Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
Sophia
I perch on the foot of the stairs, my elbows rested on my knees, and I listen to Eric reading to his mother.
I listen to the gentle timbre of his voice carry through the lower floor of the house.
I listen to the different voices that he uses for each of the characters.
I listen to his voice break as he reads, ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept.
’ I listen as he calls her ‘Mama’ and tells her how much he loves her.
I listen as he steadies his breath before he leaves the room.
And when he steps past the entryway, I stand to wrap my arms tightly around his neck with tears in my eyes as he bends to tuck his face into the crook of my neck.
“Come on, giant,” I tell him softly.
I take his hands in mine and lead him up the stairs toward his old bedroom, wishing against everything that I could take this away for him. He pulled me from my pain. He saved me. All I want to do is bring him the same peace, and not being able to burns a hole through every layer of my insides.
In his bed, I curl my body against Eric’s, stroking his raven hair behind his ear.
“You can feel this,” I tell him. “You’ve done such a good job of putting it all away and being as normal as possible for her, and that’s okay out there; but in here, you don’t have to be normal.
You can just be a son whose heart is broken.
She’s your mom, and she’s dying, and it sucks. ”
“I just— if I could have done something…”
“You couldn’t, and that’s not fair,” I say.
“It isn’t fair that you can’t fix it. It isn’t fair that someone so good has a cancer so ugly.
It isn’t fair that you have to lose her, and it is so incredibly fucking unfair that you don’t get to tell her a proper goodbye.
” My palm rests against his chest, rubbing soothing circles while tears well up in his eyes.
“This pain is a reflection of how much you love her, and you are allowed to feel every bit of that.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know, but feel it anyway.” I rest my head against his shoulder. “She took you to all of those doctors to help you get your pain out. Don’t squash it down now, when she needs you to feel it.”
A pang of guilt hits me when a sharp breath leaves him, followed by a quiet sob. “Fuck,” he whispers as his hand comes up to cover his face.
I wrap my entire body around him, squeezing as tight as I can while he cries, his sobs eventually no longer muffled. “I know, I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him. “It isn’t fair.”
My own tears fall silently against the fabric of his t-shirt while I hold him, listening to every hard beat of his broken heart.
I’ve seen him close to tears once since I met him; I’ve never heard him cry.
The sound of it etches itself deep into the corners of my mind with the rest of the painful things tucked away there.
The things that I never want to revisit, but will never forget.
I’m not sure how much time passes before his tears stop, and I’m not sure how long afterward it is that we lay in silence, my body still wrapped around his.
He rolls onto his side, facing me, and I stroke his hair behind his ear while I look into his eyes, his long lashes stuck together with the tears that have dried on them.
“I love you, giant,” I tell him as I tuck my head against his chest.
His finger hooks beneath my chin and he lifts my gaze to meet his.
“I wanna marry you, Sugar,” he tells me, and a fiery blush burns through my cheeks.
“I didn’t plan this out; I don’t have a ring or anything, but I wanna be old and ornery and falling asleep with you every night for sixty damn years. I’m gonna marry you.”
I can’t fight the grin that spreads across my face. “I don’t need a ring, Eric.”
“I’m gettin’ you a damn ring.”
I press my lips to his, telling him, “I love you,” before I tuck my head against his chest and let the steady beating of his heart lull me to sleep.
·
“Right through here,” Eric directs the movers to follow him, carrying a box of his own into the apartment.
As soon as we touched down at home, he called a team of movers to bring all of my stuff to his apartment, and on the way home, he stopped at a jeweler to buy me a ring.
I wasn’t allowed to help; he insisted that after a year and a half of having other people help him get it right, he needed to prove himself.
I was a little nervous, worried that he would grab the biggest, most expensive thing in the store just because of the price tag, but he absolutely nailed it.
A cushion cut diamond sits on my ring finger, surrounded with a halo, resting on a delicate band laced with smaller diamonds.
It’s definitely a luxury, but it isn’t gaudy.
Martina had a few good moments before we left yesterday; she recognized Eric as a good friend, someone who was kind to her and told her a nice story, and I think that was enough for him.
If she had known who he was, if she had really known, I don’t think that he could have gotten on that plane. I don’t think that I could have.
I think her remembering their story time was the best goodbye that he could have asked her for.
As more of my things pile into the apartment, I think about the ways that I’ll make it look lived in; we’ll have more than two throw pillows on the couch, that’s for sure.
I’ll put up some photos and set a few plants out to bring a little life to the space.
Fake plants, maybe, because I’m not really all that great with the real thing.
There will be more food in the fridge than there is beer, and I’ll put a bowl of fruit out on the counter.
Even if we never snack out of it, at least it will look like people exist in here.
Taking my hand in his, Eric gives me a spin, bringing me close to his body and dancing with me to music that isn’t playing.
“What are you doing?” I laugh, following his lead.
“Lovin’ on you,” he tells me.
He’s been saying it for a year, and I still haven’t gotten used to the butterflies that unleash inside of me when the words roll off of his tongue.
When I met Eric, I was a completely different person than I am now. I never expected my one night stand to turn into a man that I couldn’t get out of my mind, a man that I could trust with my heart, a man that would do anything to save me from something that I thought I would never escape.
I didn’t think that I was meant for a love like this, but here I am, thriving in it. So filled with love every single day that I don’t know where I keep it all.
He gave that to me, and I will forever be grateful that I found him.