Chapter 39 Dylan
Dylan
Of all the holidays we Witches celebrated, Nos Calan Gaeaf was my favourite.
Unlike most of the others, it didn’t centre around revelry, drinking, and debauchery.
Instead, it served as a time to honour the dead and pass on messages to them from loved ones.
The clearing where the Northern, Southern, and Central Coven camps stood was eerily quiet compared to the last time we were here.
Although tonight was a celebration, the drinking and dancing wouldn’t commence until our thanks were paid to our loved ones.
We followed the flow of the crowd as they made their way into the trees that grew to the Eastern side of Llwyn Onn.
Non tapped her fingers against my hand nervously, but I had come to adore how she let me touch her casually like this.
When the trees became withered and dry, we joined the large crowd congregating near rows of hollowed-out trees.
“What happens now?” Non asked as she scanned the woods.
“Soon, people will start setting up their altars dedicated to their loved ones who are no longer with us. The belief is that having their things on an altar as the gateway between realms thins helps their spirit hear the messages that we send to them.”
Non’s lip quivered. “I don’t have anything belonging to the person I wanted to send a message to.”
Fury bloomed inside me. I hadn’t been in the room when Aeron had smashed the pendant belonging to Non’s friend. But when she’d relayed the story to me after training, I’d had to force myself to not find the fucker immediately and skin him alive.
As she looked at me with weary eyes, I cupped her face, reassuringly running my thumb across her cheek. “The items aren’t a necessity; some say that if your connection to the person was deep enough, your message will find its way to them.”
Thankfully, that seemed to calm Non a little. We followed suit as the crowd started to disperse and settle behind their chosen trees.
Due to the number of people attending, we had to walk some distance into the woods before coming to altars that had not yet been claimed.
“We can do it together if you want? I’ll do mine first so you can see how it’s done, then we can find you a good spot for yours?”
Non gingerly agreed and knelt beside me as I chose a suitable tree for my altar.
From the inside of my habit, I pulled the Polaroid of my mothers out and placed it on a branch that created a small ledge.
I conjured scented candles and a match onto the altar next; the lavender scented ones were my Mam’s favourite.
Next, I hung Mother’s mallet on a branch.
Once the altar was set up, I turned back to Non, who sat rigidly and had turned a few shades paler.
“Everything okay?”
She snapped out of her daze. “Are those women in the picture your mothers?”
I nodded. “My adoptive mothers. I was adopted at sixteen, but they treated me like their own flesh and blood.
Non didn’t take her eyes off the picture. “I think I saw them when I was dying,” she said quietly as if she didn’t believe it herself.
“You saw them? How? Where?”
“I had this odd dream that I was floating above a lake and those two women appeared from the trees and…” She pressed her fingers to her temple. “I can’t remember much more. I’m sorry, it’s all so fuzzy in my mind.”
I pulled her hand away from her temple and pressed a kiss to her palm.
Her shoulders relaxed slightly at the contact. “What do you think it means?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. Might be worth mentioning it to Caerwyn later on.”
Non nodded but stayed silent as I thanked my mothers for all they had done. When I finished, Non’s cheeks were damp with tears.
I wiped them away and helped her to her feet. We walked for a little while longer to find Non a tree that she liked.
As we passed the rows and rows of people setting up their altars, Non spotted Jazz and approached their tree.
I hung back a little, not wanting to intrude, but I could still faintly hear their conversation.
“Who are you giving thanks to?” Non asked Jazz softly.
“My auntie, of course.” Jazz pointed to a folded red habit at the foot of the tree. “It’s one of the very few things she left behind before she defected to the Western Coven.”
Non reached for a blank red envelope that sat between two candles.
“Is this for your aunt, too?”
Jazz took the envelope from Non and pressed it to their chest. “No. This is technically cheating, but I do it every year. Inside this envelope is a picture of me before I transitioned. I also write my dead name beneath it.”
Non’s breath hitched, but she let Jazz continue with their harrowing story.
“Looking at pictures of myself before I came out isn’t something I particularly like doing.
My whole transition has been focused on leaving that person behind and becoming who I truly am authentically.
A small part of me still misses them in a strange way.
So, each year, I put a picture of them and their name in here to thank them.
Without them, I could never have become me.
They may not have died, but I still mourn them sometimes. ”
Non pulled Jazz into a tight embrace. As she drew back, she clasped Jazz’s face in her hands and placed a kiss to each cheek.
An immense sense of pride swelled in my chest as Non walked towards me.
“Ready for your turn?”
“I think so.”
We found a tree that was quite a distance from anyone else.
I assumed Non had chosen it for its privacy.
She’d asked me to stay nearby but wanted to do this alone.
I leant against an empty tree a few feet behind her.
This part of the woods was so empty that Non’s voice echoed as she spoke, but she didn’t seem to mind as she addressed the altar.
“Cat, I hope wherever you are that you finally found the peace you’d been so desperately looking for in your last days.
To say I miss you is a huge understatement.
Since you’ve been gone, it’s felt like I’ve not been able to breathe in two years.
If you’d seen the person I’d become up until recently, you’d be ashamed to call me your best friend.
You’d be so proud of how much sex I had, though. ”
I had to bite back my laugh so that Non didn’t realise I’d been listening. My own cheeks were now damp with tears as she made her heartfelt admissions.
“You also wouldn’t believe the few weeks I’ve had, the things I’ve seen, and the people I’ve met. I have a roommate now, Jazz, who you’d be completely obsessed with. Granny is still a twat, but that probably comes as no surprise to you.”
“It still feels like my heart has been ripped out every day since you’ve gone.
But the funny thing about grief is that the hole never heals; you just learn to live without a heart.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to smile as wide or laugh as hard in a world that you’re not in, but I’m certainly going to try. ”
Non took a deep breath, pushing back the hair that had fallen in her face.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is…thank you, Catrin Green.
Thank you for being the brightest part of my life.
For being my friend when no one else would.
I think, maybe, things are finally starting to get better.
Who knows? Maybe next year, when we talk again, I’ll be able to say I’m truly happy for once.
” She pressed her two fingers to her lips, then pressed them to the centre of the tree.
“Nos Da, Catrin. I love you.”