bringing a date.” She loops her arm with mine and guides me out the door.
The party is deep in the forest, off the path, and near the pond where I first met Dominic.
It’s not a huge gathering, but it’s enough to make me a little uncomfortable.
I haven’t taken the time to get to know anyone except Viv and the people in my Menagerie group.
Being around so many new faces makes me feel like I need to put on an act to impress them.
Viv heads straight for a folding table and grabs two cups, filling them up from a deep bowl of purple liquid. When she places one in my hand, I curl my lip.
“What is this?”
“Punch. It’s different every time, so no telling if it’s good this go-round. Try it.” She takes a sip and waves a hand, encouraging me on, so I raise mine and take a tentative drink.
It’s not bad. The bite of alcohol is there, but a rich, fruity taste nearly drowns it out. I take a second sip, and it’s even better.
“Okay, this is good. Who made it?”
She shrugs and grabs my hand, pulling me closer to the fire. “Who cares? It’s delicious.”
Around a bonfire, people sit on logs, most chatting or groping at one another, but a few have guitars and play a soft melody.
When we find a free log, we sit down, and I stretch my feet closer to the fire.
They spark and jump, the orange, red, blue, and white flames seeming to dance in the moonlight.
The night is clear and almost a little warm, but I don’t feel uncomfortable by the fire. In fact, I find myself relaxing more, the soft crackling a balm for my busy brain. My skin feels tight, but not in a bad way, as the heat washes across it.
“So. You and Warren…” Viv’s sentence trails off as she takes another drink.
“Are just friends. Always have been.”
“Okay, but do you want there to be more?”
That's the question, isn't it? I won't deny that I'm starting to feel something for Warren, but maybe it's just a side effect of homesickness, and he as always felt like home. “Our parents have always talked about us getting married. We avoid the topic.” I take another sip of my punch, feeling it loosen my tongue. “We don’t need it getting in the middle of our friendship right now. We can address it when we’re done here, when we figure out how to adjust to our new lives and careers. "
There is no rush to examine my feelings around Warren bringing people home. I can bury that for later.
She angles her body closer to me and away from the fire. “What if he doesn’t move back to your hometown? Will you follow him?”
A month or two ago, I probably would’ve said yes. I want to say yes. But the words get stuck in my throat. I scoot closer to the fire, letting its warmth wrap around me. “Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I need to figure that out before anything else.”
“Well, if you need someone to bounce career ideas off of, I’m here.
I’ve had my career plan in place since I was small.
” Viv drains her cup, and I know the alcohol is hitting her as her eyes are already taking on a hazy quality.
“If I don't get a job in government, I would want to be a professor. History. Teaching people about the Gods and their Blessings.”
I didn’t realize she was so devout, but she was homeschooled because of it, so it’s not all that surprising.
Maybe I should let her know just how many gaps there are in my knowledge. I don’t think Viv would judge me. She'd help me get up to speed.
Before I can admit how behind I am, she stands up. “I need another drink. You want one?”
I toss the rest of my drink back and hand her my cup in answer, and she saunters off.
I’m only alone for a few moments, lost in thought as I stare at the fire, when a weight hits the log next to me.
“I know your secret, Zoe.”