Chapter 22 Miller Gwen #2
“They’re arrows,” I tell Miller while he stares. “For staying on my true path, or at least that’s what the piercer told me when I got them done.”
His face lowers and he shoots his eyes up to me. “Can I touch them?”
“Please,” I breathe, not looking away.
He flicks his tongue on my left nipple, and I jump at the contact. I’ve always been sensitive and after I got them pierced that only intensified. But I’ve been the only one testing out touch since I got them done, so this is all new to me.
His mouth captures my nipple, and I feel his tongue swirl as I twist underneath him. My hands find his hair—their favorite place to be apparently—and I play with his curls at the same time he plays with me.
Miller’s tongue tangles with mine while he fumbles with the button on my jeans. I lose my patience and reposition to help him drag the denim off me. He tosses my pants along with his shirt across the room.
It’s when he’s toying with the clasps on my bodysuit, and I can hear his frustration through his small sigh that the first giggle escapes my lips.
“I’m so sorry,” he exhales and lifts himself to sit upright on the couch next to me.
I prop myself onto my elbows. “Do not be sorry right now.”
“It’s just…you’re you. You look like this.” Miller gestures to my near naked body, and I feel the heat creep from my chest up to my face. “You just did that.” His hand motions down, and I have to hold back from slapping my own hand across my mouth. “I knew I was out of my league here, but wow.”
“Miller.” I scoot over and grab the throw blanket hanging off the back of the couch to place on top of us. “That’s silly. I want you. There’s no league or whatever. I…Would it help if I told you this is hard for me too?”
I trace his jawline with my finger as he nods.
“Okay, trigger warning, I’m going to mention Dean.”
“I feel like I should put clothes on for this conversation…”
“No!” I drape my legs over his thighs, keeping him right where he is. “I like you like this, please.” He offers me a soft smile and my nerves loosen.
“Okay, so I’ve never actually said this out loud before. And now we’re here and uh, yeah, okay.”
Miller grabs my hand and squeezes. “Gwen, you can talk to me about anything. Your past is a part of who you are. I’m good. You’re safe here.”
Hearing the word safe opens up a floodgate of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. I also wasn’t prepared for how absolutely true it feels to hear Miller say that. I’m safe here with him.
I let the words I’ve held in in fear of judgment for so long fall out.
“Dean and I had a shitty sex life. He had to be the one to initiate things, or he would call me needy. It was done when he was done. There are…things I think I’m really into that he would put me down for.
There was a lot of name calling. It just—it just wasn’t fun.
It wasn’t the way I think sex with your partner is supposed to be. ”
My words hang, and I feel the need to keep going.
“I don’t care that you don’t think you know what you’re doing.
My underwear is wrecked right now because of how much that blowjob turned me on.
I don’t want you to feel like you need to keep up or be someone you’re not when all I’m looking for is you. ”
“He never deserved you,” Miller mutters down to his lap where our hands sit cozily together.
I grab at his chin and pull him to look at me. “Nope. But I think after years of therapy and self-reflection, I see that, and I deserve another chance at happiness. I’d like to take that chance with you.”
“And you’re okay with uh, teaching me?” He winces at the last part.
“Miller, baby.” I snake my hand under the blanket and graze his abdomen with my fingertips, loving the way he jumps beneath my touch. “That tongue doesn’t seem to need much teaching. But, yes. I’m more than eager.”
“These light touches are killing me.” His hand wraps around my wrist. “Wait, Gwen. Before you get me hard again, and I start thinking with the wrong head. Can we…God damn it, is it okay if we take this part of things slow?”
“Yes,” I answer without a second thought. “Of course. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“It’s dumb, really—”
“No it’s not,” I cut him off. “Your boundaries are important. That’s like, the number one rule of sex-ed. So, consider this your first lesson. Miller, you’re allowed to say no.”
“Thank you,” he says with closed eyes.
My hand trails farther down, and I find myself toying with the happy trail of dark hair on the lower part of his stomach.
“For clarification purposes. I’m about to invite you upstairs to my bedroom.
You are in no way obligated to accept this invitation, but I also need you to know it’s not some ploy to get in your pants. Well, your lack of pants.”
Miller pulls me into him, and he laughs. “To sleep?”
“To sleep,” I assure him.
“But if I wasn’t ready to sleep just yet…” The hand that was rubbing circles on my back starts to play with the hem of the body suit that’s currently still somehow stuck to me.
“Miller Caswell, are you propositioning me?” I ask in a mock transatlantic accent.
He shakes his head and pulls me closer to him, and I nuzzle into the crook of his neck. His arms wrap around me tightly, and I think about how I’ve never felt this relaxed and wound up at the same time in my life.
“Let’s get that fine ass of yours upstairs,” Miller mumbles into my hair.