CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Ellie fell asleep on the sofa to the soothing sound of the washing machine churning in the background, while I listened out for Isla and swept and mopped the kitchen floor.
When she finally woke up almost two hours later, her eyes looked brighter.
‘Gosh, I never usually sleep during the day. I’ve just been lying on the bed or the sofa, knowing I should be resting but worrying too much to nod off.’ She smiled and gave a luxurious stretch. ‘Thank you so much for that.’ She listened. ‘Still asleep?’
‘Still asleep. I’ve just checked on her.’
‘How about a cool drink? It’s a gorgeous day out there. We could go out in the back garden?’
I nodded. ‘Great idea.’
‘Have you got time? Don’t you need to pick up Amelie from nursery?’
‘Nope. She’s gone for tea at a friend’s house and I’m not collecting her till six o’clock.’ I glanced at my watch. ‘So I still have almost an hour.’
‘Great. I’ve got some non-alcohol prosecco in the fridge? It’s actually really nice.’
‘Sounds good.’
I went out into the back garden, where they’d just had a new patio laid, leaving Ellie to get the drinks.
Sitting down at the garden table with its sun umbrella, I sighed happily in the sunshine and surveyed the garden.
It was a great space, although it was clear there was still a lot of work that was needing to be done to clear all the brambles and weeds. ..
Remembering the letter in my pocket, I pulled it out.
Looking at the envelope, my heart gave a thump of dread when I saw my name printed in capital letters – just like the last time.
Swallowing hard, I slit it open and drew out the single sheet of writing paper.
Think you can keep running from the truth? Think again, bitch!
*****
Shocked, I stared at the words as my heart raced at a million miles an hour.
I felt sick.
Someone hated me. Really despised me.
But who?
Ellie emerged with a tray and I tried to smile at her but failed miserably.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, seeing the tears in my eyes. She put the tray on the table and sat down beside me. ‘Are you okay?’
Silently, I passed her the letter.
As she read it, a look of horror spread over her face. ‘What on earth...?’ she breathed. Then she looked up at me questioningly.
‘I deserve it,’ I muttered. ‘I’m as guilty as sin.’
‘No.’ She shook her head, not wanting to believe it. ‘Who’s written this? It’s so horrible.’
‘I don’t know.’ My voice sounded choked. ‘But I guess they’ve somehow discovered my guilty little secret and they’re trying to make me feel bad.’ Tears were flooding down my face now. ‘But they really don’t need to bother because I already hate myself so much anyway.’
Ellie was gazing at me worriedly, clearly not knowing what to say. She took hold of my hand and squeezed it gently to show she was on my side.
‘It might be a horrible letter but I’m a horrible person, Ellie. And it’s high time I faced up to it.’
‘But I know you, Rosie. So I know that’s not true.’ She looked at me in bewilderment. ‘You’re kind and caring and a brilliant mum...’
‘Maybe. But all that’s cancelled out by the shocking thing I did. Oh, Ellie, I’ve no idea who’s onto me but they’ve every right to be angry.’
‘But what did you do?’ she asked softly.
I looked at her through eyes blurry with desperate tears. I’d never told a single soul my dirty secret. I was so, so ashamed.
If I told Ellie, she would be appalled. I would probably lose her friendship because I knew beyond doubt that she would never have behaved in the way I did.
But her eyes were kind. Maybe she’d understand.
Even if she didn’t, I was so exhausted... so bone-weary of holding it all in... pretending it had never happened.
So I drew in a deep breath.
And I told her . . .