Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Ladon
The healer’s ward was bustling with staff. Not only was Cyrus injured, but other soldiers had sustained wounds from our latest battle, too, and it seemed like every healer in Renoa was on duty.
Of course, my brother was given his own private room down a long hall, around a corner, and farther down a second hall with guards standing outside his corridor. He would’ve been safe even without the extra precautions, but it eased my mother’s nerves.
The guards gave me a small nod as I passed by and into the second hall. I stopped outside Cyrus’s door, hand frozen on the knob, when I heard a voice.
I knew I shouldn’t, but I leaned in closer to hear my mother speaking.
“He isn’t doing well, Cyrus. None of us are.
You’re the pillar that holds this family together, and without you…
I need you, Cyrus. Your family needs you.
Ladon… he’s suffering, too. He may not say it outright, but I know this is hard on him.
And he hasn’t even recovered from his time… well, his time…”
Her voice dropped to a whisper, and I strained to hear her next words.
“He won’t speak about it, you know. I’m afraid we might’ve lost him forever. He’s here… but he’s not okay. And I don’t know how to help him. So I need you to come back to us, because he listens to you and looks up to you. I need both of my sons to be okay again.”
A lump lodged in my throat. My mother was sharp and observant, but I hadn’t expected her to be so focused on me. Not while Cyrus was lying unconscious. My wounds were secondary.
I shoved my emotions down and arranged my face in a pleasant expression before knocking and opening the door.
My mother immediately wiped tears from her eyes, inhaling a shaky breath. Her gaze darted between me and Cyrus, who was in bed with a sheet pulled up to his chest and a fluffy pillow behind his head. “I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
“I hadn’t planned to. It was a last-minute decision. Have you been here long?”
A tray of half-eaten food rested on the table next to her, and she had an olive-green blanket stretched across her lap. I could just make out the corner of a pillow placed behind her back. If I had to guess, she’d been sleeping here and having all her meals brought in.
“If you want to take a break, I can stay here with him,” I told her. This wasn’t healthy. Had she done the same thing while I was missing? Sat next to my empty bed and desperately waited for me to return?
“No, I can’t. I have to be here.”
Arguments with my mother never went in my favor, so I didn’t bother. I took the seat next to her, and she pulled her blanket, stretching it over my legs too.
“How’s he doing?”
“Same as yesterday. And you?”
I smirked. “Same as yesterday.”
She gently swatted at my leg, and I grabbed her hand.
“I’m okay.” I squeezed her hand to reassure her, but she only stared at me with glassy eyes. “Really, I am. I’m not the same as I was before, and I don’t know if I ever will be, but I am okay. Promise.”
Her eyes narrowed as if she were waiting for me to crack. When I showed no sign of breaking down, she finally relented. “You’ve never been one to show your emotions, but it’s been even harder for me to read you since your return. You’ll tell me if you’re ever not okay?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Anything else you’d like to share with your mother?”
“About…?” My pulse began to race as I imagined the questions she must have about what happened in Murvort.
I still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and honestly, I didn’t think I ever would be.
Emilie was the only one I felt comfortable confiding in because she knew how it felt.
My gaze dropped to the white vines wrapped around my wrists.
“About a certain intelligent girl, brown hair, gorgeous eyes… You might’ve seen her in the library. I think she lives there now.”
I was relieved she didn’t want to talk about Murvort, but I kept my lips sealed. Something must’ve shown on my face though, because she carried on.
“Are we still pretending that nothing is happening there? That I didn’t walk in on the two of you canoodling in the library?”
“Canoodling?” I couldn’t keep the amusement out of my voice. She smacked my leg again, and this time I winced. “Ow.”
“You know what I mean. Has that been laid to rest?”
I rubbed my hand across my face. Any leniency or patience I’d been hoping for was completely nonexistent. “We are—”
Immediately, I questioned my words, because her brows rose to an unnatural height.
“There shouldn’t be a ‘we.’”
“But there is,” I said firmly, and she leaned back. “There is a ‘we.’ There is an ‘Emilie and I.’ I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Cyrus will understand. He has to.”
I glanced at my brother like he might be brought to life by the topic at hand, but he remained sleeping peacefully. I was so adamant that he would be sympathetic, but there was a very good possibility I was wrong.
My mother voiced my fears. “What if he doesn’t? What if this tears apart our alliance with Dreslen? How do you think her parents will react if this engagement unravels? Are you willing to risk that for a girl?”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Ignoring the fact that Dreslen brought nothing to the table through our alliance and wouldn’t be missed, my mother was speaking as if I were infatuated with a childhood crush. But Emilie was so much more than that. “I’d risk my life for her.”
The color drained from her face, and she blinked rapidly, at a complete loss for words. Then she turned to face forward again. Perhaps she couldn’t bear to look at me after I’d disappointed her so thoroughly.
“You’re truly in love with her.”
She said it so quietly I almost missed it. It was a statement, not a question, but I answered anyway.
“I am.”
Time stood still as she digested this information. When she finally looked at me again, it was with an expression of fear mixed with happiness. I saw it in her eyes—a paradoxical joyous sorrow.
I knew it all too well. I felt it every time I touched Emilie, knowing what it cost to call her mine.
Her bottom lip trembled when she spoke. “We’ll figure it out.”
I nodded because there was nothing else I could do. “Emilie doesn’t think we should be together until Cyrus wakes.”
“She’s a smart woman.” I made a disgruntled noise, and my mother huffed a laugh. “It’s true. It’s best for everyone if the two of you keep this quiet for now. Once Cyrus wakes—if he wakes—we can decide how to handle it as a family.”
“Hey,” I said, demanding my mother’s attention. “He is going to wake up. You can’t give up. You didn’t give up on me, did you?”
She sighed and offered a half-hearted smile. “Of course not.”
I wished there was more I could’ve said to her—to convince her that Cyrus would be okay—but I honestly didn’t know.
Besides, a knock at the door had us both turning to see who the latest visitor was.
We’d given strict orders that only family be allowed to visit.
The last thing we needed was to have nosy nobility and curious civilians hovering over him.
Aside from my mother and me, healers were the only ones allowed to move freely where he was concerned.
The door slowly pushed open, and Emilie stepped inside. “Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?”
I could practically feel my mother tense beside me. I muttered under my breath, “Be nice.”
“Not at all,” she said. “You’re always welcome here, Emilie. I’m sure Cyrus would be happy to know you’re concerned about his wellbeing.”
Emilie’s mouth parted slightly while I clenched my teeth. “Um, I do care very much for him, Sophia.”
My mother hummed, and it was hard to tell if it was in approval or not. Rising from her seat, she walked around Cyrus’s bed and crossed the narrow space before coming to a stop in front of Emilie.
“Come to dinner tonight. Both of you,” she said, turning to look back at me. “And I don’t want to hear any of your excuses. I’m tired of eating alone.”
Leave it to my mother to make me feel guilty for something entirely different from what I’d expected. She could accept my feelings for Emilie but couldn’t accept another meal on her own.
Emilie’s face was full of surprise. “My brother is visiting. I’m not sure I—”
“Bring him too. I will see you all at dusk. I’m going to go freshen up.”
I was too busy reveling in the fact that my mother was finally leaving the healer’s ward that I didn’t think about how uncomfortable this dinner was likely to be until the door closed behind her.
“Well, that was…”
“Unexpected?” Emilie asked.
“Yes.”
“She knows, doesn’t she?”
“How did you…”
Emilie raised her hands in exasperation. “It’s obvious. Sophia has always been so kind to me, and now she’s making pointed remarks about how Cyrus will be pleased to know I care and forcing us to have dinner together. What did you say to her?”
“I didn’t say anything,” I said defensively.
“You must’ve,” she argued, brows pinched together with worry. “Sophia can’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it.”
Sighing, I stood and crossed the room to hold her. She took a few steps back as I approached, like my touch might set her on fire, but eventually she allowed me to wrap my arms around her.
“My mother doesn’t hate you. She’s just trying to figure out how to navigate this, the same as we are. Trust me, she still adores you.”
Emilie’s shoulders slumped. “It didn’t seem that way.”
“She wouldn’t have invited you to dinner if she didn’t.”
Emilie pulled back from me, and her eyes widened. “Oh, gods, dinner. Adrien doesn’t know.”
My lips curved into a half-smile. “Are you going to tell him beforehand?”
“No. I mean… I hadn’t planned on telling him anything until we were ready to tell everyone, but I suppose this changes things.
” She frowned, and I could see the wheels in her brain turning, running through a thousand scenarios on how best to handle Adrien and breaking the news that she was ending her engagement to a king.