35. CONAN
Chapter thirty-five
T hough I was groggy from all the wine and whiskey, the rustle of movement stirred me awake. I opened my eyes to see Lucian leaving the bedroom. I realized Angel was sprawled out over my chest, her leg draped over mine. I took a couple of deep breaths, thinking about how completely satisfied and beautiful she had been in the shower, how Lucian and I had left her speechless. Her willingness and curiosity to engage in such a completely new kind of sexual connection fascinated me. Although sharing her with Lucian was an erotic encounter I’d never forget, it was a one-and-done situation for me. I’d been happy to indulge her, but I couldn’t ever share her again. Angel was different. She’s been given to me by an act of fate, and she was mine, even if she didn’t know it yet .
I needed to talk to Lucian before he left, to get a better sense of his intentions and feelings for her. Carefully, I moved her off me. She stirred but then buried her face into the pillow, her lips slightly parted, and drifted back into a sound sleep. I got up quietly, leaving her wrapped in the sheets, her breathing soft and even. She looked so peaceful, but my mind was anything but. I hunted for my clothes, found my boxer briefs on the other side of the bed, and slid them on. Making my way downstairs, I found Lucian pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Smells nice and strong,” I said.
“Isn’t that the only way to drink it? Here, have a cup,” he said, handing one to me. He leaned against the counter, a smirk playing on his lips. “Last night was great, huh? I’m glad we worked through any issues between us and focused on what was important…giving our girl some pleasure.”
Taking a sip, I hesitated before responding. I didn’t want to cause a rift between us. I would need his help with this whole arranged marriage mess. Any conflict between us would put Angel in the middle. So I chose my words carefully. “Yeah, I’d do just about anything for her.”
Lucian shook his head as his smirk broadened into a smile. “You’re too obvious, dude. Your feelings for her are written all over your face.”
Unsure of what to say but wanting to get right to the point, I dropped my chin toward my shoulder and eyed Lucian skeptically for a minute. “Tell me what your plans are for her. Do you just want to fuck her, or is there more between you? I know you’ve been in her life for a long time. How can you not have feelings for the woman?”
He set his cup on the counter, and his brows drew together as he rubbed the scruff on his chin. “Here’s where you’re mistaken, my friend. Ana and I have carefully maintained a sex-only, no- commitment arrangement. She is as close a friend as I have, much like the other men at the club, but that’s all it will ever be between us.”
“So do you see the two of you continuing to be fuck buddies?” I asked, unable to keep my tone from being caustic as the jealousy raged in my gut.
Lucian laughed darkly. “Buddy, you’ve got it so bad for the girl. And you know what? I think it’s great that she’s got someone like you now. I see the way you look at her. You worship her. She’s lucky to have found a guy who would hop on a plane at a moment’s notice and fly across the country to make sure she’s safe. She’s a good girl just trying to make her way in life under shit circumstances. Don’t worry, you won’t have any issues with me. If Ana wants to have an exclusive relationship with you, then I’ll support it one hundred percent. No weirdness between us. You think you can manage that?”
“I can’t share her,” I said. “So all I can do is hope that’s what she wants. If not, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
Lucian gave me an understanding look. “First, we’ve got to help her deal with the fucking arranged marriage bullshit. It’s hard to believe something that archaic is still happening.”
“Agreed,” I said quickly. “We need to figure out a plan for dealing with the mafia, even if it means I have to take Angel and live off grid or go to some other drastic measures to protect her.”
Lucian nodded. “Let’s meet at the club in a couple of hours to come up with a strategy. Going against the New York mafia isn’t going to be easy. Not something I’d ever envisioned dealing with, but here we are.”
“Sounds good.”
Lucian glanced at his phone. “All right, I’ve gotta get out of here. Ana won’t be surprised I left. I always keep things simple and leave before she wakes so there are no awkward conversations.” He gulped down his remaining coffee and then headed out.
I stood there for a moment, absorbing everything he had said. I thought more about the nightmare ahead and how we’d protect Angel. The way he’d talked about her rubbed me wrong. It wasn’t that I wanted him to have feelings for her or pursue a deeper relationship with her, but his detached coolness bothered me. He treated her with no more care than a drive-through pickup, knowing full well he’d been her first. And she accepted that as if she didn’t deserve better. She was so resigned to the fact that she would marry some mafia goon that everything else was a privilege to her.
Witnessing this from a different perspective made me hate myself for doing the very same thing to so many other women. Sure, I had my fucked-up excuses, but that was all they were—excuses. No woman was just a vessel for men’s gratification. Every single one was worth more. Dammit, I’d never do it again, regardless of what happened with my Angel. She’d changed me.
I decided to bring Angel breakfast in bed, hoping to ease her into the morning. Looking through her kitchen, I found an assortment of breakfast foods that I hoped would hit the spot.
I grabbed the bag of coffee beans and ground some for a fresh pot, taking a second to inhale the rich aroma before setting it to brew. As the machine hissed and gurgled, I grabbed a glass and poured some orange juice. She could definitely use some vitamin C. My mind kept circling back to last night. It had been intense, more intense than anything I’d ever experienced. I’d shared her willingly with Lucian to ensure she never felt like she had missed out on anything, and it was a decision I was at peace with, but it was clear to me now—I couldn’t do that again.
Pausing, I wondered how Angel would feel about the threesome. She’d had a lot to drink. Maybe she had done things she wouldn’t have otherwise. Would she regret it? Did she see me differently now that she had all her memories back? I scooped some strawberry yogurt into a bowl and sprinkled granola on top, trying to push those worries aside.
The way I cared for Angel was unlike anything I’d experienced before. It was risky, powerful, almost overwhelming. It had seemed like she was catching feelings for me too, right before she’d left Tacoma. But she was confronting more than anyone should ever have to—recovering from the wreck, the shock of regaining her memories, dealing with her father and the arranged marriage—which meant her emotions were all tangled up.
I didn’t want to pressure her about what was happening between us, but I wasn’t going to walk away either. She’d been through so much. My goal now was to protect her, both physically and emotionally, but I also wanted her to know that she wasn’t obligated to be with me and that she could take her time to sort through everything. But damn, I had fallen hard for her, and I wanted to make her mine.
Once the coffee finished brewing, I poured a cup, savoring the strong, robust scent. I knew what I needed to do. Be patient. Be understanding.
I found a tray in the cabinet, arranged everything on it, and headed upstairs. I had to talk to her, to figure out where she stood with Lucian. Just because he wanted nothing more than sex didn’t mean she felt the same way.
When I got to the door of the bedroom, I peeked in. The sight of her sprawled out on the bed, still lost in sleep, made my heart squeeze. She was mine, and I was going to protect her from everything, even if it meant taking on the whole damn mafia.
Balancing the tray, I nudged the door open wider with my foot and walked to the edge of the bed. Her stillness reminded me of the days she had spent unconscious. It occurred to me that she’d spent most of her life emotionally closed off, unconscious in a sense, without ever hoping to find love—much like I had been until she landed in my ED.
I placed the tray on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed. Gently, I brushed a strand of hair from her face, watching as she stirred.
She groaned softly, stretching before rubbing her eyes. “Morning, sleepyhead,” I greeted her, unable to suppress a grin.
Opening her eyes, she blinked at me. “Morning,” she croaked, her voice still heavy with sleep. She shifted and winced, moving a hand to her lower abdomen as she sat up.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, handing her the mug. “Thought you might like some good, strong coffee after last night.”
Angel sat up, dragging the covers around her waist and taking the coffee with a grateful nod. “God, my head is killing me. I thought getting my memories back was the worst stabbing pain, but this might just be more dreadful.” She blew on the coffee before taking a sip. “And…I’m sore in places I didn’t even know could be sore.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, wine and whiskey aren’t the best combination if you want to avoid a hangover. And, well, taking two men for the first time…you’d have to expect to be a little sore.”
She laughed weakly, then winced again. “No kidding. Yeah, I suppose that comes with the territory. But honestly, I don’t mind. Last night was…something else. I’m so glad I trusted you.”
She handed me the cup, threw the covers off, and darted into the bathroom.
“You okay? ”
“Fine. Just gotta go,” she said over her shoulder before shutting the bathroom door. After a little while, she walked out wearing an old, oversized T-shirt that barely reached her thighs. Her face was flushed and still damp from washing it, and her hair was tied up in a messy bun. A breathtaking smile was spread across her face, lighting up those icy blue eyes as she closed the distance between us. God, she was the most gorgeous creature. My cock rose to attention. There was no way I’d ever get enough of her.
I shifted from the middle of the bed, scooting down to the lower part so she could climb back in. With one foot resting on the floor and the other leg bent, I positioned myself so I could face her as she flopped back against the headboard. Her shirt rode up, giving me a glance of her pretty pussy. All I wanted to do was throw her down on the bed and worship every inch of her. I wished we could stay here all day and fuck until we both passed out, but I needed to get some clarity on how she felt first. Damn, it was hard to focus. I leaned forward, reached for the glass of orange juice, and handed it to her, trying to shake off my desire.
“Oh, you have no idea how good that looks,” she said. “My head is pounding. You’re right—the wine and whiskey combo did a number on me.” She laughed, taking the cold glass and pressing it against her forehead. “But it was worth it. Last night was fabulous. More than I could have imagined. I trusted you and Lucian completely, and you both made me feel…cherished.”
She giggled. The sound made my heart race and distracted me further. “I may not be able to sit much today,” she continued, “but it will be a nice reminder of how incredible it was to have you inside me like that.” She reached out, taking my hand and pulling me to her for a quick kiss. “Aren’t you sweet, bringing me breakfast in bed? That’s a first.”
My brows bounced in surprise. “What, no man has ever done that? What a shame.”
“Well, you know Lucian is the only other man I’ve ever been with, and he’s not the type to do anything the least bit romantic. The few times he stayed the night here, he was up and gone before the crack of dawn. He likes to fuck and move on. No time for cuddles or chitchat.”
I nodded, watching her take another sip of her juice. I wanted to know if she saw her relationship with him any differently now. “Hmm, that surprises me, knowing you’ve had a thing for years. You two seem pretty close to me. More than just fuck buddies.”
“Oh God, don’t call it that… Even though, I guess, bottom line, that’s what we are. Lucian and I are friends and coworkers, and we’re both in a place where we can’t have or don’t want any sort of emotional relationship. From the beginning, we were up front about it and have always respected that boundary. We made sure the other guys at the club understood what was going on so no one would be uncomfortable and we could all acknowledge it out in the open. Lucian and I enjoy each other physically, and that’s it. No dinner dates or meeting up with friends and family outside of the club. He and I see each other the same as any of the other guys at Xyst. It’s never been a big deal.”
I studied her face, trying to gauge her emotions. “So, Lucian’s still not a big deal?”
Angel took a sip of her juice, set the glass on the nightstand, and picked up the bowl of yogurt. After taking a bite, she chewed slowly as she contemplated my words. Then she looked at me and asked, “What I think you really want to know is not how I feel about Lucian…but how I feel about you?”
I hesitated, then nodded. “You’re right. But I don’t want to stress you out. ”
She huffed out a breath. “Just say what’s on your mind.”
“Okay, okay. So, now that you have your past and an entire life’s worth of memories, I’m curious about your thoughts on what’s happened between us these last few weeks. Especially our night together just before you left so abruptly.”
Angel bit her lip. She took another bite of yogurt, then set the bowl down and scooted over to me, draping her legs over my lap. She curled around me, snuggling up to my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her tightly.
“You’re different, Conan,” she said. “You’re the first person in my life that I’ve gotten to know in the light. Before waking up with amnesia, I lived every moment in the dark shadow of my family. I never knew what I was missing because I’d never known life any other way. The last month has irrevocably changed me. For the first time, I’ve tasted what life has to offer.”
She paused, squeezing my hand. “Getting to know you was an unbelievable opportunity, one I’d never even imagined. You’ve been so good to me—better than I deserved, actually. You made me feel alive in ways I never thought possible. It wasn’t just the sex—though God, that was amazing. It was everything about you. Your possessiveness made me feel like I mattered. The way you visited me in the hospital every day, playing your guitar and singing so passionately; your laid-back, easygoing manner that made you so approachable; and your willingness to help and accept me under such bizarre circumstances are all reasons I’ll never forget you. It seemed like there was a world of future possibilities for us to share…until there wasn’t.”
I squeezed her, brushing a kiss over her temple before leaning back and taking a minute to soak in her warmth. “Why do you say all of that as if it’s in the past tense?”
She raised her face until she met my eye, placing her hand on my cheek. A single tear rolled down her face. “Because I have an expiration date. In less than two days, my life will pretty much be over.”
Then she leaned against my chest, her silent tears leaving wet trails.
Wrapping my hand around her head, I dropped my chin to the top of her hair and rocked her back and forth in my arms.
When she began to tremble, I tightened my hold on her. “My Angel…listen to me,” I said, my voice low and raspy. “If it’s the last thing I ever do, I will get you out of here—away from this toxic mafia life, away from that scumbag Frankie, and away from your abusive family. You’re not marrying him. I swear to you, I’ll take you away from all of this.”
She jerked away from my embrace, turning to face me with wide eyes. Sniffing, she wiped her tears away and stared at me. “Conan, you can’t fight this battle for me,” she insisted in desperation. “You can’t take on three mafia family syndicates. I can’t stand the thought of you putting yourself in danger for me. The Volkovs have already caused enough pain in your life and your family’s lives. Besides, how bad can marrying Frankie Moretti be?”
She gripped my shoulders tightly. “Promise me you won’t fight for me.” Her voice cracked. “The time we shared—even though it was short—was the best of my life. I’m grateful for having at least tasted the freedom to love and be loved.”
Tears streamed down her face, and she clung to me. “Please, just make love to me, Conan. Don’t think about anything else. I want to know what it feels like to have an emotional connection, not just a physical one. I want to know what it’s like to have a man make love to me at least once in my life.”
Her words cut through me like a knife. I cupped her face, wiping away her tears with my thumbs. “Angel, I… ”
“Please, Conan,” she begged. “Don’t speak of the future or anything outside of the here and now. Let’s just focus on what we have, because none of us are promised a tomorrow.”
I tugged her to me, my lips finding hers in a desperate kiss. She cupped the back of my head, pulling me closer as if she could meld us together. Her mouth was warm and soft, tasting faintly of strawberry yogurt. My lips found hers. Our breaths mingled, creating an intoxicating mix that made me want to lose myself in her.
I lifted Angel in my arms and pivoted, placing her gently on the bed. Then I leaned over on one knee. Starting at her hips and tracing the curves of her body, I slid my hands up her sides, taking the T-shirt with me. I pulled it off over her head and tossed it to the floor. Then I shoved down the boxer briefs I was wearing and climbed into the bed next to her.
Lovingly I kissed away her tears, trailing my lips down her neck, along her collarbone, then between the swell of her breasts, breathing in her scent. She smelled like vanilla and something uniquely her, something that drove me wild. She arched her back as I kissed and nibbled. While my fingers glided over her skin, I lavished attention on her breasts.
Her hands roamed over my back, tracing the lines of my muscles. She sighed softly and melted into my touch. I wanted to give her everything, to make this moment something she’d never forget.
I brushed kisses down her center and over her mound, finally settling between the apex of her legs. There I took my time, savoring the way she tasted and the way she responded to me. Slowly, I licked and explored her folds as she gripped the back of my head .
“I miss your long hair and being able to twist my fingers in it,” she whined, searching for a way to get the friction she craved. I slipped a hand under her leg and grasped her hip, tugging her closer to me, giving her what she begged for.
Her body shuddered, and she let out a moan. “Oh God, Conan…yes…”
I licked and swirled my tongue over her clit, diving a finger into her wet channel. “God, you’re so wet and tight, my Angel,” I praised, increasing the speed of my finger and the flicking of my tongue against her clit in a coordinated rhythm. Under my ministrations, she writhed and moaned, spurring me on.
Her breathing became erratic, and she started bucking her hips against my mouth. Needing to give her more friction to reach climax, I sucked her clit into my mouth, flicking my tongue quickly and more firmly. At the same time I curled my finger within her, brushing over her sensitive spot. She cried out, her body tensing as she tumbled over the edge. Her inner muscles clenched around my finger while she exploded.
I loved the way she came all over my face, the way her body trembled with pleasure. Satisfied, I continued my strokes, prolonging her orgasm until she was spent and her body collapsed back onto the bed. This was only the beginning of what I wanted to do to her.
I moved up her body, kissing her hip bone, tracing circles over her skin with my tongue, and positioning my hips between her legs. Her chest heaved with each breath she took, and her eyes were glazed with satisfaction. My lips traveled along her ribs, between her breasts, and up her throat before capturing her mouth in a passionate, loving kiss. It wasn’t hard or demanding; I wanted her to feel loved and cherished. I savored the thought that she could taste herself on my lips. Playfully, I bit her lower lip and sucked it into my mouth. Her breath hitched, and I smiled against her skin.
“I love making you feel this way,” I whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “You’re so beautiful.”
I kissed her deeply. This was more than just physical. This was something that made me want to protect her, cherish her, and never let her go.
Sliding my arms up under hers, I cradled her head in my hands, tangling my fingers in her luscious brown locks. This time, I would be careful and tender with her—it was all about her pleasure. The head of my cock pressed against her entrance, and I gradually slid inside her, inch by tantalizing inch. My kiss turned more fervent, and I groaned. “Your tight heat feels so good wrapped around my cock.”
Pausing for a moment, I allowed just enough of my weight to rest on her body to make her feel surrounded and protected without discomfort. Then I began to rock my hips, pumping in and out of her in a slow, sensual rhythm. She tried to moan, but I refused to let go of her mouth, swallowing all her delectable sounds as my hands pulled her close to me in a claiming embrace.
We moved together, lost in the moment, lost in each other. Every touch, every kiss, was filled with a passion that went beyond words. I sensed her need for this connection, and I gave everything I had.
When my climax surfaced, I held back, knowing she needed more time and more contact from me to reach her peak. I refused to come until she did, so I adjusted my hips until my pubic bone was rubbing against her clit, then increased my pace.
I kissed her, and feelings I’d never allowed myself to acknowledge before welled up. My heart was so full it was breaking. Struggling to keep my composure, I rocked my hips deliberately, rubbing against her nub as she built toward another orgasm. Our breathing grew erratic. I trailed kisses along her cheek and behind her ear, finally burying my face in her neck.
A flood of raw, unrestrained love and vulnerability surged through me and suddenly, emotions that I had never been brave enough to face before bombarded me. I refused to pull back, desperately trying to hide the tears I didn’t dare let her see. “Let go and come,” I whispered against her skin. “I want to feel your muscles squeeze my cock and milk the cum from me.” She was close but still held back. “On three,” I growled. “One…two…three.”
Like a good girl, she did exactly what she was told. Her knees pulled up, her thighs tightened, and she came hard, screaming my name and begging that I come too. My balls pulled tight, and I exploded inside her. Our bodies convulsed together, riding out the waves of our climax, and then I collapsed on top of her, my face still buried in her neck. I was so choked up I could barely breathe.
“I’ll never share you again,” I whispered so softly I didn’t know if she heard me.
We lay there together, the world outside forgotten. In that moment, nothing else mattered.