Chapter 23 #2
‘You were living in London,’ she explained.
‘Anyway, Mum’s words came back to me. Stan’s accusation of us having an affair made me suspicious.
He said affairs were “unnecessary distractions”, which felt strange, so when he went to the loo, I checked his phone and there were four different WhatsApp chats called: “Unnecessary Distractions”, each one was numbered.
I looked at the messages from these individuals and they were all women. ’
‘Could they be parishioners and he’s given them nicknames?’
‘He hates nicknames, which was why this felt so odd.’
‘What was in the messages?’ asked Lee.
‘Plans to meet, jokes, some eye-wateringly bad attempts at sexting,’ she said, trying to make light of the pain of Stan’s betrayal.
Lee hugged her into him as her tears erupted.
‘Did you recognise any of the numbers?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘You’re never going to believe this, one of them is Daphne Hawthorne.’
‘But she’s at least thirty years older than Stan,’ said Lee.
‘And a wealthy widow,’ Caitlin added. ‘When I confronted him, he was furious I’d checked his phone but then he went on the defensive and claimed none of it meant anything; it was merely another way for him to do his pastoral duty to his flock and raise funds for the church.
If it wasn’t so tragic, it would be funny. ’
‘Oh, Moon, you must be devastated.’
‘I’ve had better days,’ she admitted.
With Lee’s arms around, rocking her gently, Caitlin felt the first peace she had experienced since Stan’s revelation. The harshest part had been when he had laughed and told her to grow up. He did not seem to be able to understand why she wanted to break off the engagement.
‘It’s up to you,’ he had said, scooping up her ring where she had thrown it onto the kitchen counter and slipping it into the inside pocket of his tweed jacket. ‘You’ll come running back and I’ll forgive you. It’s what I do, you see: forgive people.’
He had walked away, a smirk playing around his lips, and had even had the audacity to blow her a kiss.
‘Why did you bother coming to rehearsals?’ asked Lee.
‘I wanted to see you,’ she said. ‘To warn you that Stan might try to stir up trouble.’
‘Don’t worry about me,’ he said. ‘I’ve dealt with worse than Stan over the years.’
Caitlin did not reply, she could not imagine Lee ever becoming embroiled in messy affairs, but then, she thought, What do I really know about him any more?
I only have his version of what happened with Poppy; perhaps it was more complicated than he’s said.
The pressure of his arms around her felt like a safe harbour and, again, she was overwhelmed by the desire to tilt her head back and kiss him.
‘Have you told your family?’
‘I’ve told Sindy,’ she said, ‘but why would Dad, Gillian or Rachel care, they consider me persona non grata.’
‘This is so unfair, you’re having a rotten time.’
‘I’ll survive,’ she said and forced herself to leave the safety of Lee’s arms. ‘Come on, we’d better go inside.’
He put his arm around her shoulders as they made their way back to the theatre, and Caitlin, newly aware of her unexpected and disturbing feelings for Lee, slowed her pace, wanting the moment to last.
‘How are your arms?’ he asked.
‘The same,’ she said, surprised at the change of subject. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Poppy messaged me.’
‘And…?’
‘This is really awkward, but I have to ask, especially as you’re very upset at the moment and I wouldn’t want anything else to happen—’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Poppy said she’s never seen anything like the marks on your arms but the closest she has experienced are healed scars from self-harm where the cuts haven’t been too deep.’
‘Are you suggesting I’ve done this to myself?’ asked Caitlin, horrified, shaking off Lee’s arm.
‘No, of course not,’ he said, ‘but I’m sorry, I had to check. What sort of a friend or doctor would I be if I didn’t at least ask?’
Caitlin stared into his familiar blue eyes and her wayward emotions, set into turmoil from the events of the past weeks, flared into anger.
‘Why? Why would you have to ask?’ she gasped, trying to hold back her tears.
‘We’ve known each other all our lives, you know these marks are not self-inflicted.
They appeared after the solstice when we were all coping with Dad’s TIA and it was a while before I even acknowledged them. ’
‘Forgive me?’ he asked, looking stricken. ‘It was clumsily done. Of course you didn’t cause them. I’m sorry. Come on, let’s go back inside.’
‘Leave me alone,’ she snapped.
‘But the rehearsal…’
‘Who cares? This is going to be as much of a disaster as all the other plays, with scenery falling over, costumes malfunctioning, everyone forgetting their lines, missing cues and children projectile vomiting from the stage into the audience. Every year, we all pretend we’re rivalling the National Theatre with our productions, but they’re terrible, embarrassing disasters and this one is going to be the worst of the lot. ’
‘You don’t mean that—’
‘Yes, I do!’ she shouted. ‘My father is trying to turn a play containing one of the biggest family tragedies ever written into a musical in a bid to save his own family. Perhaps if he told everyone the truth, we’d be able to resolve things; but even now, my sisters and I are bound by the promise Mum made us swear on her deathbed, the promise to continue to protect Dad and his shameful secret.
A secret that actually isn’t dreadful at all, except for the fact it would belittle Dad in the eyes of this village. ’
‘What secret?’
She pulled her keys from her handbag and stormed off towards her car, Lee running behind her. ‘Ask your dad,’ she snapped, climbing into her car. ‘I bet he knows and your mum and all their friends, but I’m never saying it aloud again.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The reason none of my family wants to be near me is not because I inherited the café, that’s just the story Bean and Rabbit created, it’s because I’m the one who has already broken the promise we made to Mum and revealed Dad’s secret to the person involved.
I’m not sure I can sink any lower in their eyes. ’
With a roar of the engine, she screeched out of the car park, leaving Lee standing alone while the moody chords of The Verve’s ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’ drifted from the open theatre door, filling the autumn air.