Chapter 6 #2
‘What do you mean?’ asked Caitlin sharply.
‘It’s so intense,’ he replied. ‘I don’t know if it’s really aimed at you, or even your mum. I think the person who should bear the responsibility for the rift between you all is your dad. He behaved oddly the night your mum died, as you said, and—’
Caitlin held up her hand to halt his words.
‘Dad knows he was in the wrong, he apologised to all three of us after Mum’s funeral, individually and together.
Gilly and Rachel have said they forgive him,’ she explained, but when Lee did not respond, instead busying himself with unpacking the beautifully wrapped parcels of food, she continued, ‘You think they lied and they haven’t forgiven him? ’
‘Not deliberately,’ he said. ‘Grief and anger and love and families are complicated, messy things. Do Bean and Rabbit even know what they’re angry about any more?’
Caitlin smiled at the way he reverted to their childhood nicknames when he was upset.
‘Yes, they do,’ said Caitlin, but her tone had softened. When he raised his eyebrows enquiringly, she shook her head. ‘If I told you, they’d hate me even more than they do now.’
‘Hate is a big word,’ he said.
‘True, perhaps anger or resentment might be better,’ she replied, then she looked at the picnic properly and laughed. ‘Did you buy this food at my café?’
‘Maybe some of it,’ he said as she held up the distinctive purple packaging she used patterned with the golden Celtic triskele pattern. ‘Sindy helped with my subterfuge.’
‘I’ll be having a word with her.’ Caitlin pretended to be stern.
Sindy Simmons had been her best friend since childhood, even though Sindy was closer in age to Gillian than Caitlin.
Sindy and Caitlin had become friends when they were both members of the Junior Players and Signets, the name given to the younger students in Judy Pelham’s dance classes, where they learned ballet, tap, modern, beginners’ ballroom and country dancing.
Sindy had worked with Caitlin at the Hill Fort Café ever since she had inherited it from Miranda.
Caitlin was not a natural baker, unable to deviate from her mother’s recipes without the cake mutating into disaster, whereas Sindy could create mouth-watering bakes seemingly out of thin air.
Caitlin preferred creating the savoury dishes and mixing the herbal teas for which the café was famous.
They placed the two torches so they shone on the picnic and as Lee finished unwrapping the food, Caitlin realised she was ravenous.
When he handed her a pasty made with crisp saffron-gold pastry and decorated with tiny suns to celebrate the summer solstice, she had to force herself to eat slowly and not gulp it down in two mouthfuls.
‘Here’s to Aunt Miranda,’ said Lee, raising the plastic wine glass.
‘To Mum,’ said Caitlin. ‘Thank you for this Lee. You’re an angel.’
‘Poppy would probably disagree,’ he said, wryly.
‘Have you heard from her?’ asked Caitlin.
‘No, not since I ended our engagement.’
‘Do you regret it?’
‘Honestly, no,’ he said, picking up a sandwich and taking a huge bite.
‘When she was offered the job in Australia and insisted on taking it, the decision was made for me. She was desperate to go, but for me, it felt wrong. We tried to work out a compromise, but, eventually, I had to face some hard truths.’
‘Which were?’
‘Did I love Poppy?’
‘And how did you know?’
‘I realised, if I truly loved her, I’d do everything possible to support her dream and make her happy.
We could both have converted our qualifications to work in Sydney and have a great life, but the thought of leaving Mum and Dad felt like physical pain.
The idea of being on the other side of the planet, thousands and thousands of miles from Goldenwych and everyone I loved, made me realise I cared more for them than my fiancée.
No matter how much I pretended things could work with Poppy, I knew in my heart, they never would.
I loved Poppy, she’s a wonderful person, but she wasn’t a part of my soul.
Real love is soul deep and my feelings for her were head and heart deep. She deserved better.’
Caitlin sighed, she understood Lee’s dilemma more than she dared to admit. Was her love for Stan soul deep? Was his for her? There were days when she wondered if it was even heart deep.
‘You could have stayed in London,’ she said, pushing her concerns about her relationship with Stan away.
‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘but I wanted a new start, even if it was in a familiar place. I’d been accepted onto the GP training programme, which felt more my thing than working in a huge hospital.
When Dad told me his partner was retiring from the GP practice, it felt as though fate was telling me to apply for the position.
Now all I need is to find somewhere to live and I’ll feel as though I’m properly home.
It’s a shame my offer on the cottage three doors down from yours fell through, otherwise we would have been neighbours again like when we were children. ’
‘Best friends forever,’ she said and they clinked glasses.
They ate in silence and Caitlin felt the tension that had arisen when she had thought about her fiancé leaving her body.
The food, the wine and the warm embrace of the starry night were helping her to think clearly.
The evening had been frightening with the unexpected collapse of her father, especially on the night when the emotions of the three sisters were heightened – the second anniversary of their mother’s death from lung cancer.
‘Lee, can I ask you a question?’ Caitlin asked, sipping her wine.
‘Of course.’
‘When you found me asleep in the hospital, was there anyone else in the room?’
‘No,’ he replied.
‘Did you pass anyone dressed strangely in the corridor before you found me?’
‘Not that I remember,’ he said. ‘I’d gone to fetch us bottles of water and I assumed the others would stay with you, rather than have a mass trip to the car park.’
‘Alan wanted to stay,’ she said, ‘but the others were determined to find someone “senior” to discuss Dad’s condition on their way and insisted they went together.’
Lee gave a sigh of frustration.
‘When I came in, you were slumped across the bed and you were so pale, I thought you were dead,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry…’ she began, but he shook his head.
‘Don’t apologise, I’m a doctor, I should have been more objective. After all, how could you be dead – you were the wrong colour for a corpse.’
Caitlin laughed. ‘You’re rubbish,’ she said, lapsing back into their childhood exchanges when ‘rubbish’ was the highest insult they could throw at each other.
‘Why did you ask though? Did you see someone? When you came around, you mentioned a woman in a costume, a forest and a castle.’
Caitlin bit her lip, a sign of nervousness.
‘Promise not to laugh,’ she said.
Lee nodded, drawing a cross over his heart.
‘Before I fell asleep, or whatever it was that happened,’ she explained, ‘a woman appeared in the room. One minute she wasn’t there and the next, she was, but she was dressed in the most extraordinary outfit.
A long white robe embroidered with the Celtic triskele in a bright yellow thread, a headdress of antlers, a heavily patterned belt and a necklace with a dark purple pendant, maybe an amethyst… ’
‘Could she have been part of your dream?’ asked Lee, but Caitlin shook her head.
‘No, because she bumped into Dad’s bed and I could smell her perfume, it was familiar: floral but with a hint of woodsmoke and warm honey, like one of Mum’s teas. It was intoxicating. We stared at each other, then suddenly we were in a forest…’
‘Go on,’ Lee said.
‘There were three of us,’ she began, then described the dream in detail. Lee listened in silence until she had finished. ‘The strange thing is, the woman I saw in the hospital… she was me,’ she said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘We were identical. I also know I’ve seen her before, but the memory is hazy.’
‘Moon, you’ve been under a lot of stress this evening—’
‘Don’t patronise me, please,’ she snapped. ‘Anyway, it wasn’t a dream. It was more intense, it felt real, as real as this does now.’ She waved her hand around the stone circle.
‘I’d never patronise you,’ Lee said, ‘but this could be your sleeping mind sorting through things – anxiety, wedding nerves maybe. Not to mention the anniversary of your mum’s death and the feud with your sisters.’
‘I haven’t been sleeping well,’ she admitted. ‘Perhaps you’re right and I was overwhelmed.’
‘Have you told Stan?’
‘About what?’
‘Not sleeping.’
‘No, not this time. I mentioned it in passing a few months ago and he suggested I pray last thing at night,’ she said.
‘When I lit a lavender candle, he gave me a lecture on the ridiculousness of folklore and mythology. He disapproves of superstition or symbols – outside his own religion, of course.’
Caitlin did not see the flicker of anger in Lee’s eyes.
‘Stan can’t have realised it was a serious problem,’ Lee said, with a hint of contempt in his voice.
‘Stan, who hasn’t even bothered to reply,’ she sighed.
Lee pulled the rucksack behind them, covering it with a blanket so it was like a pillow. He opened his arm for Caitlin to cuddle against him, a position they had adopted since they were children.
‘He’ll call when he hears your message,’ Lee said in an attempt to reassure her. ‘Let’s stay here and wait for the sunrise.’
‘We should clear away the food,’ she murmured, her eyes suddenly heavy.
‘We’ll do it later,’ Lee replied, yawning. He pulled the other blanket over them and moments later they had both drifted into sleep, with Caitlin falling into the deepest slumber she had experienced for months.