CHAPTER SEVEN
It was Monday morning and I had an early start. I wanted to get to the supermarket to stock up on ingredients for the dishes destined for the Rosie’s Spice Kitchen stall at the farmers’ market on Wednesday.
I kept telling myself there was no reason to worry about Clare’s sudden appearance in the café. But unfortunately, my churning stomach didn’t seem to have received the memo...
When was her brother’s wedding?
Was it soon or had Clare and her mum just been here for the day to help out with preparations? Clare might still be around and the last thing I needed was to bump into her and have to explain why I left Brighton so suddenly. It would be so awkward.
I gave my head a little shake as if to dislodge the annoying thoughts.
Although I was keen to get to the supermarket early, there was something very important I wanted to do after I dropped Amelie at nursery and went shopping.
Amelie was loving being at nursery school and talked all the time about the two little friends she’d made, Zoe and Dora.
This morning, she ran into the building without even a backward glance at me.
I’d booked her into the school’s breakfast club a couple of days a week and she loved it.
She kept asking if she could have breakfast with her friends every day!
Smiling as I watched her go in, I was filled with mixed emotions.
On the one hand, the fact that my daughter seemed happy and confident in this new environment was such a relief to me.
But on the other hand, I could see that she was needing me less and less as she blossomed into a little person in her own right, and that pulled at my heart a little, making me feel sentimental for the precious early days when it was just Amelie and me against the world.
She was now getting to know lots of new people who I hadn’t even met.
It made me feel glad but a little teary all at once.
Back in the van, I glanced at my tired, puffy eyes in the mirror.
I couldn’t afford to let exhaustion get in the way of everything I wanted to get done today.
The past might have elbowed its way back into my life, giving me a series of restless nights, but I had to try and concentrate on our future.
I took a deep breath, started the engine and motored the five or so miles to Sunnybrook. It was soon after eight-thirty as I parked in a convenient space on the high street there, got out and walked into the gift shop.
I knew what I was looking for and thankfully, there was a range of styles and colours.
Choosing one with a pink cover, decorated with lilac butterflies, I paid for it and went back out to the van.
Then I drove out into the countryside beyond Sunnybrook, arriving at lovely old Bogg House ten minutes later.
Ellie and Zak had bought the run-down, Victorian house just after Christmas and had spent the past six months bringing it back to life beautifully. They’d preserved a lot of the building’s character so it was now a wonderful blend of traditional features and ultra-modern comforts.
Parking up by the front gate, I glanced at my watch.
It was still quite early but I knew from experience that parents with children quickly forgot what a ‘lie-in’ actually was! I was pretty sure Ellie and Zak would have been up and about with baby Isla for a few hours already. And of course Maisie would be getting ready to go to school.
Zak’s car wasn’t there, I noticed, but Ellie’s was. I remembered her telling me that Zak sometimes used the nearest library to work when he had a deadline looming. He found the change of scene helpful when he was up against it. So maybe that’s where he was?
I rang the bell but no one answered.
Peering in through the glass in the door, I eventually saw Maisie running downstairs.
‘Hi!’ I beamed at her as she opened the door. ‘I was hoping I might catch you before you went off to school.’
‘It’s sports day today at school but Mum forgot to wash my PE kit so it’s in the tumble dryer.’
‘Oh, dear.’ I smiled, remembering similar incidents in our house. It was hard enough making sure Amelie had everything she needed on time. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage it with a new baby to look after as well!
‘What’s that?’ Maisie pointed at the gift shop bag.
‘Ah, well. This is for you.’
‘For me?’
‘Yes. After our little chat the other day, I realised you might find one of these useful.’ I drew it out of the bag and presented it to her.
‘A diary?’ She looked at it, wide-eyed. ‘Thank you, Rosie.’ She trailed her fingers over the cover. ‘I really like the butterflies on it.’
‘I was hoping you might.’ I searched in my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper I’d been keeping safe. ‘I found this on the floor of the café the other day and I thought it might be yours?’
She looked at it and made an embarrassed face. ‘I was starting to write my feelings down like you said but I must have dropped it on the floor.’
I nodded. ‘That’s what I thought. There’s a phone number on the back so I thought it might be important.’
She smiled sheepishly. ‘It’s the number of a boy in my class. He’s called Reuben.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘Rosie? Can I ask you something?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘What’s it like when you’re in love?’
‘Oh.’ I glanced at her, feeling quite thrown by her question. Ask me an easier one! ‘Do you mean how do you know if you like someone?’
‘Yes. Do you feel all sort of fuzzy and jumpy inside when he’s around? Like when you’re about to get a spelling test and you really want to do well because you’ve been practising monumentally hard?’
I smiled. ‘Well, I haven’t taken a spelling test for quite a while, but I know what you mean.
You have that feeling inside that makes you feel happy but weirdly nervous all at the same time.
When I had a crush... er, liked a boy at school I could never eat my lunch if he was sitting anywhere near me in the dining hall because I felt so jumpy inside. ’
‘Yes!’ She turned to me, her eyes shining. ‘That’s how I feel.’
‘Is this anything to do with Reuben by any chance? The phone number?’
She nodded. ‘I haven’t texted him yet. I’m trying to get braver first.’
‘Of course.’
‘I thought I might ask him if he wants to go and see a film with me. But I keep thinking he might just laugh.’
‘Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t.’
‘You think I should ask him?’ Two lines appeared above her nose as she studied me intently.
‘Well... why not? If he has any sense at all, he’ll say yes.’
‘I’m scared, though.’
I nodded. ‘I know the feeling. But there’s an old saying that goes “ faint heart never won fair lady” . Do you know what that means?’
She frowned, thinking. ‘Does it mean you should be careful when you ask someone out because you might faint?’
I suppressed a smile. ‘Well, the “faint” in this instance doesn’t mean actually fainting. It means lacking in courage?’
‘Oh, right.’ Her face lit up. ‘That’s sick. So it means you have to be brave if you want to get a boyfriend?’
‘Exactly.’
‘Which is what I’m going to try to do.’ She nodded firmly, as if trying to convince herself. ‘Be brave.’
‘Do you think he likes you?’ I asked. ‘He’d be crazy if he didn’t.’
She gave a doubtful shrug. ‘He said he likes dancing with me, so maybe he does.’
‘You’ve danced together?’
‘In rehearsals for the end-of-term school show. The music teacher Mrs Proctor matched us together.’
‘Oh, that’s great. So you’re taking part in a school production?’
‘We just have to be dancing at a ball with lots of the other kids my age. The older ones are doing the acting and speaking bits.’
‘Sounds like fun.’
She nodded eagerly. ‘We’ve been learning how to do the quadrille and some other funny dances from a long time ago, where you have to twirl round and sometimes change partners. We keep getting it wrong and bumping into each other and everybody laughs, even Mrs Proctor.’
‘Sounds like good fun. So can anyone come and see you in your show?’
‘We get given three tickets so we can invite our family.’
‘I bet your mum and dad are really looking forward to seeing you in action.’
She looked down. ‘I don’t know.’
I frowned. ‘But of course they will be. I’d be so proud to watch Amelie perform in a show at school. When she’s older, of course. And your parents will feel exactly the same.’
Maisie shrugged. ‘I told Mum about it and I told her I’d need a long dress for the ball. But I think she’s forgotten about it. Dad has a horrible deadline with his book so he’s always monumentally stressed out. And Mum’s always busy with Isla.’
‘Good word “monumentally”,’ I murmured thoughtfully.
‘Dad says it all the time.’ She sighed. ‘He calls people he doesn’t like monumental idiots.’
‘Right,’ I chuckled.
‘Anyway, he can’t do sewing. Obviously .
He’s a man. And I don’t even know if Mum can make me a costume in time.
’ She gave a helpless shrug. ‘If I buy one from a charity shop like my friend’s mum did for her it would probably be way too long so I’d have to sew up the hem.
But I’m not very good at sewing.’ She gave an exasperated shrug.
‘Reuben will look really sick in his outfit but I’ll look like a crazy old witch! ’
‘Well, I doubt that very much. You looking like a witch, I mean.’ I smiled in sympathy, recalling how it felt to be an almost-teen.
.. the drama and the strong emotions – up one day and down the next – and the awful fear that you might not fit in.
‘I’m sure your mum hasn’t forgotten you need a dress, although you could give her a little reminder?
She’s got so much to think about at the moment.
But I’m sure it’ll be fine. And if you do get a dress from the charity shop that needs altering, I could always help.
I used to do a lot of sewing with my mum when I was younger. So don’t worry about it, okay?’
Maisie nodded but she didn’t look convinced.
I glanced behind her. ‘Is your mum around? Or is she busy?’
‘Isla is asleep so she’s lying down in her bedroom.’
‘Very sensible. Look, I could take you to school if that would help?’
But at that moment, Ellie appeared at the top of the stairs, wrapped in her dressing-gown.
‘Rosie! Hi. I was just getting dressed.’
‘Rosie brought me a diary.’ Maisie held it up so her mum could see it. ‘It has a key.’
‘Oh. Fantastic!’ Ellie came down. ‘That’s such a lovely thing to do.’
I smiled at her. ‘Well, we were talking the other day and I was telling Maisie how I used to keep a diary when I was her age, and she said she might like to do the same.’ I shrugged, hoping Ellie didn’t think I was butting in where I wasn’t wanted.
‘They had a sale on in the gift shop so I thought I might as well take advantage of it...’
‘Well, thank you. That’s so kind of you.’
‘Writing all my private thoughts down when I was young really helped me, especially when I was head over heels for a boy at school!’
Maisie shot me a nervous look and I realised she was worried I might embarrass her by mentioning her crush on Reuben.
‘Of course,’ I added quickly, ‘that’s exactly how my feelings stayed when I wrote about them in the diary. Completely private. Hence the lock and key.’ I gave Maisie a subtle wink and her face relaxed into a smile.
*****
Driving back through Sunnybrook, I decided to make a brief stop at the café to check when Maddy wanted me in for my next two shifts.
She’d been really good, giving me hours that fitted well with me ferrying Amelie to and from nursery.
I jumped out of the van and stuck my head round the door. ‘Hi. I was just wondering what my shifts would be for next week?’ I asked cheerfully.
‘Oh. Hang on a sec.’ Maddy dashed into the kitchen, presumably to look at the rota.
When she reappeared with my hours, I quickly added them into the diary on my phone. ‘That’s great! Thanks, Maddy. I’ll see you then.’
‘Good stuff. Oh, Rosie?’
I turned and she was hurrying towards me, holding out a white envelope. ‘I almost forgot. This arrived for you.’
Taking the letter, I turned it over curiously.
Rosie Tremaine. Care of the Little Duck Pond Café.
It didn’t have a stamp and it didn’t look like an official letter.
‘It was here when I arrived this morning,’ explained Maddy.
‘Right.’ I smiled. ‘Well, thanks. I’d better get going.’
Back in the van, I tore open the envelope.
Inside was a single sheet of paper, folded.
Opening it up, I read the five words that were printed in capitals in the dead centre of the page, and my blood ran cold.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.