Chapter 13 Miller - Shacking up and living in sin
“What about those fancy cookies with the designs on them?” Gus suggests. He’s sitting in a chair next to me in the Rivers main building. The chair is entirely too small for him to actually sit in, so he’s straddling the back.
“I feel like those taste like cardboard sometimes, though,” Margot chimes in from her chair behind the desk Sawyer set up for her.
“Normally, we just do a small ice cream cake…”
Penelope and I stopped at Rivers River on the way home from the grocery store this afternoon when we saw Margot’s car parked out front.
I thought it’d be nice to say hi before the busyness of the weekend started.
Gus and Sawyer were just finishing up their day, and Margot was helping Beth with paperwork in the office.
Sawyer offered to teach Penelope to fish a little while ago, and he decided today should be the day to make good on that promise when he saw us walking up. He’s fully leaned into the whole uncle thing and honestly, it’s really fucking awesome.
It’s cool to see how easily everyone fits in here.
Only a few months ago, Margot and I barely existed to each other and these people, and now we feel like one giant family.
It’s like it was always supposed to be this way.
Penelope and I are able to walk into a place and not have only each other to cling to. We’re welcomed with open arms.
Except I’m still not completely used to the idea of switching up our little traditions, and although it might be an oversight on my part, I’m kind of caught off guard by how easily everyone just shows up.
But I love that Penelope is about to have a crowd of people celebrating her birthday. She deserves it all.
Margot puts down the pen she was using to jot down notes on the back of an old receipt. She’s not in the least bit organized, but her heart is there. Her eyes soften with a knowing look. She looks just like her mom when she does it.
“We can make an ice cream cake work. But the small size isn’t gonna cut it this year. Let us be a part of the day, Miller. For both of you.”
“Don’t think I don’t want you there,” I start.
“I don’t. But I know it’s hard. I’m still learning too.” Margot looks out the window, and I follow her line of sight to see Sawyer guiding Penelope to toss the fishing line.
She gets it. Margot spent her whole life thinking it would always just be her and Melanie, and then somehow she ended up here in Merrymount surrounded by people who only want to love her. She’s leaning into it though, and I love to see how comfortable she’s made herself here.
“My vote is still sugar cookies,” Gus says.
“Noted, my dude,” Margot assures him. “But it’s Miller’s and Penelope’s birthday so we’re giving them the final decision.”
Gus leans over, tilting the chair with him. “Red loves sugar cookies.”
“Cookies it is, then,” I decide with absolutely no further thought. He could just be saying that so I’d vote in his favor, but I’m not taking the chance.
Margot rolls her eyes but circles the word cookies on her list. “Speaking of Red…”
“You make moves on that yet?” Gus asks.
“Gus, you can’t just fucking ask like that,” Margot scoffs.
“Why not? We’re all wondering the same thing!”
“I’m trying,” I admit.
Both of their heads whip to me. These people see me and Gwen interact at the cafe.
Everyone is aware that I have a giant crush on her, and that I’m willing to follow her around like a lost puppy if needed.
They know Gwen sometimes comes over for dinners, and that she loves hanging out with P, but all of the other stuff…
the late nights and the notes, those are ours.
So they really don’t have a clue that I’ve been chipping away at Gwen Bozelli’s extremely solid walls for weeks now. I’m not sure if I’m getting any closer, but I’ll try until she tells me to stop.
“Do you want to walk us through your version of trying?” Margot asks.
“Nope.” I lean back in my chair and put my hands behind my head, relaxed and ready for the verbal beatdown Margot is about to deliver. Everybody around here is always in everyone’s business, and it works some, but I’m keeping Gwen and me private.
“But we can help! I know Red. Gus knows Red.” Margot points to herself and Gus, respectively, when Beth strides through the door with Daisy in tow. “And Beth and Daisy know Red!”
“Oh, are we conspiring for another love match?” Beth rubs her hands together as she walks over to her desk next to Margot’s like she has some diabolical plan. She pats Gus’s head and kisses the top of Margot’s on the way by.
“What do you mean, another?” Margot asks and I hear Daisy giggle.
“You thought my boy wooed you all on his own?” Beth’s question is lightheartedly directed at Margot who immediately flusters.
“Well—No, but I—You know what? Nevermind. It’s better to be on this side of of any planning. Yes, Beth. We are officially conspiring.”
Daisy makes a disgusted noise, waving her hand in front of her nose. “If only it didn’t smell like wet dog in here.”
“Careful, Daze. Don’t go acting like you’d lift a manicured finger for anyone. It’d give Miller here the wrong impression.”
“Excuse me?” Daisy snaps.
Gus’s voice reaches about five octaves higher than usual, in a mocking tone. “Oh, you’re excused, Daisy darling.”
“Real fucking mature of y—”
“You wanna talk about maturity?”
Before their back-and-forth turns into an all out brawl, Beth interrupts without looking up from her desk. “Will you two ever make it five whole minutes without the drama? You know what? Not today. Gus, go home. Daisy, get out.”
Margot and I look at each other, eyes wide, waiting to see what happens next.
Gus nods once, standing to his full height, and towering over every single one of us. He places the chair back in its place in front of Beth’s desk.
“Sorry, Beth,” he mumbles before silently waving goodbye.
If looks could kill, the glare Daisy shoots at Gus when they reach the door at the same time would have wiped him off the planet.
“I’m sorry, Beth,” she says. “I’ll see you Monday.”
Gus matches Daisy’s pointed look while begrudgingly pushing the door open for her. Daisy doesn’t even have to duck to walk under his arm and through the door.
“Christ, they’re exhausting.” Beth exhales once we hear each of their footsteps fade across the gravel parking lot.
“There has to be something that’ll crack this rivalry,” Margot offers. You can see the gears turning in her brain.
“I’m not in the business of meddling with those two anymore. I pass the torch to you. Now, more important matters. Miller?”
“Me?” Shit.
“Yes, you. I love Red like a daughter. She’s special and good. You see all of this, correct?”
“Of course,” I answer.
“Fabulous.” Beth smacks her hands together. “Let’s not beat around the bush. Red deserves to be loved, wholly and completely. It doesn’t need to be grand or loud, just to the bone honest. She needs someone who can show up.”
“I can do that.” I feel like I’m at a job interview for a position that I don’t remember applying to.
“Knew you could, kid. Good enough for me.” Beth winks.
“So, Miller…speaking of showing up,” Margot starts.
“Yeah?”
“Any chance you’d consider maybe thinking about letting me and Sawyer take P for the night one of these weekends?
It’d give you some alone time with Red. We have everything you could need for the perfect sleepover at the cottage!
I have all of the emergency numbers saved just in case. I was even CPR certified!”
“Marge, I trust you with my daughter.”
“But this is a big deal and I know—”
“I’m serious, Margot. Yes. Please. I think Penelope would love that.”
She’s not wrong, it is a big deal. But I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. I’ve been letting Margot and Sawyer take Penelope out for months, and after how much P loved her night with Beth and Melanie, this is the easiest next step.
This is good for Penelope. And me, if I’m actually going to be real with myself. I don’t like to admit to needing a break and taking time for myself. I love being a dad. I love being her dad, but I forget I’m supposed to be a guy in my twenties sometimes too.
But, wait—
“We have everything all set up?” I ask her. I know the answer, we all do. Margot’s just too chickenshit to own up to it. Well, I’m not giving her that option anymore.
Margot nervously shoots a quick glance at Beth who appears completely unphased. “We—” she enunciates the word and pauses like she’s testing it out. “Alright, fine. I moved into Sawyer’s.”
Beth looks up from the paperwork she was pretending to sort. “Can you believe she thinks we all didn’t know?”
“What?!” Margot yells.
“I think the real question is, why do you think we’d care?” I ask.
“Because moving in with someone is a big deal, and it was really fast, and I don’t know! I don’t like this!”
“You don’t like what, baby girl?” Beth says. “You’re happy. And shacking up, living in sin! This is the fun part!”
Margot shakes her head, pretending to tune Beth out. “Don’t say shacking up and living in sin ever again.”
“You kids are such prudes,” Beth humphs. “I’m gonna go join the fun ones outside.”
“She knows not to say that in front of Penelope, right?” I ask Margot after Beth is out of earshot.
We’re one week out from six years old. I’m not ready for that conversation yet. I debate heading out to monitor, but I don’t want any of them to think I’m that bad of a helicopter parent. I can loosen the reins. I can be chill.
I don’t need to control everything like my father.
“Eh, P will be fine,” Margot tries to assure me.
“So, wow, living together? That’s cool.”
Margot smiles. “It is. It feels right, even if it was early. I’m just…Do you ever feel weird about being thrown into”—Margot waves her hands around—“All of this?”
“Every day, Marge. I didn’t think shit like this existed, you know? Like, it was exclusively for movies and books. I thought Penelope’s Disney movies were more believable.”
“But it’s better this way,” she says.
“Oh, one hundo percent.”
The only thing I’d change is my standing with the town’s cafe owner, and I feel like my luck might be changing on that front soon, anyway.
Margot smiles softly. “Would you mind if I invited my mom next weekend?”
“Already did,” I tell her.
“I shouldn’t even be surprised.”
She shouldn’t. It was the first text I sent after Margot insisted on this joint birthday party after trick-or-treating.
I’m lucky enough to have found a special friendship with Melanie LeClair, and I don’t take it for granted. I loved my mom. I’m sure deep down, buried underneath all of the bullshit my father pumped into her, she was a good person. She was just so lost. She didn’t know how to find herself anymore.
I don’t damn her or hold her choices against her. She was always doing her best in an impossible situation. She thought the only way she could escape was with how she went, and I’ve made peace with that.
But Melanie has unknowingly filled a good chunk of that void by welcoming me and my daughter into her orbit, and Margot graciously accepts that. It’s easy to love them both.
“Do you think she’d ever move to Merrymount?” I ask.
“My mom? I mean, she loves that swim school, but…I don’t know. It’d be nice, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say. “The more the merrier in Merrymount.”
Margot snorts. “Add that to the never say again list.”