15 #2
“No,” he says, angry. Catching my hands with his own, holding me in place. “We are going to talk about it. For the first time in years, we are finally going to talk.”
“What aren’t you hearing? I don’t want to!” I shriek at him.
“I’ve thought about it a million times, Saint.
Every day for years, I thought about it.
We were each other’s everything. I began where you ended, I existed for you.
I loved you!” he yells, tears leaking in the corner of his eyes.
“And you made it seem like it was one sided then threw it all away like it meant nothing.”
I grow angry, upset at him for digging down memory lane.
“Fuck you, if you existed for me then you wouldn’t have dated my best friend so quickly afterwards.
The two of you have been together for five fucking years, Richard!
” I yell back, tears suddenly spilling onto the cold ground.
I then whisper, “Clearly, I didn’t mean much of anything to you. ”
There is so much hurt and anger festering between us, we are both heaving from the words we have thrown at one another. Our eyes lock together, crackling in the quiet of the night.
Arden speaks, softer this time, “When mum died, things were different. Father was worse than before, irritable and short-tempered. At least when mum was around she managed to calm him down. He threw himself so heavily into work that everything, including his children, was business.”
He stuffs his hands into his pockets and blows out a heavy breath, “If we couldn’t benefit him then we didn’t mean anything. So he figured, as goodwill for one of his business deals, marriage would come with it. Be betrothed.”
My eyebrows jump in surprise, and I realise where he’s going, “Surely you don’t mean…”
“Madeliene-James. That was the real reason she was even let into the school despite her transcripts. Her parents decided they might as well send her to Thorncomb because my father had already agreed to it all and I was there.” He reveals, I stagger back, trying to hold myself upright. How could they not tell me?
Arden continues, “I refused adamantly, he knew I wouldn’t want this.
Anyone with eyes knew where my heart laid but he didn’t care.
The first year of mum’s death he was willing, even if reluctant, to let the moping and defiance slide.
But after, he said I had to or Livia would have to deal with the consequences.
” His sister means too much to him to not have seriously considered his father’s offer.
“I figured if we were together, I could convince him to have our families unite instead,” he says.
My chest starts to knock against my ribs for the second time tonight. I ask, “Did you only want to be with me because of your father?”
“You’re not listening, Saint. I confessed that day because I loved you, what he wanted was me killing two birds with one stone.”
I felt a window of relief at his words, “The question I asked earlier, you still haven’t answered. What is the point of this?”
He nears me in two quick strides, and cups my face so closely that any small movement will have our lips touching. Arden says, “The point is that the kiss shouldn’t have happened.”
My face drops and now I am actually upset.
I try to pull away but he stops me, “It shouldn't have happened, but I’m happy it did. It is the single greatest thing that’s happened to me in five years.
I haven’t been able to get the taste of your lips out of my mind.
I can feel you singing in every part of my bones. ”
Our noses graze, brushing together, our lips lightly touch but before more can happen I withdraw.
“What about MJ? Do you think either one of us is capable of hurting her in that way, more than we already have, I mean?” I ask him.
He drops my face, at the reminder of what hung in the balance. “Madeleine-James was a friend when I lost you. When you started dating that idiotic sycophant, Liam, she was there for me when I needed it. Then we agreed to do what our parents wanted, be together.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” Arden repeats. “You haven’t answered my question either, why did you do it?”
I want to tell him that the reason we lost so many years is because I let myself drown and wanted to save him from being infected from a poison I had been so sure I possessed.
That I was stupid and childish and arrogant to think I held the ability to affect another person’s life in that way.
I wanted to tell him that I am better now. Yet, I’m not so sure I am.
“She loves you,” I tell him instead, wanting him to hear it again.
“I know that.”
“Five years is a long time, Richard. There’s no way you don’t feel anything for her.”
“I loved her because I wasn’t given the chance to do anything but that.
The love I have for her was a decision that was forced upon me by you, by my father,” Arden professes.
His phone lights up and he looks down at it, his eyes pinching in frustration.
Probably the man in question. He starts to walk towards his car but turns around.
“Know this. I want you, St. Annabel. All I have ever wanted is just you. Maybe this isn't the right way to do it but I’ll do everything I can to get you back.” After a short pause, he leaves me standing there, still reeling from his words and at a loss.
There are moments in a person’s life when they find themselves standing at a crossroad, making the decision about what path to take that will determine their entire future.
Back when I was at my worst, I couldn’t even picture myself living to an age higher than fifteen.
The urge to not want to be alive soiled my mind.
Now, twenty years old and still prone to bad decisions.
I watch Arden’s car drive off and I realise I am going to be the one who makes the choice.
Do the right thing or love Arden Thorne?
But aren’t they one and the same?