Chapter 22
I stood before the tavern where I first encountered Vanya. The once rugged bar now felt familiar, like a fragment of home.
Home , I mused, a word I never imagined using again. Yet, I felt tendrils of my new life taking root, much like my village once had.
Every day, I returned to my room in the guild and dined with my fellow outcasts, talking about anything from the weather to telling tales. It was a small feeling of home. I learned the names of the main merchants here in town, knew the best baker (who was NOT the man with the stall in the square), knew this seedy looking bar had the best ale in town. Another small piece of the feeling of being at home being formed. I never thought I'd feel this way again. Each morning, I woke to the hollow ache of my lost village, and each night, I fell asleep with that same emptiness.
Home was a small cottage, hunting in the woods, my grandmother, and my best friend. Home had been razed, turned to ash by my own hand. I shuddered at the thought as I pushed the heavy door open.
Home is whatever and wherever you want it to be... My mind's Ma?l whispered.
The tavern roared with life, soldiers crowding the tables and women flirting brazenly on their arms. I found a spot in the corner, perfect for me to drown my sorrows without participating in the rowdiness. I failed myself tonight, lost sight of my last connection to that night. Lost the man who enjoyed destroying all that I held dear. I was so close, and yet, I couldn't achieve everything I've been working towards. The long days I've spent learning how to manipulate shadows, hunting not only for survival but in effort to continue weapons training, it felt like it was all for nothing tonight as I watched that horrid man get away.
The barmaid, Evangeline, sauntered up, her face red from the never ending work but no lack of joy could be seen, "What'll you have doll?"
"Just an ale and some bread if you have it," I answered. She nodded as she headed towards the bar, receiving several requests for more ale.
Jones, the barkeep as I've come to find out, must be in a mood tonight. He rushes around the bar, barking orders to the staff, filling tankards of ale and bringing more kegs to the front as he empties them. The men in here must be celebrating to be this excited.
Evangeline is back in no time with a tankard and a piece of bread. I thank her and hand her my coin. I tune out the reveille to drown my sorrows with my own drink. "You're looking a little worse for wear tonight Lor," she chided, "did a bunny give you the slip?"
Of course, she wasn't referring to an actual bunny. Since joining the guild, I'd maintained a facade of taking odd hunting jobs, primarily for the elderly who couldn't manage themselves. Everyone had some sort of cover story to look a bit legit. Some of the other assassins even owned businesses that "employed" fellow guild members. Vanya's guild wasn't large, but they took care of each other, as if they were a family. Since the tavern was a preferred meeting spot for clients, Jones and Evangeline were aware of Vanya's true occupation and knew most of the guild members. Building this sort of relationship guaranteed Jones a lot of coin from the guild, both for business use and when we would come to drink, his silence was a small price to pay.
I chuckled halfheartedly at Evangeline's remark. "Something like that. I caught the bunny but spotted a tasty deer ahead and thought I could snag both." I took a swig of ale. "But it got away from me."
Evangeline shook her head, "well, there's always next time for you lot. We've heard how skilled you are, I'm sure it's a matter of time before that deer comes back." She gave me an encouraging smile before scurrying off to help the other patrons. Evangeline always had a kind soul, one I didn't think would be particularly friendly with assassins, but one night she and I had gone far down the bottle and it slipped she had a past she barely scraped away from. Jones was an asshole no doubt, but he didn't beat his employees. Vanya had a rule about only taking jobs against those who were truly wicked, and even a kind soul could look past the murder aspect to see the potential good in it. I admired that about her. Sometimes, I wasn't so sure there was anything good left in myself after a particularly gruesome night.
She's right you know . Ma?l chided. Or you can let this whole revenge thing go and live your life.
I can't let you go , I all but pleaded to my imaginary lover. This is all I have now.
A faint chuckle rang in my head. You have so much more than you realize, Lor. Open your eyes and your heart and you'll see.
Already halfway done with my drink and starting to feel the disappointment from tonight slipping away. Open my eyes and heart, yeah right. Despite being a figment of my imagination, the Ma?l in my head didn't understand me. I surveyed the debauchery and dancing around me, my gaze landing on a pair of light eyes. Instantly, my face reddened even though he was the one staring.
His golden hair was pulled back into a bun, a wide grin stretching across his face as he stood. Handsome didn't begin to describe him, I was beginning to understand why so many called the fae beautiful. His beauty was beyond anything I’ve seen before, fae or human. I couldn't help but feel I'd betrayed my own heart for these thoughts. I had only ever been attracted to Ma?l, none of the other men in the village ever came close to catching my eye the way he did. Truthfully, I had resigned to live out my life forever on my own. It was better than marrying anyone else, my heart still belonged to my childhood friend. The man before me almost reminded me of Ma?l. Confidence and warmth rolled off him in waves, unashamed at being caught in his stare.
His fighting leathers stood in sharp contrast to the gleaming suits of armor that filled the tavern.
My heart thundered against my ribs as his purposeful strides brought him directly to my corner.
Traitor , I chided my racing heart, even as Ma?l's earlier words about opening my heart echoed mockingly in my mind.