Chapter 19 Gwen - I want to fuck your brother
“So, do you think I could talk to you guys about something?” I ask Margot and Daisy.
It’s the question I’ve held off asking all night. I meant to bring it up sooner, but I keep chickening out. It’s just the three of us here in the cafe after hours because Margot and Daisy graciously agreed to help me start end of year holiday prep.
I need to get menus finalized, decorations planned out, scheduling done, and every other little thing in between sorted.
The Blueberry Festival committee is already about to start up again, and as much as I want to blow them off, I feel very stuck and obligated.
So, I guess I need to add that to my never ending list, too.
My parents—absolute shocker to no one—have made the “extremely hard” decision to not return to Merrymount at all this year.
So, I guess all of this falls on me. Which is why I’m so thankful to have Margot’s and Daisy’s support.
I’ve managed to fill the night with snacks and drinks and plans to distract from the other big thing I need support on.
Daisy gives Margot a look that makes me feel wicked out of the loop. Margot then looks at me. “Are you fucking my brother?”
The spiked hot chocolate I just took a sip of sputters out of my mouth. “No!” I exclaim.
“Damn it,” Margot mutters, pulling her phone out. After a couple taps, Daisy’s phone pings. I recognize that notification tone.
“Did you just send her money?!” I’m yelling.
“I was sure you were fucking. But Daze said you still look like you haven’t been laid in a while. She was right.” Margot slumps in her chair.
“You can’t bet on my sex life!” Why am I still yelling?
“Oh my God, nevermind the bet,” Daisy starts while rolling her eyes. “What’s up? Is Dean bothering you again?”
“Thankfully, no.” I’m glad I can answer that honestly and also really hate that it’s the first thing people need to ask. I don’t want to be attached to that jerk in any way, shape, or form.
“So it is about Miller,” Margot states.
“Yes, you nosey bitch.”
Margot doesn’t take me calling her a bitch negatively. She just smiles smugly behind her own mug of spiked hot chocolate. This is one of the reasons why we clicked so easily when she moved to town. She gets me.
“Spill before I lose my mind,” Daisy says dramatically, sipping her lemonade. My sober queen.
If Margot can be crass then so can I. “I want to fuck your brother.”
The smile that breaks out across Margot’s face is the farthest thing from what anyone would call cute. It’s more like the shit-eating grin the Grinch uses when he realizes he’s about to pull off the greatest heist Whoville has ever seen. I’m downright terrified.
“Well, well, well,” she sings.
“Wow,” Daisy says in a monotone voice. “Not a single soul in this entire town could have guessed that with the way you two move as a unit the past however many weeks.”
I’m ninety percent sure I’m blushing just thinking about the past couple of weeks.
Miller was actually serious about watching a movie together after he got P settled in bed after the “family pizza night” they planned and after that, things resumed to almost complete normalcy between us.
I’m thankful for the ambush. It sparked the idea for my Christmas gift for the two of them.
It’s over the top, completely ridiculous, and I know I’ll be talking Miller off the ledge about how insane it all is.
But it’s going to be so worth it. Only about a month left until I can finally clue them in.
It’s been an absolute blast spending time with them again.
I’m at the apartment most nights after work.
I’m helping P with homework, helping Miller with dinner, and filling in the bedtime routine gaps.
We’ve been taking Penelope to the park to get some outside play time in before it’s really too cold to do so.
Miller never fails to let me know how much I’m appreciated, extra emphasis on his thankfulness for me and not just for what I can do. I love it.
The only thing that has slightly changed is that Miller and I get very comfy and cozy together on the couch after P goes to bed, but it doesn’t go much further than that.
He’s so Goddamn respectful, and while I’m bursting on the inside to heat things up, I understand his need to take things slow.
It’s actually kind of nice to know there’s a mile long list of things we get to look forward to.
Each evening, I set an alarm on my phone, too.
So when we both do eventually fall asleep (because we do almost every single night), we have a backup to wake us up before Penelope notices.
I think with anyone else, I would feel dirty sneaking out the door in the dark.
But Miller makes me laugh, and he holds my hand all the way to my car.
He stays awake on the phone with me until our teeth are brushed, and we’re both in our own beds.
And there’s always a new sticky note in my bag for me to find and add to my collection on my closet door.
I don’t think about Dean and his bullshit. In fact, I haven’t seen even a shadow of him since our last encounter. It’s been glorious.
But I’m starting to feel stuck. “I don’t know how to do it.”
“Sex?” Margot asks. I smack my hand to my face, but she continues, “I’m sure it’s been a while, but I’m also sure you know what you’re doing. I could give you pointers! Sometimes I do this thing to Sawyer’s—”
“For fuck’s sake, Margot. I know how to have sex.
I don’t know how to initiate the next step.
Like, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, and we also have the little issue…
Okay, wait. Penelope is not an issue, but we can’t exactly make things happen, at least not the first time, with her in the room next to us, you know?
I don’t even know if that’s where his head is at either because—”
“Oh, I’m sure we can guess where his head is at…” Daisy mumbles.
I shoot her a pointed look. “I’m serious, Daze! I don’t want to mess this up.”
“Are you concussed? Did you forget you’re Red fucking Bozelli?
The girl who has had every head turn her way when she walks into a room since the beginning of time?
Men would lick the floor for you. Miller is fantastic, but he isn’t safe from your spell.
Get the hell up.” Daisy’s pep talk isn’t sweet, but you can always count on her honesty, and that’s what I need right now.
“She’s right, babe,” Margot adds. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to mess things up just by wanting more.
He obviously wants that, too. You just need to tell him.
With your big girl words. And as far as alone time goes…
Uh, hello.” She dramatically waves her free hand.
“Auntie M here, reporting for duty and just about begging to get that wild child for a sleepover. Let me talk to Miller?”
“It just feels very all or nothing. I don’t want to end up with nothing again.” It’s an admission I didn’t plan on letting slip out.
Margot’s small hand lands on my thigh. “Red…”
“No, hear me out, okay?” I shake my head to try to will the tears to stay locked in.
“We’re in murky water now, right? Kissing here and there.
Hanging out every day. It’s nice and it’s fun.
We take the next step, right? We date or whatever.
I start sleeping here, they sleep at my place.
We become this domesticated trio. Bam! We break up over…
I don’t even know what we break up over, but we do, okay? Then what?”
“You can’t think like that, Red. Besides, I hate to break it to you, but you’re already the domesticated trio you described. You’re already invested. and they are, too,” Daisy says.
Her truth bomb lands heavy in my gut. I have successfully and strategically kept everyone at arm's length since the downfall of my marriage, and now that I’ve broken my own rules, I’m so scared.
“How are you so sure about you and Sawyer?” This is where Margot will tell me she’s worried every day about them breaking up. I can’t be the only person who anticipates the end like this.
She shrugs her shoulders. “He’s my person. There isn’t a timeline that exists where we don’t find each other.”
Well, what the fuck.
“What the lovesick idiot over here is trying to say is, you don’t know what’s going to happen down the road. It doesn’t mean your complete and total happiness right now isn’t worth it.”
The tears are impossible to stop. “Guys, come on. I needed advice, not an emotional beat down.”
Both girls abandon their drinks and pull me into a group hug that probably looks ridiculous to anyone who might be passing by. “We heard you and decided you didn’t know what you needed,” Margot says into my sweater.
“Thank you,” I say in between sniffles.
“You’re so strong, Red. I’ve looked up to you for years. It’s time you get what you’ve always deserved,” Daisy tells me while rubbing circles on my back.
Once I pull myself the hell together and the three of us check off a couple more things on my to-do list, I look to my last bullet point. “Thanksgiving,” is all I say.
Margot jumps right into things. “Mom’s already in. I invited her to stay at the cottages, but she’s ditching us for Beth again. Miller and Penelope are obviously coming. Gus, too.” With that, Daisy pretends to gag.
“I’m out,” Daisy declares, and I throw daggers at her with my eyes. “Not because of Gus!” she adds in her own defense. “My mom invited her sister, and she said we need to put on the perfect family act to impress her.” She slumps in her chair.
“Mary Jane cannot control your life and deem you the built-in babysitter forever, Daze. If you don’t want to spend Thanksgiving with them, you know you’re more than welcome here,” I remind her.
“I still live under her roof. One day I’ll get out, but—Yeah. Just—one day.”
I nod my head and don’t push it.
I’ve always been close with Daisy. Her parents opened up the flower shop, The Fuzzy Leaf, right next door to Red’s Place at just about the same time as my parents opened Red’s.
Growing up, I used to spend a lot of time at her house, until one day my mom said I couldn’t go over there anymore.
She never told me why, and I never asked Daisy, out of fear I’d offend her.
Besides, it all worked out when I realized she could still come hang at my place.
Daisy is honest and true, but the girl has secrets. As much as I worked hard to put up walls the past few years, she’s the real architect. I’ve had to learn to love her from afar. Which is why I never press her when she shuts down like this.
We vote for a traditional Thanksgiving meal and divvy up who’s going to bring what, compiling a list to send out in a group text.
I offer up the cafe to host since it’s the easiest place to get everyone together comfortably.
When we finally check the time, it’s well past when we said we would head home.
Sawyer pulls up to the front of the cafe within fifteen minutes of Margot texting him to drive us both home since neither of us should be getting behind the wheel after drinking two bottles of Beth’s spiked hot cocoa.
Every year around this time, she drops old fashioned glass milk bottles of it by the back door of the cafe weekly without my asking.
When I’m locking up, I’m still mulling over the advice Daze and Margot gave me.
As I get into the backseat of Sawyer’s Jeep, before he pulls away, I look to the upstairs window and smile when I can see a night light emitting a purple glow throughout the room.
Penelope has made the space so inexplicably hers that it makes me want to dance with freaking glee.
I think about how much she’s already attached herself to my heart.
I need to talk to Miller.