34. Zoe
Zoe
Ray shoves the warm paper cup into my hand.
"Viv said you skipped lunch for a nap, so I thought you could use some coffee."
"Uh. Coffee?"
A small, crooked smile tilts his mouth up at the side. "Yeah. I don't know how you take it, so I got you a vanilla latte. I hope that's okay."
My brain is broken. The whiplash of my argument with Warren, the realization that he caught a glimpse of my secret, and now Ray, here, giving me coffee, is doing my head in.
I sink onto the edge of my bed, the coffee cup clutched between both hands, and stare at the Alpha.
He takes a few steps closer to me, but doesn't crowd me. "You okay?"
"I don't know how to answer that."
I just had a massive fight with the person I thought was my best friend, and now I know there is no way we'll ever get back to that. Our friendship has been irrevocably changed.
Ray looks around the room and grabs the chair from my desk, dragging it across the floor before flopping into it. "Wanna talk about what just happened?"
"With you?"
He flinches, but it's so small I almost missed it. "Why not?"
My senses are starting to come back to me, at least enough to take a sip of the coffee.
It's amazing.
"Because we aren't friends, Ray. Why are you even here?"
"I told you. I thought you could use an afternoon pick-me-up."
"Why are you thinking about me at all?"
He sighs, broad chest heaving, before setting his cup on the floor by his feet. "I want to get to know you, and for us to be friends. That's why I apologized for the way I treated you before."
I'm trying not to let the lingering adrenaline and frustration from my conversation with Warren bleed into this interaction, but it's hard. I'm on the defensive already.
"But why do you want to be friends?"
A soft blush dusts his cheeks, and he ducks his head. "I don't know, you seem like a great person. Viv speaks highly of you."
There are worse friends to have than an Alpha with a massive, prehistoric shifted form right now, I suppose.
"Oh, okay. Well, thanks for the coffee. And the assist with Warren."
Tension leaves Ray's shoulders when I accept his olive branch. "What's his issue, anyway?"
"How much time do you have?" His tentative chuckles set me off, and I'm laughing at the absurdity of the situation.
"It's ridiculous. He's jealous that I'm with Cliff and thinks he and I are supposed to be together.
We've been friends our entire lives, and he threw it away because what, he wanted to fuck me?
I always thought he was a brilliant man, but this is so stupid. "
Ray snorts in surprise in the middle of a sip of coffee and sputters. "That's what the fight is over?" I nod tightly. "That's stupid. Polyamory is very common."
"Not as much with Betas. Sure, the ones that are in packs practice, but most Betas are monogamous."
"Still. He could've asked if it was something you'd be willing to practice." He twirls his cup between his hands. "You are, aren't you?"
I never thought much about it. I never entertained the idea of being part of a pack, and a pack of polyamorous Betas is unheard of. I always assumed monogamy was my future. Now that I'm scent-matched to two Alphas and bonded to a Beta, that's out the window.
Even if I'm planning to reject Dominic and ignore him forever, I won't choose between Cliff and Cameron.
"I am, yeah."
"So Warren had a shot and lost it, then."
"I guess? That's not how I would put it.
I hate that he put me in this position. We have history that is going to be hard to let go of.
" It strikes me, then, how awkward it's going to be to go home and see his mom.
She's been another mother figure to me, and I know my dad has been the father figure Warren doesn't have.
His dad left when his mom was still pregnant, or so the story goes.
Maybe I was too harsh on Warren. I have changed, and I'm sure some part of him has picked up on it, which is why he's being so odd. Both Viv and Cliff told me that even Betas are drawn toward Omegas in ways they don't understand.
Perhaps, after we both cool off, I could sit down with him and hash this out like adults. Is that a naive hope for me to have?
"I owe it to him to try to work this out, don't I? He's been my person forever. I cannot imagine not having him in my life."
Ray makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat. "He may be your person, but are you his?" I go to speak, and he holds his hand up to stop me. "You don't have to answer me. But think about it."
It doesn't feel fair to Warren to discuss this with Ray, but he's a fairly neutral party. Viv and Cliff would take my side without question, and I don't even want to think about what Cameron would do.
With my Alpha on my mind, I switch gears. "Have you ever gone to one of the services at the chapel?"
He doesn't seem to care much about my rapid change in subject. "Yeah, once. Didn't care much for the priest, though."
That gets my attention. "Why not?"
"I can't put my finger on it, but there was something about him that was off.
He's an Alpha, but it's like his beast is dead.
It's hard to describe. He didn't feel very much like a holy man.
" Cameron said others just assumed his beast was too large to shift.
He never mentioned someone thinking his beast was dead. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason. My family has never been very religious, but I've been considering going, just to see what the fuss is about."
"I'd be happy to escort you to Oren's session if you're interested in it."
I attempt to take another sip of my coffee, surprised to find the cup empty already. "Sure, I'd like that. I want to attend them all and see what I can learn."
A glance at my watch has me swearing. "I've gotta get to class. Thanks for the coffee."
He stands so fast he almost jumps. "I'll walk you."
This side of Ray is much preferable to the snarky, cold-shoulder one he gave me when we first met. I think I'm getting a glimpse of the brother Viv loves so much and speaks highly of.
"Have you taken Calculus yet?" I ask as we head down the stairs.
"Nah, we only have to take advanced math courses for certain career paths."
"You already know your path?" In our third year, Betas are given a list of acceptable careers. We don't have a choice about what's on the list. It's based on our grades on the aptitude testing at the end of the second year.
"We get to declare a segment when we first get here.
We're not boxed into it, because many of the courses overlap, but we do have to put a lot of thought into it before we choose.
" He steps in front of me, leading me through the courtyard between the Alpha and Beta circles.
"This is my building, by the way. In case you need anything.
" He points at the one on our right. "I'm on the third floor. "
"Thanks, I guess?" He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks leisurely through the Omega courtyard. "What are the segments you get to choose from?"
"Well, there is Medicine, which is the path for surgeons and doctors, and Theology, which is where all of our religious leaders and high priests train.
My parents are in the military, so they studied Enforcement, but I didn't want to do that, so I declared Diplomacy, which is politics and law, and then there is the Operational path.
That's where our engineers and those in high-ranking corporate roles are educated. "
It feels simultaneously more restricted and freer than how the Betas are educated.
We can try to guide our career prospect sheet by taking specific courses, but it won't always work.
Once we have our list of acceptable careers, we can drill down into what we want and complete our studies by selecting courses that support them.
"What made you choose diplomacy?"
He shrugs. "I knew I didn't want to be in enforcement. It didn't feel right for me, especially not after I got my beast."
"But your beast is a giant! Wouldn't it be great in a military capacity?" Not that I know what our military fights against. I think I would know if there was infighting between the provinces.
"My Argentavis is why I don't want to be in enforcement.
I don't know what they would ask me to do, and I don't want to be used that way.
" He holds the door for one of the academic buildings open for me.
As I pass through, he ducks his head and whispers close to my ear, "Besides, I'm a lover, not a fighter. "
I don't even try to hide my groan. "That was awful."
The smile that lights up his face is so broad it makes his eyes squint, and I wonder if this is the first real one I've ever seen on him. It takes him from attractive to devastatingly handsome.
Viv is waiting for me outside the Calculus classroom, looking between us with her brows furrowed. "What are you two doing together?"
"I brought Zoe coffee and walked her to class." Ray says it with such nonchalance that it takes me off guard. I didn't expect him to lie to her or anything, but he's acting like this isn't a complete about-face from where he stood just a week or two ago.
"Okay…" Viv draws out the word, still looking between the two of us. "That was nice of you."
"I'm a nice guy." He shrugs and swoops down to kiss me on the cheek. "See you two later."
I haven't recovered from the shock of his lips on my cheek before Viv is grabbing me by the arm and dragging me into the classroom.
"What the heck was that?"
I wish I could tell her.