CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The Maisie Diaries
Okay, I did it. I actually did it.
And now I just want to crawl into the smallest space possible, like a hamster cage for example, and hide there for the rest of my long, boring bloody life! (I might consider coming out for tickets to an Olivia Rodriguez gig – but that’s about it.)
I actually can’t believe what happened.
I’d been plucking up my courage all day, supported by Amy even though she said I’m ‘far too good for a knob-head like Reuben.’
Felt so sick, couldn’t eat lunch – even though it was my fave vanilla flapjack for pudding – and I could tell that Fergie knew something was up because when he joined us at the lunch table he kept asking me daft questions like ‘are you in love or something?’ Amy told him I was going to ask Reuben out and the look I got from Fergie – honestly, you’d think I’d agreed to go on a date with the devil or something!
After school at rehearsals, I could feel my cheeks burning with nervous excitement and Reuben kept giving me these funny sideways looks.
Eventually, he came right out and asked me why my face looked like an explosion in a beetroot factory.
Well, I couldn’t tell him the real reason I was blushing so much (him!) so I told him I’d been trying out a new face pack the night before and I’d fallen asleep wearing it and was three hours too late washing it off.
He laughed so much I thought he might actually be in danger of having an accident in his pants!!!
He laughed a bit too long, really, and it made me feel awkward when he started telling all his mates in earshot about it.
But I liked him laughing. I liked that he thought I was funny because that’s a good basis for any long-term relationship, apparently.
(I read that in one of Mum’s grown-up books about sex and relationships.
‘Lovers who laugh together stay together,’ it said, although I think I might be getting a bit ahead of myself here.
In fact, I definitely am, going by why happened next!)
I was worried Reuben might laugh even louder when I asked him THE BIG QUESTION and showed him the cinema tickets on my phone.
So I was amazed when he looked really interested.
‘Two tickets?’ he said. ‘Sounds great.’
His reaction was good so I told him the movie, which was an action one full of people being killed, which I know is what boys prefer.
‘Sick,’ he said, sticking up a thumb. ‘Just send me the email, will you?’
‘Oh.’ I looked at him, wondering why he needed it.
Because obvs I’d have my phone with me when we went.
But then I thought maybe it was a boy thing – like he wanted to be in charge of the date or something.
I didn’t really agree with that, but I was desperate to go on my first proper date, so I sent him the email with the tickets attached.
(Mum’s relationship book says ‘compromise’ is also important.)
So then he said, ‘Well, thanks very much, Maisie. Have you seen the film yourself?’
‘Er, no. Obvs,’ I said, looking at him strangely. I mean, why would I?
‘Right, well, I’ll let you know what it’s like, then,’ he said, and he wandered off, leaving me standing there staring after him like a douche and feeling like someone with a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock!
(I heard that on my fave Australian soap and I wrote it down because it made me laugh.)
I couldn’t believe it.
I walked home thinking about what I’d said to him. I obvs didn’t make it clear that one of the cinema tickets was for me and I was asking him out on a date!!! But how could he not have known that’s what I meant?
It would have been way too embarrassing to start explaining I was asking him on a date, so I’d just said nothing and tried to look not bothered, as if it was what I’d meant all along. (Like I’m such a kind person, I go around buying RANDOM CINEMA TICKETS for people!)
When I told Fergie about it, I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh.
So I threatened to punch his lights out if he said ONE SINGLE WORD MORE on the subject.
He sort of snorted into his fist and said he had only one more thing to say and it was about Reuben.
So of course I wanted to know what it was.
‘The guy’s a complete tosser.’
‘You already said that, thanks,’ I replied crossly.
To which Fergie said, ‘I know. And I’ll keep saying it until you realise I’m right.
’ He shrugged as if he wasn’t bothered but he was quite pink in the face and definitely not his usual joke-a-minute self.
He walked away then he turned back and shouted, ‘His face is fine. It’s his personality that’s the problem. ’
I was beginning to think Fergie might have a point but I wasn’t about to admit that.
‘You’re just jealous,’ I shouted back.
‘Jealous? Me? You’ve got to be joking.’ (I noticed he went even redder.) He grinned and walked right back to me.
‘That tosser has an ego the size of Birmingham. You do realise he probably makes lurve to himself in the mirror every night?’ He said this in a funny sleezy voice, while doing some embarrassing but hilarious thrust actions to show me what he meant.
I laughed so much I thought maybe it was me who was in danger of having an accident in my pants.
But on the way home, I just felt sad.
It’s horrible being rejected. But I think I’ll live, as Granny Rose is always saying.