Chapter 15 Luka #3
She immediately melted into him, settling into his chest as he moved her to his bed, only opening her eyes when he pulled the blankets over her. Tessa blinked several times, her brow scrunching in confusion.
“Just for tonight,” he said gruffly, turning away from her to pull his shirt over his head. He tossed it to the corner, knowing she wouldn’t need it tonight, before he grabbed a pair of lightweight pants and changed into them.
She waited until he was climbing into the other side of the low bed before she rasped, “Why?”
“Because you need to sleep, Tessa.”
She fell quiet, and Luka propped his hand behind his head, staring at the ceiling while he waited.
Within minutes, her breathing changed, just as he’d known it would, and shortly thereafter, she was rolling into him.
He tensed as she nestled into his side, a hand resting on his abdomen while a leg slid over his.
Then he loosed a long breath, forcing himself to relax.
He let his magic out, watching it gently wrap around her while he slowly did the same with his arm. His dragon gave a satisfied rumble.
It was just for tonight. If he gave her this, let her get some much needed rest, she’d be fine for a while. They wouldn’t need to do this again for at least a week. Maybe two.
That was what he told himself over and over as sleep found him too.
That was what he told himself when he woke a few hours later to find himself curled around her.
Her back to his chest. His arm keeping her held tightly to him.
His face buried in her neck, her scent surrounding him.
But even then, her arm stretched out, her hand seeking another that should be with them.
That was what he told himself when he jerked awake from his magic alerting him to someone crossing his wards around the cave.
He was up and out of the bed, already half-dressed and working off pure adrenaline when he realized the bed was now completely empty.
No blond hair fanned across a pillow or small form curled into a ball with the blankets thrown off.
Apparently, they both slept more soundly when near each other.
He knew that, of course, but that didn’t mean he liked admitting it. Or seeing such blatant evidence of it.
Still, someone had crossed his wards who wasn’t supposed to be here, and Tessa not being in his bed only had him hurrying to slide on his boots as he pulled a shirt on. He was nearly out the door when he saw the paper folded on one of the nightstands, his name scrawled across it.
Luka snatched it up as he left the room, reading as he went, but the more he read, the faster he moved until he was racing up the stairs and out into the crisp morning air.
There was nothing here. No one here. Not her.
Not her wolves. Not another living soul.
Only a single off-white feather that he bent to pick up.
His heart beating far too quickly, the paper crumpled in his fist where he gripped it, reading the words over again.
Luka-
You once told me I don’t know how to let myself be loved, and I think you’re right.
My entire life, I’ve tried to be what others wanted me to be.
Mother Cordelia and the instructors at the Estate.
Dex and Oralia. Then it was Theon. You. Rordan.
Achaz. All these beings with expectations and ideals of what they thought I should be and do and become.
In the end, I don’t think it’s my fault for not knowing how to be loved because for so long, I never was.
I didn’t know how to recognize it. But you also told me I needed to find myself worthy and deserving.
That I needed to fight for me, and because you taught me that, I know I don’t want ‘just for tonights.’ I know that’s all you can offer me now, and I understand why, but because of you, I know I can fight for more.
That if no one wants wild and untamed and chaotic, then I am content to be alone now.
Trying to conform to what this world, the gods, or the Fates think I should be is no longer something I wish to strive for.
I simply want to be free of it all because that is what I’m deserving of.
I know I did this to us, and sometimes consequences are as lasting as our immortal lives.
I won’t ask for your forgiveness, because that is indeed not something I am deserving of.
But I will say again, I am sorry, Luka. I am sorry I betrayed you so deeply.
I am sorry we found each other only for me to be less than what you needed and expected.
I am sorry I took so much from you. Being the grandchild of a god is lonely, and I’m sorry to leave you alone.
But while I don’t know how to let myself be loved, I think I did learn how to love.
How to give another freedom when it is what they desperately seek.
How to sacrifice and hurt and bleed for another to allow them to live a life they deserve.
It is all I have left to make amends with.
While I know you have found your father and brother, I know that is not what you want.
So I saved him for you. Or I’m trying to.
I will. We will save him for you. We will save him, and then we will leave so the Fates can hunt us elsewhere and maybe the two of you can find a way to bring peace to a broken realm.
If anyone can do it, it will be the two of you.
You deserve a life of freedom as much as I do.
Thank you for trying to love me. Thank you for giving me the chance to be loved by you.
Thank you for believing I am deserving of so much more.
I’m sorry it took me too long to figure it all out.
I’m sorry I was too late. But I don’t regret our nights.
Thank you for the time you did give me. Thank you for the training and the oranges and the flip-flops.
I don’t know how to let myself be loved, but I know I love you.
Differently from him and yet somehow the same. Thoroughly. Completely. Forever.
Eternally Yours
He still held that godsdamn feather, and he turned, racing back inside, all but leaping down the stairs.
“Razik? Blackheart? Xan? Who’s awake?” he yelled into the silence.
It shouldn’t have surprised him his father was the first to appear, everyone else a few seconds behind him. It also shouldn’t have surprised him Cienna was already in the kitchen, a cup of tea in her hands and violet eyes pinned on him.
“You already know,” Luka said tightly, holding her stare.
“I do now,” she answered.
He didn’t have time for her vague answers. He turned to the others, holding up the feather. “Is this what I think it is? A fucking seraph feather?”
“Where is Tessa?” Xan asked instead.
“Answer me!” Luka demanded.
Razik stalked forward, taking the feather from him and examining it before he said, “That’s what it looks like to me.” He lifted his eyes to Luka. “Is she gone? Did she go back to them?”
She’d left.
And he didn’t know if she’d willingly gone with them or not, but this sure as fuck looked like she had. Surely one of them would have heard a struggle. Been alerted to it. Her godsdamn wolves would have done something.
But he didn’t know what her plans were or what she was thinking because he’d pushed her away too much.
More than that, he knew this was a crossroads. His own version of salvation or destruction. She’d given him an out. Now he was left to decide if he was going to take it.