Chapter 20
Alex wandered into the empty café and walked across the floor, still feeling in somewhat of a daze.
He had planned that one day, he was going to take Hannah in his arms and kiss her. One day. That day had sure been a long time coming, ten years, in fact.
And yet, despite all his dreams, she had kissed him first. Then she had spent the day hiding from him and scurried from the room whenever he found her in one. So now she was running for the hills and the tentative closeness that they had built up had dissipated.
Or had it? He knew that everything had changed for them both with that kiss. And that Hannah would never do anything about it, despite whatever connection lay between them. There was no way that she was interested in him that way.
He would just have to continue being happy to be her friend. His heart lurched. He wanted to be so much more to her than friends.
He grabbed an alcohol-free beer from one of the delivery boxes, making a note to replace it later. Then he went to stand by the open doors, looking out across the lake.
The sky was incredible, hues of blue streaked across the sky in every shade. And yet he couldn’t see anything other than Hannah flinging her arms around him and lifting her head to kiss him.
Despite the future looking less than rosy, he couldn’t help but smile to himself when he thought about their kiss.
‘Are you going to stand there all day with a goofy grin on your face or are you going to offer me a beer as well?’
Alex spun around to find Jake sitting on the furthest corner of the balcony.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘Still waiting for that beer, apparently,’ drawled Jake, nodding at the bottle.
Alex handed his friend his unopened drink before going inside to grab himself another from the box. Normally he would have been happy to see Jake but his mind was still preoccupied with Hannah.
He sat down at the table with Jake and they both raised a bottle at each other before silently taking a sip. The cold beer slid down his throat but it did nothing to settle his racing thoughts.
‘I’d like to ask if it was a bad day at the office but considering the view I don’t see how that’s possible,’ began Jake.
‘I mean, I’m stuck in a kitchen with no windows day in, day out and here you are with all this.
’ His hand waved across the magnificent view as he paused before speaking again. ‘So what’s happened with Hannah?’
Alex gave a start. ‘What do you mean?’ he spluttered, almost dropping his bottle.
Jake raised an eyebrow at his friend. ‘You really want to play this game? With me of all people? Me who knows you better than anyone?’
Alex looked at him nervously.
‘Me, who’s known you for far too many years,’ carried on Jake. ‘And for every single one of those years you’ve had a crush on Ben’s little sister.’
Alex drew in a breath but didn’t reply. Jake had teased him once about not asking Hannah to dance at the Dragonfly Dance earlier in the year but he hadn’t realised that he had been so obvious in his feelings. Which made him question how much Hannah knew about them as well.
Jake raised an eyebrow at his friend. ‘I’ve respected your feelings for a long time, you know, but we’re all over thirty now and time’s marching on. Mate, you’ve been mooning over her since we finished uni.’
‘Does he know?’ asked Alex, before taking a small sip of beer.
‘Ben?’ Jake thought for a moment and then shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. And why would it matter?’
‘Because he’s very protective of her.’
Jake nodded. ‘And rightly so. She’s sweet and lovely and if you were ever to hurt her, I’m not sure which one of us would drown you in the lake first.’
‘I would never hurt her,’ protested Alex. ‘I couldn’t.’
‘I know.’ Jake threw him a look. ‘So what happened last night that you can’t tell anyone but me?’
‘She kissed me,’ Alex told him, feeling the smile play on his lips at even admitting to such a thing.
‘Well, go and kiss her back, you fool,’ Jake told him, with a grin.
Alex’s good mood faded abruptly. ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘She was drunk and she’s been avoiding me all day. I know she regrets it.’
‘And what about you?’ asked Jake. ‘Any regrets?’
Alex hesitated.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Jake.
Alex shrugged. ‘I guess it’s a trust thing. For both of us.’
‘Of course you can trust Hannah,’ said Jake, frowning. ‘She’s not Claire!’
Alex took an intake of breath. ‘I know,’ he said, trying to convince himself. He had tried to convince himself that Hannah wouldn’t take advantage of him. She wasn’t Claire. She could be trusted, couldn’t she? But the kiss had been so out of character.
‘You know, I never told you,’ began Jake.
‘What?’ asked Alex, filled with dread.
‘Claire tried it on with me once.’
Alex wanted to be shocked but instead he found himself sighing and saying, ‘I’m not surprised.’
‘Well, I was!’ said Jake. ‘Nearly had heart failure.’ He shook his head. ‘What a dreadful woman.’
Alex nodded.
‘Whereas Hannah is the complete opposite,’ Jake reminded him.
‘Which is why I’m pretty certain that she regrets her actions last night.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked Jake.
Alex shrugged his shoulders. ‘I reckon so. You know how shy she is.’
‘It’s a trust thing for her too,’ said Jake. ‘She was always shy in those early days when we met her, don’t you remember?’
Alex nodded, thinking back to the young woman that he had first seen and fallen for.
‘Ben told me that she seemed to come out of her shell a little once she met the girls and they all lived in that house in London,’ said Alex.
‘But then she met the idiot…’ Jake’s voice trailed off as he scowled to himself.
‘She would never tell me anything about Sean,’ said Alex.
Jake nodded thoughtfully. ‘Of course, you weren’t here the weekend she came back after they’d broken up. You had a competition.’
When didn’t I? thought Alex. But his mind was preoccupied with Hannah. ‘What did she say?’
‘Not much,’ said Jake. ‘Even to the family. She just suddenly appeared out of the blue with all of her possessions. But she was pretty wretched. I hugged her on the Sunday before I left and she was trembling. I think she was frightened.’
Alex took a deep breath. ‘Of him? Sean? Do you think he hurt her?’
‘Physically?’ Jake’s eyes flared with anger. ‘I don’t know. I hope not for his sake if I ever get hold of him.’ He leant back in his seat. ‘Mentally? Without a doubt, unfortunately.’
It had confirmed all of Alex’s suspicions as to why Hannah had no confidence.
‘Look,’ carried on Jake, his tone a little softer. ‘If you like her, why don’t you just talk to her?’
Alex shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t know, mate. I’m probably not even her type. Nice guys finish last, don’t they?’
‘No,’ replied Jake. ‘They’re just nice guys whom you want people you care about to be with. Not complete idiots or playboys like me.’
Alex dragged his hand through his hair. ‘OK. Say you’re right and I’m still not convinced. I don’t even know what to say to her to get her to open up.’
‘You’ll work it out. It’s a trust thing. But I reckon you know about bullying more than most.’
Alex grimaced. ‘You’re talking about Dad?’
Jake nodded. ‘Love is complicated. Which is why I never get involved with anyone.’
It was true. Jake’s love life was a revolving door of new girlfriends, none of whom he let get close to him.
‘What about us here?’ asked Alex.
Jake laughed. ‘I’m just here for the free beer,’ he said, holding up his bottle.
Alex knew it wasn’t true. That Jake’s scars from his parents’ bitter divorce ran deep.
‘So what are you going to do about that kiss?’ asked Jake.
‘Absolutely nothing,’ said Alex.
Jake sighed and shook his head. ‘On the plus side, at least it’ll stop me from having to act all big brotherly on her behalf.’
Alex looked out across the lake and tried not to think about Hannah’s soft lips pressing against his.
He knew she had been drunk and would sincerely regret it.
But, he had to admit, he had thought about pretty much nothing else since.
His crush was alive and real once more. Or perhaps he had just buried it for so long, tried desperately to ignore his feelings for her.
But the kiss had shattered everything and he had no idea what happened next.