Chapter 33 Theon #2
“I… Are you all right?” she asked, dropping her hand back to his bare chest.
“Other than annoyed at missing out on how you became covered in blood, I’m fine,” he grumbled, pushing into a sitting position.
It was only then he realized a small audience had gathered in the room.
Tessa was still touching him, refusing to break that connection, and his eyes slid to Theon in question.
“You don’t remember?” Theon asked, watching him carefully.
“I remember waking up to find…you gone, but experiencing some kind of panic,” he said, glaring at Tessa in disapproval. “Then nothing.”
Theon nodded and quickly filled him in on what they’d worked out.
Tessa was silent the entire time, avoiding eye contact as their theory about his new Mark was explained.
When Theon finished, Luka studied her for a moment before saying, “Can you all give us a minute? We can discuss this more later.”
Everyone nodded, trailing from the room, but when Theon made to follow, Luka stopped him. “Not you, you idiot.”
Theon gave him a flat look, closing the door behind Xan. “I figured you wanted to—”
But Luka cut him off. “If the three of us are doing this, we’re doing it together.”
Theon nodded. They were still working out how to navigate this thing, but Luka was right. It needed to be done together. Something they needed Tessa to understand.
He slipped his hands into the pockets of his pants and watched as Luka reached over and tipped Tessa’s face up with his fingers. “We have some things to discuss, but first, is this your blood or someone else’s?”
“It’s not mine,” she breathed, tears welling in her eyes as the fear was replaced with grief.
Theon was moving then, reaching to pull her up before he grabbed Luka’s hand to do the same. He swayed a little, a groove of annoyance appearing on his brow as he steadied himself.
“When I found her, she was with Blackheart and Brecken. Brecken was…” Theon hesitated.
“Brecken is dead,” Tessa said softly, one of those tears breaking free, and all those tears brought Theon back to months ago when she was shedding tears for different reasons. Those reasons he could have fixed. Was trying to fix so many things, but this… He couldn’t change this for her.
“How?” Luka asked.
“Oralia,” she spat, and Theon went rigid.
“You saw Oralia?” he asked.
She nodded. “She was… She stabbed Brecken in the back.”
“Where is she now?”
“The Pits of Torment.”
“You killed her?” Luka asked.
She nodded again.
“How?”
It was a growled command, and Tessa’s eyes flared at the order, her power appearing and snapping to attention.
“A blade,” she answered, her tone dark and cold. “I cut off her wings one at a time, and then I shoved it all the way through her chest.”
“So vicious,” Luka purred. “You keep doing these things when I’m not around, temptress.” His head tilted in a completely predatory move. “Which raises the question, what were you doing there? So far from us?”
“I… I didn’t know this would happen,” she answered, lifting her chin as that defiance that Theon both loved and hated crept in.
“I don’t give a fuck that I almost died. Again,” Luka growled. “I just want to know why you were there.”
“To destroy a mirror gate,” she answered coldly. “I asked Tristyn if he knew where one was, and he invited Brecken because he has—had—found some of the exact locations.”
“And this goes back to the vision you were trapped in a few nights ago?” Theon cut in, putting the pieces together.
“Yes,” she snapped. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“Wrong,” Luka said in that same seductive growl, and Theon was glad he’d let Luka take the lead on this one. If Theon had done that, her defenses would already be too high, and she would have shut him down. “But that can wait. Right now, you need a shower.”
“You don’t—” she started in outrage, but then she paused. “What?”
“As much as I enjoy the sight of you covered in blood,” Luka replied, taking her hand and leading her to the ensuite. “You need to wash it off. Then I’m assuming we need to deal with the aftermath of what happened.”
“What aftermath?”
“Brecken,” Theon said softly, seeing where Luka was going with this. “We need to deal with Brecken.”
“Tristyn said he would take care of it,” she answered, trying to pull her hand from Luka’s.
“And we’re going to take care of you,” Theon replied. “You have to deal with this, Tessa. You can’t ignore the grief and the pain. When you do, you lose control.”
Luka dropped her hand to go turn on the shower, while Theon stepped forward and reached for the hem of her shirt, lifting it over her head.
“It’s okay to feel things,” he said softly. “You need to feel them.”
“And you?”
“You know I feel things,” he said with a dark grin, reaching to tuck her hair behind her ear. “From the very beginning. It’s you we’ve never been able to read and figure out. Not even you know how to do that.”
“Let’s go, baby girl,” Luka called, and they both turned to find him waiting.
Naked.
Her cheeks flushed as she hooked her thumbs in her pants and pushed them down. Theon followed suit, and they both moved to the shower. She reached for Luka, pushing onto her toes, but he stopped her before she went any farther.
“Just so we’re managing expectations,” Luka said, “there will be no fucking.”
Tessa lurched back, crashing into Theon’s bare chest, and he almost let a huff of laughter slip.
“What do you mean?” Tessa demanded.
“I mean exactly what I said,” Luka continued calmly, but Theon knew he was anything but calm. She was naked, all that bare flesh on full display. Of course, they wanted to fuck her, but he also knew what Luka was doing.
Luka reached for her once more, and Theon nudged her forward.
Guiding her under the water, Luka moved behind her, tipping her head back.
“You need to deal with this, Tessa. Not by drinking. Not by fucking. Not by drowning in vices that push it down. Like Theon said, that’s when your power takes control. ”
Then he was passing her back to Theon, where he waited with shampoo. He began lathering her hair, and even still, he could feel the tension rolling off her. “We know he was a friend, little storm.”
“Stop,” she gritted out.
“We won’t stop,” Luka said simply. “You need to learn to process your emotions, baby girl.”
“Don’t baby girl me,” she snarled. She rounded on Theon, eyes hard. “And what about you?” she snapped. “You’re pushing down emotions. I can feel you too, you know.”
He knew his smirk was dark, and she faltered for the briefest of moments before steeling herself once more. Passing her back to Luka, he said, “Don’t worry, Tessa. Our feelings about this matter will be dealt with when it’s time. But right now, our focus is on you, not us.”
She swallowed thickly as Luka guided her head back again, rinsing the shampoo from her hair.
No one said anything else as they conditioned her hair and washed the blood from her skin.
But they felt her. Felt her trying to shove down her sadness.
Felt her starting to spiral. Felt her doing everything she could not to feel at all.
Despite the heat from the shower, she was trembling when Theon held her to him while Luka quickly washed up.
Then Luka did the same for him before stepping out and drying off.
It wasn’t until Theon guided her out to Luka, waiting for her with a towel, that Luka said, “I’m sorry you lost someone else important to you.”
“Don’t,” she snarled, sparks crackling at her fingertips.
“I know we just learned of his true loyalty, but he did a lot for you. For Kat. Likely for so many innocent people we will never know.”
“Luka, stop,” she said again, her sharpness cracking.
“I wish we’d gotten the chance to know him more. He seemed like a decent male. Arrogant and questionable, but decent in the end.”
“Luka!”
He moved her to the side so Theon could step out, and he quickly dried himself off while Luka kept talking.
“I’m sorry you had to see his death, but it’s not your fault,” Luka continued.
“Of course it’s my fault,” she snapped. “His death is directly correlated to my actions. Just like Auryon and Pen. You and Roan nearly faced the same because of me.”
Theon froze at the words.
Her hands were in her wet hair before either of them could stop her, and she pushed away from Luka as her power lashed out. Not at them, but just…
Theon watched as it coiled and writhed, snapping out before back in. It wound around her, then released her. Then it sprang back, moving up her torso to her own throat as if to—
“Tessa!” Theon barked, his darkness lurching for her chaos. Because it was lashing out at her. A reflection of her emotions she was trying so godsdamn hard to avoid. Her own self-loathing and guilt over her past— both things in and out of her control.
His magic did what he wanted it to, distracting her chaos. Luka must have recognized it too because his black flames were there, drawing her power away from her. They wouldn’t allow her power to consume her rather than face this. Face herself.
“Did you get to talk to him before he died?” Luka asked, his tone bordering on harsh.
“Stop!” she snarled once more, taking a step back from them.
And what a sight this must be. The two of them with towels around their waists.
Tessa naked, having pushed away from Luka’s warmth, staring them down in the steam-filled bathroom with her fingers pulling on her hair.
That madness lurked, trying to pull her under, while they did everything they could to keep her here with them.
“Brecken’s death is not on you, Tessa,” Theon said. She opened her mouth to argue, but he went on before she could. “There are more contributing factors than just you. The same was true for Auryon and Pen.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said,” he interjected. “I was losing control, and you…” He swallowed, shoving a hand through his wet hair. “You were the easiest person for me to lash out against. But this? Tessa, you didn’t even invite him. Blackheart did.”
“And his own actions contributed too,” Luka said, his tone softening. “He was a traitor to the cause he was sent here for. He got caught. That is not your fault, Tessa.”
She shook her head, two tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. “He was… He told me truths when no one else would.”
They were silent, letting her get her words out.
“He helped me figure out my true purpose. That I could decide what that was.” She swiped at her cheeks angrily. “In a realm of villains, he wasn’t one of them in the end.”
“He knew the risks of his actions,” Theon said gently.
“I’m the reason he was caught,” she snapped, that anger returning.
“Give him some credit, Tessa,” Luka said sharply.
“He sacrificed for something he believed in. His death wasn’t wasted.
He saved innocent people. He was part of a revolution in Devram before we even realized there was going to be one.
He helped start it. Don’t do him the dishonor of cheapening his sacrifice. ”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said suddenly, turning to leave the bathroom.
But Theon’s power was faster, snapping the door shut before she’d even taken three steps. She whirled, the fury back, and the gold bands on her wrists flaring with it.
“You have to feel it, Tessa,” he said.
“No, Theon. I don’t,” she retorted.
He only gave her a small, sad smile while Luka leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms.
Gods, he wanted to go to her and pull her into him.
Take this from her. Protect her from herself, because that was what he’d always tried to do for everyone in his life.
Craving control to keep those he loved safe, but he couldn’t protect her from this.
He couldn’t take the pain or the guilt or the grief.
Neither he nor Luka dared to move yet, too afraid it would make her stop talking. Stop feeling everything she needed to face.
“We’ll be here for it, Tessa,” Luka said. “You’re not alone anymore.”
“It’s easier to be angry,” Theon added. “At me. At Dexter. At Rordan. The gods. The Fates.” He paused before saying, “At yourself. That’s easier than feeling the pain of a loss.
You can busy yourself. You can let your power punish you.
You can drink or fuck to try to drown it out, but eventually, it’s going to consume you,” he said again.
“Eventually, it turns you into someone no one recognizes. Someone you swore you’d never be.
Someone you were trying everything in your power not to become. ”
She swallowed thickly, finally pulling her hands from her hair, only to clutch them at her chest. Her power was still drifting, entranced by theirs.
And all that was left was for her to feel.
Shaking her head, more tears fell. “It hurts,” she whispered. “I’m so tired of hurting. Of trying to be what I need to be, only to fail in the end.”
Something wet landed on his cheek. Then another on his arm. The top of his foot.
And as Tessa finally broke, feeling things she’d trained herself to never acknowledge for years, it started to rain indoors. As if the steam itself were clouds of her own grief and sorrow.
Luka pushed off the counter, taking a towel with him.
He wrapped it around her shoulders before scooping her up and lowering to the floor with her.
Theon moved to them, sitting beside them as she buried her face in Luka’s chest and cried.
Sobs that made the rain become a gentle steady shower, seeping into everything, but he’d sit in the rain forever if it meant he could be one of the two people she’d let herself learn to feel with.
In the end, it was perhaps ten minutes before the rain subsided.
Theon went to get fresh towels, drying themselves and her before they moved back out to the bedroom.
Theon slipped one of his shirts over her head, and they all climbed under the covers.
Tessa was asleep within minutes, tears still falling even while she dreamed.
Theon met Luka’s gaze over the top of her, a silent understanding passing between them.
They’d give her time to process, time to grieve, but the matter of her going to Falein Kingdom without them would still be discussed. Luka was just as furious as he was. He could feel it down the bond.
They’d convinced her she wasn’t alone. Proven it as best they could. Now she needed to understand that she was theirs as much as they were hers, and that meant she didn’t fucking leave them behind.
They were hers in every way.
Lovers.
Equals.
Protectors.
And, when necessary, they’d still be her villains.