Chapter 57 Theon #2
But after twenty-two days of mentally exhausting debates, he’d been looking forward to falling into bed with Tessa and Luka and not having to be up before the sun tomorrow.
They’d gone back to Arius House and were planning to stay for a few days as a sort of holiday until they would return to the Acropolis. The Pantheon wasn’t being rebuilt, but there was a home that was going to be built there.
Their home.
For the Keepers and the High Goddess.
In the meantime, they would stay at the Arius Manor.
Theon followed Axel across the house to the private wing, which still felt strange to be in so freely. They climbed a few flights of stairs, coming to what he knew were Axel and Kat’s private quarters.
“Axel?” he sighed. “This couldn’t wait?”
He shook his head, leading him through their sitting room and then their bedroom. Luka and Kat were standing in a doorway, and Theon’s brow pinched. They were standing in the doorway of the nursery, and when Theon came up behind them, he stilled.
Tessa was in the nursery, asleep in the rocking chair, and nestled on her chest was a sleeping Maddox.
“She found me and asked if she could hold him,” Kat whispered. “I left her with him while I went to shower real quick, and when I came back…” She gestured to them.
“Do you want us to…take her?” Theon asked because Maddox was a few months old now, and this was the first time Tessa had held him.
“She’s fine,” Kat said. “You can stay as long as you want. I’m sure he’ll be waking in the next hour to eat.”
Theon nodded, Axel and Kat wandered out to the sitting room, and he and Luka ventured into the dim nursery, taking seats on the small sofa.
“Any ideas on what instigated this?” Luka asked, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles.
“No idea,” Theon said, watching her with the sleeping babe. “Maybe she just needed time?”
“Doubt it,” Luka said. “This has been a thing since Maddox was born.”
“Yeah,” Theon sighed because he was right.
And so was Kat.
It was maybe twenty minutes later when Maddox started to stir, and Tessa’s eyes snapped open. Her features twisted as she tried to figure out what to do, but Theon was there, scooping up their nephew.
“I’ve got him, beautiful,” he said with a soft smile.
She looked a little embarrassed when her gaze darted to Luka. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“We’re all exhausted, Tessa,” Luka replied, reaching for her hand and pulling her to her feet. “Let’s go to our rooms.”
They delivered Maddox to his parents and made their way back across the house, and as soon as the door closed behind them, she spun to face them.
“I need to tell you something,” she said, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
Theon and Luka both froze, waiting for her to go on.
“I…” She cleared her throat and crossed her arms, clearly working up the courage to tell them this. “In a few days, I’m going to see Cienna, and she is going to give me some Marks. I wanted to tell you before I went.”
“Okay,” Theon said tentatively as Luka made his way to the liquor cart. Guess they weren’t going to bed quite yet. “What are these Marks for?”
“I—” Her hands were in her hair, tugging at the ends. “I don’t want children,” she blurted.
He and Luka both froze again because where was this coming from?
“It’s not an impulsive decision,” she went on. “I don’t know the first thing about being a mother.”
“That is something that would come in time, Tessa,” Theon said carefully while Luka passed out liquor and wine.
“That’s not…” A sound of frustration came from her. “My existence nearly destroyed a realm. Can you imagine my child? With either one of you? With Luka, it would be a great-grandchild of four gods. With you and your surplus of power? A child would be hunted. They would upset the balance.”
“It would be different, Tessa,” Theon argued. “Our child wouldn’t be left alone.”
“You think Temural and Akira didn’t think the same thing?
” she countered. “Because they did. I’ve been spending time with her.
This isn’t what she wanted, but that’s not always how life goes.
I cannot bring a child into the stars knowing what fate would await them.
This isn’t like Maddox. Even if I had a child with a random mortal—” She paused when he and Luka both made unimpressed sounds at that idea.
“I just mean any child of mine will be hunted. That is not fair to them. And I…” She was looking between them, her eyes pooling with tears as she begged them to understand.
“I can scarcely handle my own Chaos most days. It is a constant battle, even with your help.” Those tears broke free.
“I am sorry if this is a dream of yours, but I can’t. ”
“And Maddox tonight?” Luka asked after an extended silence.
“I’ve avoided him,” she said, sounding utterly defeated. “Because I think that is something you want, and it is not something I am willing to give you. And tonight? I wanted to hold him. Just to see if something changed. If I had any inclination to want that, and I don’t. I wish I did.”
Luka had set his drink aside and was taking her wineglass back before he pulled her into him. “Baby girl, how long have you felt this way?”
“Since before he was born, and I didn’t— Look at everything we had to do to ensure his safety.
My child would require so much more,” she answered.
“And even if that wasn’t the case, it is something I do not want.
I am content to be with you two for the rest of my days.
To spoil Maddox and Priya and any other children others may have.
Because some day, we may have to defend this world again, and I cannot have a child in it when I do so. ”
“Okay, Tessa,” Luka murmured as she cried silently into his chest. “We would never force you. This is your choice. No one else’s.”
“But an heir—”
“Does not matter,” Theon interjected. “As someone who was being forced to produce an heir, that will never happen again. To any of us.”
“But it is something you want,” she whispered, so much pain shining in her eyes.
Theon was crossing to them now, taking her chin in his hand. “There is nothing I want as much as you, Tessa. Do you understand?”
“But—”
“No buts. Like Luka said, this is your choice. Tell me of these Marks.”
She swallowed thickly several times, getting herself under control. “When Eliza was here, I asked of the Mark on her chest—”
“You are not getting a Curse Mark,” Luka growled.
“No. I know. I mean, I did think about it,” Tessa admitted. “Until we freed Caris.”
“That’s what you were asking her about the morning I found you with her and the hounds,” Theon said in understanding.
She nodded. “Her Marks are permanent, and they differ from Eliza’s. I understand it’s permanent. Even if I ever did change my mind, I cannot bring a child into the stars,” she repeated. “If that is something we ever want, we could find a child in our own realm to give a home, right?”
“And you’ve been thinking about this for some time?”
She nodded. “I’ve never dwelled on it. Not until Maddox was born, and I know I should have said something before we all bound ourselves to one another, but—”
“Tessa,” Luka interrupted, easing her back so he could look into her face. “Children were an option far into the future. You were never an option because you’ve always been inevitable.”
“You’re not upset?”
“Surprised? Yes. Will we need some time to process? Sure,” Luka answered, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But the only thing I’m upset about is you taking so long to talk to us.”
“I just wanted to be sure before I did,” she murmured.
Theon took her hand, tugging her to him. “We’re going with you for the Marks,” he answered.
She nodded, settling into him, a weight clearly lifted from her thoughts.
And later that night, as he watched her sleep with his head propped on a fist, he thought back on everything they’d survived to get to this point.
He’d never really thought of children as a dream.
It had always been an expected responsibility.
The only thing he’d truly dreamed of was a family different from what he’d grown up with, and he had that right here in his bed.
Unconventional and different in every possible way.
Because this had always been more than a bond.