Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Iwoke to pain, my body seizing against the touch at my back, a scream clawing its way up my ravaged throat. The scent of smoke and burnt flesh was all I could smell. I attempted to crawl but hands at my feet and arms held me down, my cries drowning in the surrounding voices.
I was burning, surely I was burning. The stake had always been my fate.
"Hold her still."
Authoritative and feminine.
Rena.
I cried harder.
"I'm trying." Gritted and worried.
Bran.
I screamed as a fresh wave of pain tore through me.
"Get an Elixir of Euphoria from her pack, now."
My chin was being lifted seconds later, the potion being poured down my throat. Eyes of silver and green bore into mine. Gentle calloused thumbs caressed soothing circles over my cheeks as my mind grew hazy, the pain drifting away like a cloud across the wind.
"Goddess, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
My head turned, eyes falling upon a prince crying golden tears, his head crowned in a wreath of flame. I reached out, a shaky hand brushing against his cheek, as his golden tears pooled against my skin and travelled up my arm in arcing patterns that left me memorized.
"Why do you cry?"
My voice was distant to my own ears, body light and high above on the cloud of euphoria I rode. How odd it was to cry tears of gold, surely it wasn't possible. I reached towards the fiery crown, was it real? Was any of this?
"I hurt you." He responded back.
I dropped my hand of dripping gold, eyes closing as I drifted. Where to? I did not know.
"Did you mean to?"
"No."
I fought to open my eyes once more. Gone were his golden tears, replaced by waterfalls that flooded the ground I lay upon.
Giggling, I floated atop the water, but it did not wet my skin.
It embraced me. Traveled over my body as though it wished to claim me, to steal me away from whatever had troubled me before. Had I been afraid? Sad? In pain?
I did not remember.
I was free, like a bird soaring through the wind, the spray of salt water between my feathered wings.
"Then do not cry, Prince of Flame with tears of gold."
"Why is she like this?" A man with eyes of dark, glittering stars. Galaxies swimming in their depths.
"It's the potion." That voice was comforting, familiar. "Ma always says that the elixir affects everyone differently."
Mother.
I hummed lightly, eyes closing once more. Where had I heard this song before? It floated around me, wrapping around my very soul. The notes were an eerie tune of a memory I could not place.
l felt those hands cup my face again, lifting my head gently as my eyes drifted open.
The touch so soft, so comforting. A warmth spread to the tips of my toes as my lips curved, my cheek pressing into the palm that held me.
A contented sigh escaped, I could fall asleep forever in these hands, an eternal dream with no end, no beginning.
"How do you know that song, Syra?"
Silver and green.
A cool mist. The scent of cedar and rain.
I reached a hand to his face, still humming lightly.
A flash of blue, the swish of silver hair. Long, elegant fingers brushing through my hair as a sweet, high voice sang to me upon a splintering floor.
"My home," I whispered so softly, so quietly before my head dropped and the elixir carried me to a sweet, dreamless sleep. The song following me into a world of quiet and peace.
Darkness encased me when I woke next, mind heavy and eyes crusted as I tried to shake the fog that clung to my thoughts. I turned, groaning as my back ached with the movement.
"Sy?"
Suddenly Bran was there, his hands gentle as he helped me sit up, his voice low with concern. "Be careful, Rena healed you, but she said the skin on your back will still be raw and tender. You'll probably have scars."
“Add it to the list.” I rasped, my voice ravaged as I squinted through the darkness. "Where is everyone?"
Bran handed me a canteen, face hesitant. “You were talking nonsense after they gave you the elixir. As soon as Rena was finished, I kicked them all out in case you woke once more and said something that could get us both into trouble."
I took small, careful sips of the water. “Is Roan okay?”
Bran's gaze darkened, a scowl crossing his face. “Well enough to beat the shit of the prince."
I choked, spluttering against the water that lodged in my throat at the admission. “What?"
Nodding, a wince twisted his face, he cracked his knuckles.
“As soon as you were healed and I said they needed to leave, he dragged Kai out of the tent.
Gianni had to break them apart before the Captain did something he wouldn't have been able to take back.
They're both cooling off now, Gianni's making sure they stay separated. "
I sighed lightly, screwing the lid back onto the canteen as I pushed aside the blankets that covered me.
"Where are you going?"
"To fix this."
Exiting the tent, I stumbled, back straining, as Bran followed.
"Sy just let everyone cool off for the night, we can all speak tomorrow."
I spotted Kairen first, slouched before the fire Gianni cooked at, his dark waves shrouding his face from my gaze. Never had I seen the composed prince look so utterly defeated.
"Soli’s wrath,” Bran cursed, but he didn't move to follow me further, knowing there was no sense he could talk into me.
Gianni glanced up as I approached, eyes wary as I nodded my head. Slowly he stood and wiped the sand from his pants as I moved to stand before my friend.
Because that's what he was, wasn't he? My friend.
"Kai."
His head shot up, his golden eyes rimmed red and drooping with exhaustion, yet it was the bruises and cuts that marred his face that had a gasp escaping my lips.
Goddess, had he defended himself from Roan’s onslaught at all?
Kneeling before him, I hesitantly brushed the hair from his face. “You should let Rena heal these, we need our pretty aristocrat."
My smile was weak, voice wavering with sadness despite my teasing. He didn't smile back.
"I deserve it."
I shook my head. “It wasn't your fault, Kai."
"I burned you," His head dropped once more, his fingers digging into his hair. “Goddess, your screams in that tent Syra, those will haunt me forever."
Lifting his head, I cradled it between my hands, forcing him to look into my eyes.
“You saved us." I pressed on as he tried to pull back, holding him tighter.
"That thing would have swallowed us whole if you hadn't been there, Kairen.
You didn't mean to hurt me. I forgive you, okay?
So it's time to forgive yourself now. Let Rena heal your face, do not let your guilt consume you when you did nothing wrong. "
His eyes searched my face, the tears beginning anew as he laid his head upon my shoulder, his body shaking with his sorrow. I hummed lightly, running my hand through his thick waves over and over again until he grew still.
I wasn't sure how long we stayed there like that, but eventually Rena joined, her hand touching my shoulder lightly. I moved back as she took my place, her hands radiant with golden light as she gently cupped her cousin's face.
Next would be a conversation that had anxiety roiling through me.
I found him over the crest of a dune not too far from where the camp was set, laid out atop the sand. His eyes were closed, his body tense as I approached. As I drew closer I could see where his knuckles were torn, blood mixing with the sand.
A near empty bottle of liquor laid beside him, knocked over and dripping what remained.
With a sigh, I sat beside him, my head resting upon my knees as I regarded the man who always seemed to both irritate and ignite something within me.
I admired the way the moonlight danced over his skin, as if he were made of it.
He was like a masterpiece crafted from sea and moon, like gentle ocean waves lapping against the shore as the light reflected upon their ripples.
He was peace, calm, serenity.
And Goddess was it nice to bask within his presence, even if it was merely for a moment in time. No matter the frustration that welled within me at his actions tonight. Never before would I have dreamed of Roan Delmar beating a man he considered a brother—especially not for me.
The night air was cool, the desert sand rough and itchy against my palms. The stars twinkled far above, a billion little flames smiling down at us, despite the grief that hung like a dark cloud.
"My mother used to say the stars were the souls of Luanthians we had lost," he said suddenly, his gaze searching as he stared up at the night sky, his eyes clouded with drink.
The words came slowly and slightly slurred.
I listened to the soft cadence of his voice, hugging my knees tighter to my chest. “She would say that when we passed Lua would place us among the sky, our legacy forever immortalized in her image. "
"If there is a fate after death that takes us from this world, I don't think I could imagine a prettier one." My voice was soft, the response genuine. It was a nice thought, to live among the stars.
He glanced sidelong, his smile crooked and half given. “A Solerian who wants to be placed among the stars, huh?"
I huffed, a small laugh escaping as I settled back gently into the sand beside him. “Have I ever struck you as an ordinary Solerian?"
If only you knew.
His reply was quiet and earnest. “There hasn't been an ordinary thing about you yet, little menace."
l smiled at that, a little one that had my toes curling in the sand, my gaze once more firmly fixating on the night sky.
My words were barely audible, nearly lost to the soft desert wind. “Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
"In the desert?"
A soft shake of my head, rolling my lips as I thought carefully, methodically.
“Why we're here, at this exact moment? Why my mother died and Merle took me in, why Kai found me and thought I was the right person for this quest?
What does it all lead to? If we're placed among billions of other stars after we pass, what difference can we truly make as something so small, so insignificant, in a world so vast? "
It was his turn to look at me, his gaze searching and tender, as if I were an oasis in this barren land, to drink his fill and revel in.
He was quiet for a while before he shifted closer, his head touching mine as he pointed up at the sky, his fingers tracing a pattern for me to follow.
"Did you know that no two stars are ever the same?” I watched as he moved from star to star.
“Just the single death of one changes the night sky.
Even if you don't notice, it will never be the same again.
It is ever changing. Just as no two people are the same, without even one the world would be a different place.
" His voice softened as he said, “My life would be very different if you had been born in a different time, if fate had chosen a different path for you. "
I rolled onto my stomach with a wince, propping my chin up with my hand, eyes searching his. “Do you think we would have stumbled upon each other regardless of the prophecy?"
He smiled, brushing a stray hair behind my ear as he leaned in closer, his lips so near my own it was as if I could feel the ghost of them as he spoke.
"There is not a universe in which I would not find you, Syra.
" My eyes fluttered shut as his hand trailed down my neck, coming to rest against the pulse that fluttered frantically beneath his touch.
"Lua herself could place you among the stars, and I would search for your light for an entirety until I could rest beside you. "
There was a shift in the tension between us then, something undeniable as I searched his face. Something we had been avoiding since I had held a knife to his throat the night they asked me to join this quest.
The alcohol was a serum of truth in his veins.
"You're quite drunk tonight, Delmar," I murmured.
"If we had died today, I would have gone with many regrets."
"Such as?" I whispered back.
“I’m not sure you’re ready for that answer.”
I stilled as his eyes fell to my lips. His hand fell from my throat, tracing a path over my collarbone, my shoulder.
My eyes screwed shut. “Roan I—“
His hand fell away, the cold air burning where the memory of his touch had imprinted upon me. A laugh escaped as he laid back against the sand. “I know, Syra. It’s okay. I’ve waited my whole life to feel an inkling of something. l’d wait an eternity if you asked it of me.”
I wasn’t ready. There were still so many secrets, so many things hidden between us. A yawning chasm I wasn’t sure I could cross unscathed and it terrified me.
If he knew, would he accept me? Would he be able to keep my secrets as Captain of the KingsGuard? Even as the thoughts ran rampant, guilt ate away at me with each doubt I placed on him. Did fairness—did trust—matter when my life, my existence, was dependent upon those very secrets?
“I thought you had died today.” My voice cracked, my own gaze returning to the stars. His head turned as he reached out his hand to intertwine his fingers with mine.
His touch was a squeezing comfort as he spoke.
"I could spend a millennium carving those screams from my mind and still be utterly tormented by them.” He hesitated, his thumb tracing patterns over the skin of the back of my hand.
“Promise that you’ll never do that again.
Never race into such danger for me, or anyone else, with so little regard for your own life. ”
“Would you have not done the same?”
A sigh at that. “Do as I say, little menace. Not as I do.”
I laughed, squeezing his hand back before I said, “Only if you make me a promise in return?”
"Anything." There was no hesitation, no doubt that whatever I needed, he would give it to me.
"When this is over, no matter what happens, we'll still be okay.
" Perhaps if we had been anywhere else I would have never asked for this reassurance.
Yet beneath this sky, shrouded in moonlight, within the safety of his touch, I couldn't help but let the secrets of my desire slip through the cracks.
“Promise me that you'll always reach for my hand. That you'll stay."
"In every universe, little menace. Until we are but stars in the sky.”