Chapter 35 Tessa
TESSA
Tessa lurched as her earbuds were plucked from her ears, spilling coffee down the front of her shirt.
“Up,” Theon said, taking the coffee mug from her.
“Gods, Theon, could you be any more annoying right now?” she grumbled, getting to her feet. She’d known he was down here. She’d seen him walk into the kitchen, and even if she hadn’t, their bond knew. Content to an extent but also wanting.
“You’re in a mood this morning,” he retorted with a hint of amusement.
“How do we even know it’s morning?” she muttered. “There’s no sun here.”
But that wasn’t the only reason she was in a mood. She was growing incredibly restless in the Underground. She needed fresh air and to see Nylah and Roan. Needed to see the godsdamn sky.
But she also needed.
True to their words, neither Theon nor Luka had touched her since Brecken’s death.
No. That wasn’t true.
They’d touched her. They’d held her and comforted her. Pulled her close and draped limbs over her in sleep. But there had been no sex.
And someone had removed all the alcohol from the penthouse.
And Tristyn was avoiding her because she would absolutely bribe him for some lull-leaf.
So yeah, she was in a fucking mood.
But…
While she would never admit it to them, she felt freer in a way.
She’d taken a lot of freedoms for her own these past months.
She’d left Theon and chosen her path back to him.
She’d made choices and faced the consequences.
She’d given Luka freedom, allowing him the choice to come back to her.
She’d chosen her own destiny and purpose rather than what everyone else had told her she should be.
Salvation over destruction, and in some cases, destruction over salvation. Her future was hers and hers alone.
But she’d also chosen to let herself love and be loved, and that had opened a door to something she hadn’t expected.
Other…emotions. Feelings she didn’t know what to do with.
She’d been just as trapped by emotions her entire life.
Forced to shove them down to avoid punishment by Cordelia.
Then forced to hide them because it meant unwanted attention.
Until eventually, it had become second nature.
It was easier to be nothing when you felt nothing.
Until she’d started letting herself love.
Then Luka and Theon had taken it upon themselves to make sure she learned how to feel every godsdamn thing.
She hated them for it.
And she loved them for it.
But it still fucking hurt.
On top of all that, she knew there was more to come.
She could still feel their anger about her going to the Falein Kingdom over two weeks ago, and it had her on edge.
For two people forcing her to confront her emotions, they were doing a fine job of avoiding their own.
But every time she tried to pick a fight with them about it, they said nothing.
Sometimes her own anger would flare because of it, and they’d let it.
Sometimes she’d feel a sense of rejection, because if they were forcing her to be vulnerable with them, couldn’t they do the same?
Anger to sadness. Irritation to apathy. They were forcing her to deal with all of it.
Never once leaving her alone, even when she screamed at them to do so.
“Go change,” Theon said. “Luka is waiting for you upstairs.”
“Change into what?” she drawled. “A different pair of leggings and another sweatshirt?”
He smirked but didn’t reply, once again not rising to her bait for a fight.
She sighed, gesturing to the books she’d been studying. Razik had given them to her when she’d asked him for help in learning more about Marks. Maybe she could figure out this power transfer thing, and then they wouldn’t need to worry about bringing her mother here.
“We need to figure out how to transfer power to you, Theon,” she said. “Not to mention trying to figure out Rordan’s plans. Your father is out there. So is Eviana with Corbin and Lange. Then there’s the Fates—”
“That’s quite the list,” he interrupted, sliding his hands into his pockets.
“Yes, it is,” she snapped. “And instead of doing anything about it, we’re sitting on our asses in the fucking Underground.”
He smiled again, tilting his head.
“And you’re being a dick. Both of you are. It’s no wonder I went to the Falein Kingdom without the two of you.” She planted her hands on her hips. “Come to think of it, I should get Tristyn and go again. I bet he’d be happy to, and he’d bring some lull-leaf and agaveheart too.”
His features darkened, and his words were tight when Theon said, “Careful, beautiful. Get upstairs and change.”
She rolled her eyes, instead plopping back down onto the sofa and reaching for her earbuds. “You go change. Then you and Luka can fuck off and go do whatever it is you’re planning by yourselves.”
“Gods, I forgot what an absolute pain in the ass you can be sometimes,” Theon growled. And before she knew it, he was picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, her earbuds dropping to the floor.
“Theon! Put me down!” she demanded, hanging upside down. When he ignored her yet again, she snarled, letting some of her power out. But he was prepared, his darkness already there and acting as a shield against her.
Then he sent that darkness to caress her own magic, and gods. Every part of her existence keened with need. Now he was just being intentionally cruel.
She felt him huff a dark chuckle as he kicked open the door to their room. Still hanging upside down over his shoulder, she couldn’t see Luka, but she heard him just fine.
“I see her mood has improved,” Luka said, and she knew without a doubt there was a smirk playing on his lips.
“Fuck off, Luka Mors,” she spat. Then she was uttering more curses as Theon dumped her onto the bed.
“This godsdamn mouth of yours,” Theon muttered as he stared down at her, loosening his tie and tossing it aside. “Will you please stop with your dramatics and get changed now?”
“My dramatics?” she repeated in outrage, scrambling up and standing on the bed so she was eye level with him. “I am trapped inside fucking mountains, Theon. No sky. No wind. It’s suffocating. My power is— I’m— I can’t—”
“We know, Tessa,” he said firmly. “You think we can’t feel you? That we haven’t been monitoring your emotions these last weeks? Would you look at Luka?”
Her head whipped to the side, where she found Luka standing with a pile of clothing. It appeared to be…training clothes? And the look the dragon was giving her was clearly unimpressed.
Her eyes narrowed. “Where are we going?”
He shrugged. “If you’d stop throwing a godsdamn fit, we’d show you.”
“Tell me,” she countered, lifting her chin in defiance.
“Trust us,” Luka threw back.
She glared at him, but he didn’t back down.
“Either change or wear that. I don’t really care,” he said, dropping the clothing onto the coffee table. “But you look like a fucking mess.”
“I hate you both,” she snarled, leaping from the bed and crossing the room. With little fanfare, she stripped down, knowing damn well they weren’t going to do anything about the hungry way they were watching her.
When she was done, Luka was there, handing her a hair tie. His hair was already up, and when she glanced at Theon, she found him in training attire as well.
“Now what?” she demanded.
“I’d tell you to put on shoes, but…” Luka said, arching a brow.
“No,” she said simply.
“I figured as much,” he said with a shrug, Theon coming closer. Then Luka grabbed her hand, Traveling them.
A moment later, she was outside. Instead of being under the mountains, she was in them. Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes as the wind blew across her face. A few stray hairs fluttered against her cheek, and despite her foul mood, she smiled. That smile only grew when howls sounded seconds later.
“Where are we?” she asked, not bothering to open her eyes.
“In the Ozul Mountains,” Luka answered. “This is a small outdoor training arena hidden near my cave.”
She turned to look at him. “Why haven’t you brought me here before?”
“Because I only bring people here I fully trust.”
“What’s so special about it?”
He held her stare for a few silent seconds before he said, “This place is where one of a handful of memories I have with my father is.”
She nodded in understanding, a flicker of familiar guilt sparking in her soul. “Why bring me here now?”
“Because you needed to get out,” Theon answered. “You’re not made to be cooped up, are you, little storm?”
“No,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed once more as she inhaled deeply again. The clouds parted, and she felt the warm sun on her skin.
But she snarled as black flames licked her flesh.
“What was that for?” she snapped, her magic yanking to be freed.
“Giving your power something to want,” Luka said simply.
Theon was beside him now, his magic drifting around him and his shadow wings flaring wide. “You need to siphon off some power, tempest.”
She smiled then. A real smile as she let her power free. It poured from her, racing to tangle with their magic, but also pulsing in time with her own heartbeat. For the first time in perhaps ever, she felt like it was a part of her and not a thing living inside her.
For the first time ever, she felt balanced.
She didn’t know how much time passed as she played with her gifts, and they did too. Golden lightning and drifting black embers. Black flames and darkness. Chasing and tangling. Pushing and pulling.
And she laughed as the sun beat down on them.
Something deep and real.
She let herself feel.
Not grief or fury. Not defeat or pain. This was joy. This was serenity.
This was happiness.