41. Zoe
Zoe
The silence that blankets our group is heavy, like each word landed on our shoulders as it left Cameron's mouth. Viv sniffles and discreetly wipes her cheek.
I wish I could lean around her and see the look on Ray's face, try to understand how these words hit him, but I can't without making the truth obvious.
Though this is supposed to be a sermon about Ilota, the words feel so pointed to me and my situation that I fear there is no chance the importance of it being lost on him.
Cameron closes the book and leaves it on the lectern before sitting on the edge of the pulpit again. "Any questions?"
"Dragons and phoenixes?" Ray's voice is tight. "They're not real."
"And who is to say that? We are also told that there are no records of Ilota's Blessed, and yet here is one.
" Cameron fiddles with his shock collar under his robe, and again I am struck by the profound sadness that he is cut off from his beast in that manner.
"Caius mentioned Robie several times before this entry.
Would you like to take a guess at his shifted form? "
I don't need to say it aloud. I already know. Viv is the one to answer.
"A dragon?"
Cameron nods. "Yes, an Omega dragon. It sounds almost unbelievable."
"It is unbelievable." Cliff's voice is thick. "But just because we've been taught not to believe something doesn't mean it's not real."
"You mean to tell me that you think Ilota Blessed Omegas to be dragons and Alphas to be phoenixes?" Ray sounds incredulous, and I don't blame him. If I couldn't feel my dragon purring inside me right now, I probably wouldn't believe it either.
The Hierophant shrugs. "Possibly. But I read every entry of his journals, and saw no reference to Fire Alphas at all."
"Ilota? Do you not Bless Alphas?"
Her answer is almost immediate.
"No. My Omegas were a gift to the realm."
I wonder if the five of us being in a holy place and talking about her is giving her more power, because her voice is stronger now than it has been in the past. I ask her as much.
"Yes, as belief in me grows, so does my strength. I was unaware, when I began withholding my Blessings, that it would remove all faith in me. I fear it is partially my fault that things have gotten as bad as they have."
"The other Gods are withholding their Omega Blessings too, aren't they?"
Ilota doesn't answer my question, and while I don't know what that means, it cannot be good.
I don't know if the aching in my gut is anxiety or if I'm getting sick. I lean against Cliff for support, and he wraps an arm around my waist.
"You need rest." He touches my forehead with the back of his hand. "I think you're getting a fever."
I push my rice around my plate with my fork. "I cannot get sick right now. I've got my final for Menagerie Management tomorrow. There is no way Dominic is going to go easy on me."
My first quarter at the Institute is almost over, and the air has begun to take on a chill as autumn bears down on us. I simultaneously feel like I've been here forever and that I just got here.
"All the more reason to rest right now, while you can."
"Will you come with me?" On the surface, those words could seem seductive, but they're not. Cliff and I still haven't slept together, and when I'm under the weather, it's not the time. It may be silly, but I want it to be special.
Ray's plate clatters onto the table in front of me. "Tell me you guys have heard."
Cliff's smile at the Alpha is genuine, even though we're being interrupted. I think he and Ray are developing a real friendship. "Heard what?"
"The Alphas are saying the Omegas are gone. Like, left the campus gone. And that there won't be a Winter Solstice presentation because of it."
Looks like Cameron's rumors really are making their way around.
Is it a rumor if it's true?
"They can't be taking that well," Cliff responds. "I know most Alphas look forward to it all year. Are you upset?"
Ray turns his attention to me, and the look in his eyes has me flustered. Even from here, I can smell his peppered scent. "No, I'm not. I wasn't going to go this year anyway."
Maybe Cliff is onto something, thinking that Ray may be my scent match.
I'm convinced that at this point we are scent-sensitive, at the very least. I'm not sure what, at this point, is holding me back from taking off my necklace around him to see, but I'm not there yet.
I think I trust him, but it still feels like crossing a line I'm not ready to, yet.
My throat is drying out, so I take a sip of water before I speak. "How are the others taking it?"
"Horribly. Apparently, a few people have cornered the Director, which I'm not sure I believe, and that he says he cannot speak to why they're no longer here, that it's not a big deal, that the chance to bond with an Omega will still be available, just not until we complete our education here.
" He squeezes a lemon into his water and rolls the cool glass between his palms. "It's all anyone is talking about.
If I were the Director, I'd be worried about an Alpha uprising. "
"That bad?" Cliff gives me a loaded look. "What is the Director going to do about it?"
"No idea. But," he lowers his voice so far we both have to lean almost across the table to hear it, "do you think this could have anything to do with what we talked about in the chapel?"
Ray may not have picked up on the fact that the sermon was for my benefit, but that doesn't mean he missed the subtext.
"It's not unrelated," I answer, nearly showing my hand that I have more information about this than I should.
"That's what I thought. I've been trying to find a way to visit my parents. They're both in the military, pretty high up. I wonder if they'd know anything about this."
How can I tell him that right now, I don't think we can trust anyone connected to the government, not even his parents?
I don't have to come up with the words. Viv sits down beside him and does it for me. "I love mom and dad, but if this is a government thing, I don't think we should bring them into it. Not yet."
Ray wrinkles his brow. "What would we be bringing them into?"
Shit. He doesn't know that the rumors about the missing Omegas are true, or why they're gone. He doesn't know what my mission is. Fuck, I barely know, but Hierophant Caius's journal all but confirms that her Blessed were being taken, and ostensibly, killed.
Ilota never answered me whether the other Gods have started to withhold their Blessings too, but it seems obvious they are. Why else would there be so few Omegas?
No one answers Ray for too long. I know he can feel that we're all keeping something from him. The question is, will he push the issue?
"We don't want them to know we went to an Ilota service, do we?" Viv's words are tentative, like she doesn't believe her parents would have an issue with it, but she's hoping Ray does.
He takes the bait.
"Yeah, you're right. Plus, we don't have anything concrete, do we? Just a passage from an old ass journal and a rumor passing around the Alpha dorms."
I am feeling increasingly bad about leaving Ray in the dark, but am I ready to put my life in his hands.