Chapter 37 Non
Non
I was seven years old when my grandmother sat me down in a dingy cafe and told me, “There’s a possibility, Non, that you could wield power. A power unlike anything you’ve ever dreamed of.”
Power that was passed down through our bloodline, generation to generation. Every day since then, I have thought of nothing else. Nothing but whether I could wield that power.
But with that power came so much loss and sadness, I wasn’t sure I wanted it anymore.
Cadoc’s power had felt unusual when he’d shown us his own memory before. But the entire time his power had controlled me, I’d always had this innate sense that I wasn’t in my own body.
But being shown my own memories this way was terrifying. The only thing stopping me from slipping into madness was the grounding feeling of bindings at my ankles and wrists, reminding me this was not real, but the room I’d been restrained in very much was.
Below me were the calm waters of Llyn Hedd. And at its centre, someone was drowning.
I’d seen this vision before; this is what they’d shown me repeatedly during my Cychwyniad.
Catrin couldn’t have been older than sixteen. As she struggled in the water, she screamed and begged me to save her. The magic they’d used during the initiation ceremony meant I couldn’t move a muscle. I was forced to watch as she drowned over and over again.
The first time I’d seen this, it had been disturbing, to say the least. But when I participated in my Cychwyniad, Catrin had been very much alive. So, it had taken me some time to be convinced she was truly in danger.
Now, it had been so long since I’d heard her voice or touched her hand that my mind was shattered in minutes.
I knew this wasn’t how she had left this world. I’d not been permitted to be there in the exact moment. But I’d been able to visit hours before to say my goodbyes.
Rationality didn’t seem to matter when it came to this kind of mind magic, though. No matter how much I pleaded with all ten gods to let me save her, she would still slip under the waves every time.
It could have been minutes or hours that I was under the influence of Cadoc’s power. When he pulled it back, bringing the dining room at Llwyn Onn back into view, my voice was raw from screaming.
Not much had changed since I had been handed my punishment, but Dylan was no longer sitting at the table. Caerwyn, Ail Llew, and Seren were also missing. Only Aeron and Granny were left seated at the table.
The vines that had held me in place had also vanished, leaving behind red welts from where I must have thrashed against them while I was out.
Cadoc’s power didn’t seem to leave you feeling groggy afterwards, which was something, I supposed.
Without drinking an ocean’s worth of water, there was no way I was going to be able to say anything to Aeron or Granny. My voice was shot.
My elective muteness would not be an issue, though. One thing the two monsters at the end of the table had in common was that they both loved the sound of their own voice.
“I fear your future in the Anoethau will be short-lived if a little manipulated memory has you reacting the way you did.” Aeron chuckled, taking a sip from a glass of wine he’d gotten from gods only knew where.
My grandmother seemed to be focused on something else entirely. I followed her gaze to the table in front of me, where a black gift box sat.
The click of Aeron’s boots on the tile drew nearer, stopping only a few inches from my chair. Had I more energy, I would have recoiled at his proximity. But I was mentally and physically exhausted. I just needed to get the fuck out of this room.
“One final reminder of what happens when you disobey me.” He leaned in to open the box.
Sat on a small black cushion was a pendant. A quartz pendant, to be exact.
The fog in my brain meant that placing it took me a second.
It was the necklace Catrin had given me for my sixteenth birthday. The one I had assumed had been missing all these years, until my mother had handed it to me the day I left for Llwyn Onn.
Since then, it had been shoved in a drawer in my room. I’d not kept it on my person for fear I’d lose it. It was the only physical thing I had left of Catrin, and I was grateful beyond words that it had come back to me.
But why Aeron had presented it to me like this, I had no idea.
He smiled more widely than I’d ever seen him smile before as he raised his fist in the air and slammed it down on the pendant.
I’d never found out who Aeron was a vassal of, but whatever his power might have been, it was strong enough to crush the pendant to dust.
I didn’t react when he blew the dust remnants at me; I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Not after watching me scream for hours while he forced me to watch my best friend die.
The sick fuck was probably semi-hard the whole time.
My grandmother broke the stretching silence. “You’re dismissed.”
Leaving the dining hall and arriving back in my room happened in a blur. My body had clearly been on autopilot as I hadn’t remembered a thing until I swung my bedroom door open and was met with an unusual sight.
Jazz sat on the end of their bed, head bowed in deep conversation. But it was the person they spoke to with such familiarity that surprised me.
Dylan.
Their heads snapped towards me when I slammed the bedroom door closed behind me. Both looked equally concerned when I walked past them without a word.
“I ran you a bath. We guessed you might want—”
Jazz didn't finish their sentence before I shut the screen door separating the room.
By the time I fell asleep hours later, my pillow was sodden with tears.