CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
As we were all leaving the Swan Hotel, Danny offered me a lift back to Risley Common.
‘You’re a badminton player, then?’ I said, noticing the racquet and tube of shuttlecocks in the back seat of his car as I got into the passenger seat.
The conversation was flowing nicely. I’d thought it might be awkward after all this time but to my huge relief, we were managing to chat and laugh about sharing the house in Brighton, subtly skirting around other much trickier subjects.
‘Yes. I’ve joined a club where I’m working now. In Worthing. Although I still live in Brighton.’
Something snagged at my memory as we drove along. ‘Didn’t you used to play badminton with Clare when we lived in Rustic Place?’
‘Yeah, we joined the university badminton club and I went along for the first few weeks of term.’
‘You dropped out for some reason, although Clare kept going all through her time at uni.’
Danny gave a sheepish grin. ‘You invited me to try ten-pin bowling with you and it clashed with the badminton club night.’
‘Oh, yes. I remember now. Those were great nights. On to the pub afterwards. Jackie started joining us eventually.’
‘She did. We went practically every week during that first term. I beat you both every time, of course,’ he added, tongue in cheek.
I chuckled. ‘No, you didn’t. I seem to remember I was pretty good at it myself.’ I smiled, shaking my head. ‘I’d completely forgotten about our ten-pin bowling nights.’
‘It’s funny the things you remember.’
‘We used to go on the same night every week.’
He nodded. ‘Wednesdays. It was Wednesdays.’
I turned to him. ‘How on earth do you remember that ?’
He gave a sheepish shrug. ‘I was such a saddo back then, those nights were probably the highlight of my week.’
I laughed. ‘Well, that’s rubbish for a start, Danny! You were the most sociable of all of us. Honestly, I got quite used to walking into the kitchen in the morning and finding your latest glam girlfriend drifting around in one of your T-shirts and a pair of knickers making herself coffee.’
He chuckled. ‘You make it sound as if it was a regular occurrence.’
‘Well, wasn’t it?’
‘Certainly not. And by the way, I take offence at that stain on my character.’
We exchanged a grin and Danny added, ‘And here I was thinking it was only me with the great memory for the things we did back then.’
I snorted. ‘Well, there are some things in life you can never forget.’
I said it in jest. But instantly, I wished I hadn’t.
A loaded silence descended.
I knew what Danny was thinking because images of that day were filling my mind, too. The day of Mark’s funeral. They were memories I’d fought unsuccessfully to forget...
Swiftly, I changed the subject. ‘So my house is a couple of streets back from the village green in Risley Common. But I’ll direct you when we get there.’
He nodded and when I looked over, he was staring straight ahead, frowning slightly.
An awkward atmosphere had sprung up between us. I couldn’t wait to reach the house and get out of the car.
And say goodbye.
*****
When Danny pulled up outside the house, I was planning to make my escape as fast as I could. But to my alarm, he cut the engine and got out of the car with me.
‘Nice village,’ he said, stretching and looking around him.
‘Yes. I... love it here.’ Was he expecting me to invite him in? This was so awkward.
I searched my mind for something to say and came up with, ‘So do you play badminton regularly?’
He nodded and came round to the passenger side. ‘Usually every week. Wednesdays, funnily enough.’ He leaned back against the car, folded his arms and studied me with a smile, looking far more relaxed than I was feeling inside right at that moment.
Something occurred to me. When Danny stopped going to the badminton club with Clare, had she felt it was my fault that he’d decided to go ten-pin bowling with me instead?
It seemed so petty. But if she’d liked Danny a lot back then, she might have been jealous that he seemed to prefer my company. ..
Could she have carried that resentment ever since? Getting revenge on me now that she’d tracked me down to Surrey?
But I dismissed this as ridiculous. No one would hold a grudge that long. Even Clare...
‘Did you... was there ever anything between you and Clare?’ I asked Danny now. ‘In a romantic sense, I mean.’
I was expecting him to say no, but he gave a sheepish smile. ‘We had a drunken kiss once.’
‘Did you?’ I stared at him, astonished.
‘It was never going to be a thing. We were friends and it was a mistake.’ He shrugged. ‘At least, that’s the way I saw it.’
‘So next day did you just carry on as if nothing had happened? Because Clare never told us.’
He nodded. ‘I think we were both a bit embarrassed. So we avoided each other for a day or two, then we slipped back into teasing each other like we always did, and everything went back to normal.’
‘Well, well.’ I stared at him, still reeling at this piece of information.
He looked down. ‘I couldn’t help it if I liked someone else.’
I swallowed nervously.
‘It was always you,’ he said lightly, looking back up at me.
Panic fluttered in my chest. ‘Danny, please don’t say that.’
‘It’s true.’ He shrugged helplessly.
His eyes – always so expressive – were full of sadness now, and I couldn’t seem to pull my gaze away from his.
It was always Mark for me. Always. Right from the day we first met.
But Danny was such a lovely guy with the biggest heart and a girl could totally lose herself in those mesmerising green eyes of his.
If things had been different... if Mark had never split with Elsa... might Danny and I have got together?
He took a step towards me and I felt the warmth of his fingers grazing my bare arm.
His touch sent a little shock through me, pulling me out of my daze. I held up my hands. ‘No, Danny. We promised we wouldn’t go there again.’
Still, our eyes lingered on one another.
Then he looked away. ‘Of course,’ he murmured. ‘Sorry.’
Now I felt terrible. ‘Danny, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about. It’s just... well, it’s just the way it is.’
‘Yes.’ He gave me a slow smile full of warmth. ‘It’s been great seeing you, though, Rosie.’
‘I know,’ I said, smiling back, feeling myself starting to weaken.
Was I really just going to wave goodbye now? I might never see Danny again...
The ring of my mobile brought me firmly back to reality.
Ellie’s name had flashed up. Puzzled, I apologised to Danny and took the call. ‘Ellie? Are you all right?’
All I could hear at the other end was a baby screaming. It must be Isla.
‘Ellie?’ I could hear voices in the background. ‘Ellie, where are you?’
‘I don’t know,’ she gasped into the phone.
‘You don’t know ?’ Now I was really worried. ‘Ellie, I’m coming to get you. Just look around and tell me where you are right now.’
‘Sunnybrook. On a bench. I... wanted to go shopping and take Isla with me for the first time. But I can’t do it, Rosie.
All these people. I think I’m going mad.
And whatever I do, Isla just never stops crying.
And I can’t tell Zak how it is because he’d never understand.
Not after all we’ve been through. We were trying so long to have her but now I’m failing her every single day and she deserves so much more than me.
’ She broke down in floods of tears then and I knew I had to get to her.
‘Stay right where you are, Ellie. I’m on my way.’
*****
I said a quick goodbye to Danny, and we promised we’d be in touch. Then I dived into the house, needing a quick trip to the bathroom before driving over to Ellie.
I didn’t notice it on the way in, but as I was leaving a minute later, I saw the letter lying on the mat. Quickly stuffing it into my pocket, I dashed out, all my focus now on hurrying back to Sunnybrook and Ellie.
Getting behind the wheel, I drove as fast as the speed limit would allow, hoping I’d be able to find her, still sitting on that bench on the high street with little Isla beside her in the pram.
She’d sounded really desperate, and I couldn’t help thinking – dreading – that it might be postnatal depression. It was more common than people thought and I knew all about the horrors, having suffered from a mild form of it myself after Amelie was born.
Was it the same for Ellie?