Chapter 52
After the triathlon, Hannah had been thrilled to be properly introduced to Alex’s parents. It felt like another piece in their relationship and she was so pleased that he was getting along with his dad, knowing how much of a family man he was.
All in all, everything was perfect. Apart from one awful thing.
Hannah had received another text from Sean using a different number again.
It had arrived just as she had been falling asleep the previous night and suddenly the old feelings of inadequacy appeared and she had lain awake all night terrified.
What if she mucked everything up? What if she couldn’t do this and upset Alex just like she used to upset Sean?
What if it all went wrong and she lost him?
The following morning, she could feel herself beginning to hold Alex at arm’s length, the old fears rushing in from out of nowhere.
It was no good. Maybe Sean would be the first and only one ever to put up with her.
Nobody else would. Perhaps Alex would grow bored of her.
What did he even see in her anyway? He was special and gifted and bright and she was none of those things.
She was so on edge that she couldn’t even concentrate on her baking the following morning.
Alex came rushing down the stairs at the sound of the smoke alarm. Hannah stared down at the burnt scones that she had just taken out of the oven whilst he switched off the alarm.
Having opened the doors to let out the acrid smell, Alex walked back across the floor to stand in front of her.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘What’s going on?’
She took off her oven mitts. ‘Nothing,’ she told him quickly.
‘Honey, you’re so tense you can’t even bake,’ he said.
She gulped. She hated that she couldn’t talk to him. Hated to keep secrets from him.
‘Are you stressed?’ he asked.
She nodded, unable to speak.
‘What about?’ he asked.
She shook her head as he drew her close, not daring herself to speak. How could she even begin to tell him everything?
‘Right. Well, for a start, what can we do to make things better?’ He looked down at her. ‘What do you normally do when you’re stressed?’
She couldn’t stop herself from smiling at the irony. ‘I bake.’
‘Oh.’
He drew her back into a hug and she leant against him. He was so good. So reliable. She willed herself to find the strength to tell him what was going on.
He stepped back to look down at her. ‘You can always trust me,’ he told her.
She nodded. ‘I know.’
‘I love you.’
She stared up at him in wonder. It had been the words she had been longing to hear for so very long. And she felt bolted to the floor in stiff agony. She couldn’t think about any of it, about love, about any kind of future with Alex. Not until she had dealt with the issue of Sean.
Suddenly aware of the long silence, she realised that she had to say something.
‘Thank you,’ she finally blurted out.
It was all she could think of to say and he raised his eyebrows at her in surprise. ‘OK,’ he said slowly.
At that moment, the door opened and they both stepped backwards.
She looked at Alex in despair. She could feel him beginning to pull away from her emotionally. After all, he had his own heart to protect.
Wanting to talk to him more, she glanced over to see who had come into the café and whether she could turn them away.
To her shock, Sean was standing in the doorway.
‘Hey, babe, I thought you would be in here,’ he said, in a pleasant tone.
His eyes flickered over Alex as he stepped away from Hannah, looking at her with hurt in his eyes.
Hannah stared in amazement at Sean. It had been ten years since she had last seen him but her stomach suddenly knotted in tension just like it had done whenever she was around him all that time ago.
She didn’t know what to do, but in the end, she blurted out, ‘Sean, this is my, er, friend, Alex.’
‘Hi,’ said Sean, all smiles and charm as he came over to shake Alex’s hand.
Alex scowled down at him and took Sean’s hand in his, giving it such a firm grip that she saw Sean wince.
‘Well, this is quite a place,’ said Sean. ‘Are you going to give me the tour as I’ve heard so much about it?’
Despite registering how easy it was for him to lie, Hannah still couldn’t quite believe that Sean was here after all these years.
She drew a deep breath, making a swift decision.
She didn’t want Sean to know about Alex.
She didn’t want him anywhere near Alex. He was too good for Sean.
It was too precious a relationship for Sean to ruin with his toxicity.
Above all, she wanted to protect Alex, so she said, ‘I’ll see you later. OK?’ to him, in a dismissive tone. Then she turned to Sean and added, ‘Come and see the view outside.’
But as she walked out of the boathouse, she couldn’t stop herself from checking on Alex over her shoulder.
His face registered the shock that she was walking away from him.
His eyes were full of hurt and she almost ran to him to reassure him that it would all be OK. That she still cared deeply for him.
But she had to deal with Sean first. She just hoped she didn’t lose Alex in the meantime.