Chapter 12
Arms wrapped around me, holding me upright as the warmth of body heat pressed against my shivering flesh.
“We’ve got you,” Bastien’s dulcet voice rumbled. “Keep breathing, the unpleasantness will pass in a bit.”
A wave of tremors wracked through me as if on cue, my limbs quaking and my teeth nearly chattering out of my skull.
The warmth that surrounded me didn’t falter, offering what soothing it could in that moment.
After a few more breaths, I could relax enough to open my eyes, finding Bastien and Cirian wrapped around me on either side, their arm interlocked.
“What happened?” I asked through chattering teeth. “Where is it?”
“That Umbral arsehole tried to possess you, like he’d done to Bast,” Cirian answered, resting his chin on my shoulder. “It’s tucked its tail and run.”
“I didn’t realize that it could change hosts so quickly,” Bastien joined in.
“Hosts?” I questioned.
“That’s right. I was able to glean a few details while it inhabited my mind. It requires attachment to a living creature. It can’t survive for long outside of the Ether without drawing on the magic of another.”
My breath quickened, my pulse hammering against my ribs. In my head, a chaotic storm churned, filled with flashes of copper curls, the stench of wine, and fireside conversations. I needed some time before things would make sense.
“Here,” Cirian said gently, hooking a finger under my chin and lifting my gaze to meet his. Eyes of darkest night stared back at me, holding me in its power. “Focus on me right now. Match my breathing, yes?”
I nodded, focusing on the redhead as he inhaled deeply, the sides of his sharp nose flaring.
I followed suit best I could, drawing in as deep as my panicked lungs would allow me.
We both held our breath for what felt like ages, then released it all at once, Cirian holding my attention the entire way.
We breathed like that three more times, and after the fourth breath, he gave me a nod, a small smile curling the edge of his mouth.
“Good lad, that’s better.”
Their combined warmth had soothed me enough that my limbs no longer shook, though neither of them moved to signal that they were looking to break the contact.
I was in no rush to do the same. It was odd, being held by Bastien and Cirian.
Physical affection was nothing new to me—the Urchins were never shy about our love for one another—yet somehow this felt different.
It felt… sacred. Like we were performing some ritual from ages past that refastened our bonds.
“Thank you,” I told them, taking the time to look them both in the eye. “I don’t know if I would have been able to walk away on my own.”
“Don’t mention it,” Cirian replied, his grin spreading. “Though, if anyone were strong enough to pull out of that thing's spell, I’d put money down on you.”
I shook my head. “It knew exactly where to strike. Knew my fears better than I did. What kind of creature can do that?”
“Nothing that our world has experienced before,” Bastien said.
“You said that you were able to learn about it. Is there a weakness we can exploit?”
Bastien’s expression stiffened. “I don’t know if I’d call it that.”
I wanted to ask more, but Cirian suddenly detached himself from the group.
“Walk and talk, gentlemen. We need to get back to the sanctuary before the bastard tries for a reprise. Even though I’m feeling awfully left out, being the only mind here it hasn’t suckled from, I’m not desperate enough to offer myself up on a silver platter. ”
I pulled away from Bastien, but his hand lingered on my shoulder, waiting till I gave him a nod before he relinquished his grip on me. Cirian took the lead as we started down the labyrinthine tunnels, retracing our steps back to Sancha’s sanctuary.
My muscles ached, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in the nearest corner and sleep. To keep myself from nodding off mid-stride, I turned to Bastien. “Tell us what else you’ve learned about it.”
Bastien didn’t seem thrilled to be discussing the topic of the entity that inhabited his mind, but after a moment, he began.
“I hypothesize that it’s able to infiltrate our minds without the touch of magic.
No amount of mental defenses seems strong enough to keep it out.
Once it’s made the connection, then it singles in on what it needs to break—your will.
The host has to willingly give over control before the Umbral is able to inhabit them fully. ”
“It made me see things that weren’t there,” I confessed. “Made me relive moments of my life that I never wanted to remember.”
“It was the same for me,” Bastien commiserated. “Visceral memories. Those that shaped who we are. It doesn’t pull punches. It longs to carve to the center of you as quickly as it can. It makes breaking you all the easier.”
“How?” Cirian questioned, glancing over his shoulder. “I don’t understand how your own memories would cause you to want to give up control.”
Bastien frowned, his brow drawing down over his golden eyes.
“It taps into your greatest fears. It parades them in front of you, all the while whispering sweet promises into your ear. Promises that things could be better. That all of your anxieties can be dissolved with the snap of their fingers. At least, that’s what it was like for me. ”
“It was the same,” I agreed. “Though it wore Tobias’s face.”
Bastien’s expression darkened, and Cirian clicked his tongue, the set of his jaw squaring. The sentiment was shared between the three of us—how dare this monster wear the face of the man we loved.
“What was it you feared, Azrael?” Cirian asked after a moment, then immediately shook his head, adding, “You don’t have to give an answer. Apologies, I just assumed that someone as battle-hardened as you would have conquered their fears long ago.”
“It’s alright,” I conceded. “It’s not pain or bloodshed that I fear. It’s something far less tangible, and far more melancholy.”
“You don’t have to confide in us,” Bastien chimed in. “There are some things that are meant to be kept close.”
And keep it close, I had. I’d never shared my fears with anyone before, not even Kaine, who was as close to kin as anyone I had left in this world. After I became Rudderkin, I grew even more aware of the need to project strength. Rebellion leaders didn’t have fears.
“You’re right, Cirian. I’ve overcome a host of fears in my lifetime. Death lost its influence over me long ago. Pain was an acquaintance I greeted daily. All others seemed irrational. But the Umbral had no trouble digging into my past and unearthing the germinated seed of my despair.
“It showed it to me, flaunted the root of my insecurity before it went for the kill. I was prepared for anything, except for the truths that it confronted me with. An efficient demise as I’d ever seen.
In all honesty, I was moments away from giving in to it.
To give it whatever it wanted to never feel that way again. ”
Cirian slowed, turning to face me as he did.
“Source, save us. You’re the strongest amongst us, and even you couldn’t stand against it.”
“It wasn’t the Source that saved me,” I argued. “It was the two of you. The connection that we share. And the reminder that came along with it.”
“Which was?” Bastien inquired.
I reached for my chest, feeling the thin tether pull before it shimmered to life, latching itself onto the others.
“That I’m not alone.”
They reached for me, both in their own way—Bastien resting a hand on my shoulder, while Cirian hooked his elbow around my own. The tether’s aura surged, illuminating the tunnel with its violet light.
Cirian looked up with a smile. “Don’t you forget it, mate.”
“Together is how we’ll get through this,” Bastien added.
And for the first time in the months since Tobias fell unconscious, the weight that sat in my chest lifted. There was such a lightness, if the others hadn’t been holding onto me, I might have floated away.
I reached for the two men, cupping my hand around the back of each of their heads. I leaned forward to Cirian first, guiding him down to me so I could plant a kiss on his forehead.
“Thank you.”
I then turned to Bastien and did the same.
“Thank you.”
Bastien’s gaze dropped to the ground as I released my hold on him, and when I turned back to Cirian, his cheeks were flushed, nearly the same shade as the strands of hair that framed his face.
“Is something amiss?” I asked him, puzzled by his silence.
He shook his head. “I-It’s nothing.”
“Should we continue on, then?”
Another shake, and Cirian detached himself from me, scratching at the nape of his neck. “Yeah, we can talk more once we’re back at the Sanctuary. Once I’ve had a moment’s rest, I can help with those wounds, Azzy. Those bruises are starting to match your hair.”
Bastien chuckled, and I couldn’t help but join him. Even here, amongst the evils of this world and the next, we could find moments of light.
We resumed our pace down the winding tunnels, Cirian leading the way once more.
“Now that we know what we’re facing, have you been able to uncover any weaknesses we can exploit, Bastien?”
Bastien scribbled furiously in a small leather-bound notebook as he spoke.
“Not entirely, but I have a few ideas. The biggest weakness is its need for a host. If we can somehow figure out a way to contain it, or remove its access to others, then we can cripple it long enough for us to devise a permanent solution.”
It was a start. I was certain that with enough time, there was no problem that Bastien couldn’t solve. I found myself surprised at the ease with which I placed my trust in him. Was that because of our bond?
“Can we assume that it will go after one of the clergy now as its host?”
“It seems like it’s attracted to power,” Bastien answered. “Perhaps it seeks powerful Magi out, seeing possessing them to be the best chance it has at accomplishing its goals.”
“Is this your way of calling yourself powerful?” Cirian interjected.