22. Zoe
Zoe
I should be studying, but every time I try to focus on the text, my mind wanders and my skin itches. A dragon lives inside me, and I know nothing about what that means.
It took me a while to recover from the rejection and get dressed last night in the woods. I'm choosing to ignore that Dominic and I are scent matches. That can wait until I know more about my beast.
There has to be something in the library that talks about dragons that isn't aimed at children, but I am still not great at figuring out where things are.
I've spent more time in the library since I got here than I have in my entire life, but that doesn't mean I know how they keep the stacks organized.
If I can't find something soon, I'm going to have to ask Cliff.
I need to know what this means for me and any records of past dragons, so I have an idea of what to expect.
I can't be the only one to ever exist. I won't accept that lonely fate.
I gather an armful of potentially relevant titles and shove them in my bag to bring back to my room. It's time for dinner, and if I don't show up, Warren will come looking for me. I don't want to be alone with him, not after yesterday.
Why did things have to change between us?
If it continues like this, there will be nothing left of our friendship, and despite everything, I'm not ready to give up on that.
Our lives have been intertwined since we were born.
How would my family react if I came home and told them we'd had a falling out?
Would they understand if I told them everything, or would they try to force a reconciliation?
It's better for both of us if we find a way to move past this.
The dining hall is crowded, and the only reason I find Viv is that she stands up, cups her hands around her mouth, and shouts my name. I make my way to her, if only to get the eyes of people who heard her off of me. I hate being the center of attention.
Viv has commandeered the far corner of one of the long tables, with Cliff across from her and her brother, Ray, beside her. I take the only empty seat by Cliff and bump my shoulder against his.
"Hey."
His smile is warm as he returns the gesture. "Hey, yourself. Where's Warren?"
I shrug and take a bite of my wrap. "No idea. I thought he'd be here."
"Oh, who cares, he's a grown man." Viv points her knife at me and narrows her eyes. "What I want to talk about is why we haven't hung out at night in weeks."
My cheeks flush, and I buy myself some time to think by drinking some water. It's not that I'm avoiding Viv on purpose; I'm just avoiding parties, and she loves to go to them.
Since the bonfire where Ray pinned me to the tree and gave me the kiss of my life, I have been worried she'll want me to come out with her, so I make myself unavailable in the evenings. The first few times I blew her off, she seemed fine with it, but I'm not surprised she's frustrated with me now.
"I'm behind on my studies, so I've been spending a lot of time in the library." It isn't a lie. Cliff has seen me there plenty. Sometimes he even joins me for a bit.
She rolls her dark eyes at me and props her elbows up on the table. "Zoe. You need to do something fun. Blow off some steam. Right, Ray?"
The Alpha looks at me for the first time since I've sat down, and I expect to see bored indifference at best, but there is something else in his eyes that I can't read.
"Everyone needs to let loose sometimes."
His deep voice sends shivers down my spine, and I have to fight not to crawl across the table into his lap.
What is wrong with me? This man has made no secret of his disdain for me. Why do I want to throw myself at him? I used to have more self-respect than that.
I deflect their attention. "How come you guys don't badger Cliff to go out?"
Cliff tilts his head to the side as he regards me. "Because I already do. Not often, but I show up."
"I thought you'd be on my side! You join me in the library often enough."
"I am on your side. But I also agree with Viv. You need to put yourself out there." The look he gives me is loaded. "Warren is."
"The blond?" Ray's voice draws me in again, and we lock eyes over the table. "You two are together, then?"
Viv snorts. "He wishes."
The Alpha relaxes back from the table with an unreadable expression and his arms crossed over his chest.
"Please come out tonight," Viv begs. "It's a themed party."
Nothing sounds more awful than a themed party, but I don't tell her that. She's excited about it, and I don't want to take that away from her.
"What's the theme?" I don't know why I'm asking. I have no intention to go.
"Blind Faith."
The phrase tickles the back of my mind. "What does that mean?"
"It's a masquerade where you dress up as a God. You're not supposed to reveal who you are at all. That's the blind part of it."
Would anyone dress up as Ilota? Could I seek them out, find her worshippers, and get some more information that may not be in the books? It's a long shot, but at least it's a shot, and it has the added benefit of making Viv happy.
"Fine, yes, I'll come."
She leaps to her feet and claps twice. "Excellent! Let's go figure out our costumes. I'm sure we can put something together."
This was a mistake.
At first glance, I can't see anyone else dressed as Ilota, so I stand out in a bad way.
Viv, dressed as Oren, tugs my hand. "Come on, let's get a drink."
She looks stunning in wide-legged, pale blue pants and a white corset top with wind lines painted on it. Her mask is covered in a rainbow of feathers. The vines look out of place on her arm, and I make a note to ask her their significance at some point.
No one knows how the Gods dress, but it's clear who she represents, and I think that's all that matters for a party in the woods.
My dress swishes around my feet as I walk. When I returned to my room to grab some things to take to Viv's and get ready, it was hanging there with a note left on the desk.
Just in case.
Cameron is a thoughtful stalker, at least.
Explaining the dress to Viv was hard. I couldn't say, "Oh, it's a gift from my stalker, but you don't need to worry about him breaking into my room, I'm pretty sure he's harmless."
My story about it being a dress I wore to a formal at university didn't seem to convince her, but she didn't push too hard.
It's tight through the strapless bodice with a flowing skirt and a large slit that comes almost to my hip.
It's more skin than I typically show, but I couldn't tell Viv that when she thinks I've worn it before.
Red satin cascades over my sandals, and I wince every time I feel it drag through the dirt.
The inside is lined with gold, and in the bonfire's light, the dress almost dances with the flames.
My mask was an afterthought. It covers my eyes and nose, leaving my mouth and jaw visible and doing nothing to conceal my identity, not that I'm concerned about it.
Viv's came in a pair, but while they're the same base, that's where the resemblance stops.
She painted the face gold and the feathers with flame colors, mimicking a phoenix's fire.
I would've liked it if my shifted form were a phoenix, I think. It's not an inconspicuous beast, but at least it's not as tall as the trees. As it stands, I'm going to have to be very careful whenever I shift.
Not that I plan to do it often.
A cup of punch is shoved into my hands, and my friend makes an impatient noise. "Get to drinking. You have to catch up to me."
Viv drank while we got ready, which means she's had a steady buzz for about four hours now. I don't know how she has the stamina.
I take a hearty sip while not breaking eye contact with her. When I pull the cup away, I see my red lipstick smudged on the rim.
All around us, the other partygoers have separated into groups of Gods. Aenella's group has favored dark blues and blacks, and most of them have styled their hair to look wet. A few have painted scales on their bodies, probably to mimic the mermaids of yore.
There are people dressed in greens and browns, many of the women with small antlers and speckled masks like fawns, and the men are mostly shirtless, with scratches painted on their chests and brown fabric around their waists that hardly covers anything.
A strong breeze would give everyone a real show.
The followers of Oren are closest to us, and Viv pulls on my arm. "Mind if I run over there? I want to see if Ray is here." I shake my head, and she bounds off to the group of people with wings and beaked masks, overwhelmingly wearing white and pale blue like the sky.
I don't care that there is no group of Ilota worshippers to join, except for the fact that there will be no one to answer my questions. I didn't come here looking for friends, anyway.
Logs surround the bonfire, and I make my way to one, perching on top of it and adjusting my dress so I don't show too much with this wide slit.
In the light of the fire, my skin seems to sparkle. I extend my leg closer to the heat. I have a feeling that my dragon makes me at least a little flame-resistant.
As my leg warms, things begin to change. My skin transforms with a ghost of delicate, copper scales. It looks no different from the paint some of the others have used to decorate their skin, but this makes me nervous.
Viv knows I didn't paint my leg. If she sees this, she's going to have a lot of questions. Especially when they don't rub away as paint would.
I rush toward the wooded area, hoping that cooling my skin off in the evening air will make the scales fade. I've only made it three steps into the forest before someone steps out from behind a tree.