Chapter 25
Chapter
Twenty-Five
ZEPHYR
Darwin’s fathers arrived two days ago. I recognized them easily enough—as one does with celebrities.
Enoch Zayn-Dayne is in the spotlight far more than his retired pro-hockey husband, Azure Dayne, is these days, but there’s no mistaking Azure.
His icy eyes, so much like Darwin’s, are cold. Almost empty.
I recognize them for what they are—the eyes of a psychopath.
Enoch hugs Darwin tightly for several minutes.
I really kind of love that Darwin doesn’t try to end the embrace early.
So many kids, especially adult males, are brainwashed by society to believe that affection is an affront to their masculinity.
Darwin doesn’t seem to share the opinion and hugs his father tightly.
Seeing his surprise when Azure hugged him just as tightly made me grin. He’s misread his father for many, many years. I think that hug healed a whole lot inside him. Even as Azure lifted Darwin’s feet from the ground at the end, making him laugh.
I was not in the least bit surprised when Liam and Matty didn’t invite their parents.
Nor that my parents had already made plans.
Their boys are grown, and though they tend to hang around northern Arizona and close to home, they travel often now.
Secretly, I think they’re getting as much traveling in now before their kids have kids.
I know for certain that all four of my parents will be very present in their grandchildren’s lives.
Just as their parents are in mine and my brothers’.
I was also not surprised when Lanzo said he was hanging with the Van Dorens for Thanksgiving.
He works in the tech lab on-site, and while our childhood home is within ten miles of the Van Doren Estate, he chose to live on the second floor of the big house.
I think he enjoys being surrounded by people.
As much as he doesn’t relate to most things other people think or feel and is often baffled and disgusted by how they act, he’s infinitely fascinated watching them ‘make fools of themselves’ as he says.
What shocked me was that Erez agreed to join us. I’m now anxiously waiting at the dock in Alexandria Bay for his car to arrive. There’s not an airport nearby, so he flew into Salaberry-de-Valleyfield Airport and arranged to borrow a car.
Alexandria Bay is a ghost town this time of year.
Only a few thousand permanent residents remain year-round.
Right now, on Thanksgiving morning, there’s no one on the street.
No one is traveling, shopping, or working.
The entire town is closed down. So when I see the headlights in the distance, I know it’s my brother.
I’m relieved. Not just because he’s finally here and I haven’t seen him in months, but because I’m fucking cold.
He parks in a nearby empty spot—which is nearly all of them—and I rock on my feet, grinning ear to ear as I wait for him to climb out.
As soon as he opens the door, my patience has worn thin, and I jog to meet him.
I wrap him in my arms as soon as he’s standing straight, and he grins. “Hey, bro,” he greets. My arms tighten until he grunts and laughs. “Miss me, fucker? You trying to break a rib so I stay longer?”
“Yes, and maybe.”
His hand grips the back of my head. “Missed you too, Zeph,” he says quietly. “That’s why I’m here, since you refuse to come to me.”
I let him go and open the trunk to get his suitcase. It’s just a small one, reinforcing that he doesn’t intend to stay long. I’m a little disappointed.
He locks up the car when we have everything he needs out of it. “Guess I’ll find out soon enough why you won’t come home,” he muses as I lead him to the boat.
It’s Liam’s boat since it was blocking the one we keep in the water in case we need to get to shore for anything. “Guess you will,” I agree. Probably right away. We haven’t hidden what we’re doing in front of Darwin’s parents, and I don’t have any intention of hiding it in front of my brother.
I wouldn’t hide it for any other reason except that I’m nervous anyway.
Nervous because I’ve never done this. I’ve never been in a situation where I have feelings for someone.
It’s unexpectedly really kind of terrifying.
The emotions themselves, yes, but also that I’m going to hurt one of the guys who means a fucking lot to me.
The idea that I could be the reason they hurt sometimes wakes me up at night.
Living in Arizona, I knew Erez wouldn’t arrive prepared for the frigid air on the water, so I make him sit, force him to put a hat on, and then wrap him in a thick wool blanket.
He gives me an amused look. A look that is no longer there when I pull into the boathouse, and his nose and cheeks are cherry red.
“It’s fucking freezing,” he mutters once the engine is off.
“That’s why I brought you a blanket.”
He harrumphs. He also doesn’t take the blanket off as I haul him from the boat and take his suitcase in hand. Erez remains huddled inside it while I drive us up to the castle in the side-by-side and park just beside the door.
I join him at the foot of the stairs while he stares up in silence. For a minute, we don’t move. Don’t speak. Eventually, I ask, “You okay?”
Erez inhales and holds it. “It’s been a long time since I was here. Since Alice was alive. She was with us the last time I was here.”
I wrap an arm around his shoulders and give him a sideways hug. “I know.”
He shivers and meets my eyes. “I didn’t dress for this. Bring me inside.”
Laughing, I lead him up the stairs. We drop the suitcase in the hall and hang the blanket on the hook with the jackets, which makes him grin. Then, I take him down the hall.
As soon as we step into the kitchen, where our Thanksgiving dinner is being prepped by everyone in the castle, Matty lights up. As if I’d been gone for days and not less than an hour, he rushes across the room and throws himself into my arms, his lips coming down on mine.
I don’t have to see my brother to know he’s surprised.
Matty is all about affection as soon as one of us returns to the room, whether he’d been in there by himself or one of us left for nothing more than to take a piss.
So while I think this is a little overexaggeration for Erez’s benefit, I’m not in the least bit surprised by his greeting.
“You’re so cold,” Matty says and hugs me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder. I know he’s looking at Erez now. Waiting for a reaction.
The kitchen is quiet as they watch, mostly in amusement. I shift so I can look at my brother, and sure enough, he’s watching me and Matty with an eyebrow raised.
“This is Matty,” I introduce. “He’s very affectionate. Do you need a hug?”
Erez snorts as Matty pulls himself free, though he doesn’t let me go entirely. He offers Matty his hand.
“My oldest brother, Erez.”
“That’s a cool name,” Matty says.
Erez grins. “Thanks.”
“You and your brothers all have cool names,” Matty says, meeting my eyes again. “Meanwhile, my siblings and I are Mathew, Mary, and Adam.”
“Bible belt naming,” Liam says.
Matty sighs. “Right? At least they’re not dicks and don’t care that I’m gay.” He flashes Erez another smile and returns to the task he’d been doing.
“You’re just in time for potato duty,” I tell Erez, slapping his arm and leading him further into the kitchen. I stop by Darwin, squeeze an ass cheek, and kiss his face cheek—just so no cheeks are feeling left out—and carry on down to the five-pound bag of potatoes.
Erez watches it all silently, an amused little smile on his face.
I hand him the bag and grab the bowl for the peeled potatoes, a couple knives, and a couple of cutting boards.
On my way back, I introduce everyone else at the island who are elbow deep in dinner prep before we take a seat at the breakfast booth.
Erez glares at the potatoes but doesn’t argue when I dump them between us. “I come to visit, and you make me do the worst job,” he gripes.
“I’m doing it too. It’s brotherly bonding shit.”
He rolls his eyes but begins peeling. I watch him in my periphery as he glances at everyone standing around the island. They’ve picked up conversation again.
“This is why you’re still here, huh?”
“What?” I ask, looking at him as if I have no idea what he’s talking about.
His deadpan look makes me smirk.
“Matty and… Darwin? Was that his name?”
“It is, and yes.” I glance at Liam but decide that, for right now, that is a little too complicated for a short, non-private conversation. “They’re pretty great,” I admit.
“Looks like Matty is really smitten with you.”
“Pfft. They both are.”
“He’s smitten too,” Matty calls across the room, proving that nothing we’re saying is private.
I grin and don’t argue. He’s not wrong. I can admit that internally, at least.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks.
My humor settles into something content. “I guess…” I concentrate on peeling the potato in my hand for a minute. “I guess maybe I’m a little too anxious because it’s going really well, and I’m concerned that I’ll jinx it. Or fuck it up somehow.”
I’m aware that the room has hushed, but I keep my eyes trained on the potatoes.
“I don’t think you will,” Erez says.
I glance up, meeting his eyes briefly. “No?”
He shakes his head. “You’re just like our parents. You have a lot of love, and you’re going to thrive now that you’ve found the guys that have somehow reached your heart beyond the thorny shell you’ve kept it hidden behind since we were kids.”
“I didn’t,” I say, huffing.
“You did,” he says quietly. “We all have.”
My lungs feel like they’ve seized in my chest for just a second as I remember Alice’s lifeless body lying in her casket. I’m surprised when my lower lip trembles and I have to put the knife down to catch my breath. “Huh,” I answer.
Erez reaches across the table and grips my wrist. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to make this heavy.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t realize I’d done that.”
“We’re all protecting ourselves—you, me, our parents. Even Lan.”
I sigh. I turn my hand over to squeeze his and go back to the potatoes. The room is silent until Darwin begins talking about a movie that we didn’t watch more than ten minutes of, just to make sure it doesn’t get awkward. I grin.
“How’ve you been?” I ask. “Seriously. Don’t give me a sugary answer.”
“I’ve stayed out of her room, just like you demanded,” he answers. “It’s weirdly very difficult. I realized it had become part of my daily routine.”
“Do you really think there’s a message there?”
Erez exhales slowly. “I don’t know. Maybe I just want there to be.
Maybe I can’t accept that she… did that without leaving anything behind.
No explanation. No answer. No goodbye.” His voice cracks on the last two words.
I don’t speak as I let him gather himself.
“I can’t convince myself that there’s not something there that she left behind for me to find.
But I don’t know. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. ”
“What does your gut say?”
Silence passes between us for several minutes. “That she left something, and I need to find it.”
“Then we’ll find it. Stay away until I get home. Then I promise we’ll comb through every single painting until we find what Alice left. Okay?”
“It’s still important for me to stay out, huh?”
“Yes.” I glance at Liam. “I think we’re hardest on ourselves when we feel helpless to change or understand a situation. You’ve punished yourself long enough. Alice’s death isn’t your fault, Erez.”
He closes his eyes and nods. “I know. Logically, I know that.”
“If there’s something there to find, we’ll find it.”
“How long will you look with me?”
“Until we find something or you’re convinced there’s nothing to find.”
His eyes meet mine. “Yeah?”
“Promise.”
He smiles, and there’s no mistaking the relief in his eyes. Or the way his shoulders relax. “Thanks, Zeph.”
“Of course. For the record, I think you’re right.”
“You do?”
“I do. We knew Alice. She loved us. She loved you. I don’t think she’d leave like this without leaving something. I bet she’s super frustrated that you haven’t found it yet. Can you imagine? She’s probably rolling her eyes and stomping her foot, telling you that you’re being a dunce.”
Erez laughs. “I bet you’re right.”
I glance at Matty, curious if Alice is a ghost. Does she follow Erez?
My heart skips a little as I look up and search him out.
He doesn’t hide that he’s been listening.
He meets my eyes and shakes his head, giving me a sad smile.
Though he doesn’t say the words out loud, the shape of his mouth states, ‘she’s not here. ’
I’m surprised at how disappointed I am about that. Then again, if she were here and could just answer questions, that would be far too easy. I hope, wherever she is, that the past she wasn’t able to escape is finally in the past. I hope she’s found peace.
“We’ll find it,” I assure Erez.
Erez nods.
Everyone is quiet for the following several minutes.
That was probably a conversation that should have been left for later, when we were alone and could catch up.
But that’s okay. I need him to know I’m on his side.
I’ll always be on his side. If we have to tear the drywall off the walls and peel the floorboards up in every single room of the house, if we need to turn every piece of furniture over, rip open every cushion and every single pillow until Erez finds what he’s looking for or is convinced there’s nothing there, then that’s what we’re going to do.
Matty shoves me into the booth after a while and wraps his arms around me. He’s careful not to get in the way of peeling potatoes. I rest my head on his and watch as my brother tries not to grin widely.
“You know what?” Matty asks, his voice quiet.
“What?”
“I’m really thankful for this.”
I look at him, trying to see where he’s looking.
“For Erez’s benefit, be more specific.”
Erez rolls his eyes, but his smile grows.
“You. Liam. Darwin. Your families that came to be with us.” He turns his head and presses his lips to my ear to whisper. “I’m thankful that you didn’t make me go back to my room that night.”
I drop the knife and wrap an arm around his waist, turning myself so I can press my mouth to his. “You’re never going back. Understand me?”
His eyes shine. “Yes.”