CHAPTER FORTY
As I left the school and headed for the van, my heart skipped a beat when I saw that Danny had tried to call me a couple of times. Unable to reach me because my phone was switched off during the performance, he’d then sent me a text.
Leaving first thing tomorrow. Would love to catch up with you before I go. I’ll be in the Swan Hotel bar from six if you can make it? XXX
Dismayed, I glanced at the time. It was already nearly eight o’clock. He wouldn’t have waited this long, surely? But in case by any chance he had, I got in the van and drove as fast as I could without getting arrested, almost screeching to a stop by the village green.
Dashing into the hotel, I made my way to the bar, half-expecting to bump into him coming out.
But when I walked in, there was no sign of Danny – just a few happy-looking couples staring over at the entrance, clearly wondering what on earth the weird, panting, wild-eyed woman was doing standing there.
Slinking out in despair, I phoned Danny to explain why I didn’t make it but it went straight to voicemail.
So I left him a message and got back in the van, wondering if I should just pitch up at the glamping site and try to find him.
But I’d no idea which of the shepherd’s huts he was staying in and I couldn’t very well go round knocking on all the doors, trying to find him.
I also didn’t want to run the risk of bumping into Jackie. ..
So I drove back to Risley Common, sadness weighing me down inside. It was feeling like we weren’t meant to be, Danny and I. There seemed to be far too many obstacles in the way of us being happy, so what was the point in even trying to see if we were a good fit romantically...
I was still hoping he might phone after he’d heard the message I’d left him. But the hours at home ticked by and I heard nothing from him.
Much later, nearer midnight, as I sat staring at the TV but not taking any of it in, a text buzzed through and I almost put my back out diving for my phone on the coffee table.
But it was from Jackie, of all people.
Dreading what she had to say to me, I held my breath as I clicked on her message.
Too late to phone so I’m texting instead.
Told Danny about the anonymous notes I sent you and everything else I did and he was shocked.
Been sitting here in his hut talking for ages about what happened between you that night and I know now that my grief stopped me being able to look at the situation rationally.
If you loved Mark as much as I did (and I know you did) you’d have been feeling desperate.
I still really hate what you did but I understand now that you weren’t yourself that night and I’m really sorry for the horrible things I did.
I hope you can forgive me? I’ve missed you and my gorgeous niece.
I sat back, relief flowing through me.
It had mattered so much to me what Jackie thought. And now that she was saying she forgave me, it was like a weight had suddenly rolled off my shoulders.
*****
Next morning, I woke knowing with certainty that I had to see Danny before he left.
It was as if Jackie’s text the night before had given me the green light to follow where my heart had been leading me for a while.
But I needed to take Amelie to nursery school first. So I called Danny, hoping he hadn’t already left.
Frustratingly, my call went to voicemail again so I had to abandon hopes of speaking to him straight away, and I set about getting Amelie ready. I’d left a message, though, so hopefully when he picked it up, he would call me back...
I dropped Amelie at nursery. But there was still no word from Danny, and I wondered if maybe I was too late. Had he decided that seeing me again would only complicate things? And that ‘friends’ was best, after all?
I drove straight to the glamping site, my heart thumping, hoping against hope that his car would still be in the little car park at the entrance to the site.
But it wasn’t. And as I sat there, wondering what to do, I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, panic rising in my chest.
Had Danny left already?
Had I missed my chance?
Suddenly, there was a peep of a horn and when I swung round, my heart leapt with joy at a familiar sight.
Danny’s silver Golf GTI! He loved that car. And in that moment, so did I!
I got out and ran over to him, and when he emerged, his face was wreathed in a big smile.
‘Hey, you,’ I gasped.
‘Hey, yourself,’ he said, his face breaking into a big smile. ‘This is a surprise.’
‘Is it?’
‘Yes. I thought... well, I thought maybe the school show was a convenient excuse not to see me.’ He shrugged. ‘You said we could only ever be friends.’
I smiled shyly up at him. ‘Maybe I changed my mind?’
He gave me a look I couldn’t quite read... a mix of hope and doubt, maybe?
‘I had to see you, before you left. So... well, here I am.’
He grinned. ‘I can see that.’ But still he hesitated.
I didn’t blame him for wondering if I was for real.
I’d spent a night of passion with him then left Brighton straight afterwards without even talking to him about it.
Then when he’d come to see me here, I’d sent him away with the ‘just friends’ cliché ringing in his ears.
It was no wonder this lovely, funny, amazing guy was still confused about my feelings towards him!
‘You almost missed me. I was on my way home.’ He shrugged. ‘I had a long chat with Jackie last night about everything...’
‘I know. She texted me and she said she forgave me for what happened.’
‘She did?’
I nodded. ‘It was such a relief.’
‘I can imagine.’ He let out a long sigh.
‘When she told me last night about the things she’d done to you in her anger and how you’d confronted her, I was convinced that any hope I might have had that we could be together was completely gone.
I thought Jackie’s condemnation of you – the horrible things she did and said – would just confirm to you that nothing could ever happen between us. ’
I smiled sadly. ‘That’s exactly what I thought. I couldn’t believe how angry she still was over what happened a year ago, but I understood. She and Mark had such a strong bond and seeing you and I together so soon after the funeral must have crucified her.’
‘I know.’ He ran a hand distractedly through his hair.
‘But when she said she kind of understood now, her forgiveness cast a whole different light on everything. And I realised...’
‘You realised what?’ he asked softly.
‘I... well, I realised that if I was ever to move on with my life after Mark, I needed to forgive myself and allow myself to be happy. It was Ellie who said that to me but it still took a while to filter through properly.’
He nodded slowly and I glimpsed hope in his eyes. ‘And how’s the filtering process going?’
‘It’s . . . well, going quite speedily now, actually.’
‘Yes?’
‘Yes. I think all the yukky, messy stuff that’s been holding me back from telling you how great I think you are has just about gone now.’
He smiled. ‘That’s good to hear. Filtration just about finished, then?’
My heart beating fast, I moved closer so that we were almost touching. ‘I’d go further than that, actually,’ I murmured, turning my face up to his.
‘Really?’
I nodded, slipping my hands around his waist. ‘I’d say that as of right now, the filtration process is one hundred per cent complete.’
‘One hundred per cent? That’s a big number.’ I felt him take in a long breath as he pulled me gently against him, and I clung to him, revelling in the feel of his strong arms around me.
We stood there for a long time, just holding one another.
At last, I pulled away gently and smiled up at him. ‘It’s a long time since we kissed.’
‘Far too long,’ he agreed. ‘Maybe we should pick up where we left off?’
‘Hang on. Why did you come back? You said you were on your way home but you came back.’
He smiled. ‘Stupid hope, I suppose. While there was still even the smallest chance for us, I couldn’t just drive away from you. So I did a U-turn – a slightly dangerous one, I might add – and I raced back.’
‘Wow. I feel honoured.’
He chuckled. ‘So you should. If there’d been a police car about, I’d have been nicked on the spot.’
Smiling, we locked eyes.
Then his mouth came down on mine and it felt so right, it was as if my whole body gave a huge sigh of relief.
In the back of my mind, I suppose I’d been worried that it would feel wrong, kissing Danny after all this time.
I’d thought maybe it was just the emotion of the moment that had made me believe I felt something with Danny back then.
.. something with the potential to explode into full-on passion.
But I’d been wrong to worry because the feeling was there.
Breaking apart at last, we smiled into each other’s eyes and he took my hand and led me out of the car park.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked happily. I felt as light as a feather after our kiss – almost as if I was floating through the air!
‘To the café. To see if they’ve got a glamping vacancy for tonight. Then I can take you out for dinner.’
‘Right.’ My heart leapt at the idea of Danny staying a little longer. ‘I’ll need to get a babysitter, though.’
‘Why?’
‘Um, because Amelie’s only four and as yet isn’t able to cook her own dinner?’ I joked in a ‘duh!’ sort of tone.
His eyes crinkled in a smile. ‘When I said I’d take you out to eat, I meant both of you.’ He shrugged. ‘There’s a good Italian restaurant here. Would Amelie find pizza acceptable?’
‘ More than acceptable. In fact, she’ll love you for life!’
We exchanged a knowing smile.
‘Mum and Malcolm are coming back from Spain. They’ve sold the bar,’ I told him as we walked hand-in-hand over to the café.
‘Wow, that’s great. I know how much you were missing them.’
I nodded happily. ‘I’m not telling Amelie yet or she’ll be asking me every day if today’s the day she’ll see them.’
He chuckled. ‘Probably best to tell her the morning they’re due back, then?’
‘Absolutely!’
He squeezed my hand and I felt a delicious rush of happiness.
There was so much I wanted to ask him about what he’d been doing this past year, but for now, I was just glad that my life seemed to be getting back on track.
I’d been stuck for so long – feeling all alone with my guilt and my fears – but with this lovely man by my side, I knew I was right where I needed to be.
Danny had lit a spark in me on that emotional night long ago.
And now we had all the time in the world to explore where it would take us...