Chapter 42
The next morning, Kayde wakes me up before leaving again, and I can’t stop the swirl of an oncoming existential crisis. Not when I should be sleeping, not at breakfast, and not when Liza volunteers me to go get the last two kayaks from the boathouse.
Though as I’m dragging them toward the river, it hits me what today is and what I’m about to do.
Suddenly, my emotional turmoil over Kayde and what he is takes a back seat to my fear of the river. I’ve never been good at this, and without Liza to pony me along, I’m terrified of something happening the same way it had two weeks ago.
Which only makes me think about nearly drowning under Shawn’s stupid ass in the pool, and it’s official. This is not my summer to take chances around water, and I’m about to offer myself up to the karma gods yet again.
“Great,” I mutter, my stomach fluttering as I drop the kayaks beside the others. I hadn’t expected this, truth be told. I hadn’t expected the way my stomach would roil with nausea, or how my legs would lock at the thought of getting back on the river in a kayak.
It’s not that big of a deal,I chide myself mentally. The kayak wasn’t even the problem. It had been a fucked up coincidence, and an accident as well. But somehow, my brain doesn’t get the memo that it’ll be fine this time.
It has to be fine this time.
I suck in a breath, then another, and belatedly I realize Liza has said something to me from a few feet away. But I’m too busy staring at the water and trying not to lose it.
“Hey.” Liza touches my arm and I jump, looking at her with wide eyes. “Are you okay?” Her sunglasses reflect my nervous, pinched look, and I look at myself in them and try to smile.
“Yeah, I’m…I’m great.” I’m not doing so great. I can remember quite clearly the pain from the kayak paddle and the feel of literally drowning in the river. No matter what I do, it plays in my head over and over whenever I even look at the kayaks resting by the shore. “Sorry if I don’t seem like it.”
I’m really not great.
Liza studies my face before frowning in sympathy. She steps closer, hand on my arm again, and says, “You can stay here, okay? Daniel, Kayde, and I can handle the kids. Seriously, Summer. It’s no big deal.”
It’s no big deal,is what she says. But that’s not what I hear. If I were a dog, my hackles would be up. As it is, I scuff my foot along the ground under me, hating how the words make me feel. I’m not a coward, or a kid who needs to be coddled. I’ve kayaked multiple times a year, every year, and this cannot be the time that I give up and run back to my cabin with my tail between my legs.
But on the other hand, I can’t deny the anxiety that pulses in my throat, or the way something loosens in me when she gives me the option of staying behind. My mouth opens, and I rush to figure out what I’m even going to say to her, when an arm wraps around my waist, pulling me a step back.
“She’s okay,” Kayde promises, resting his head on my shoulder. “She can do this, Liza.”
Liza looks between us, and I give a wan, hesitant smile. “I’ve totally got this,” I agree, lifting my hands in thumbs up motions. “Can’t keep me out of the water. Not in July.” Though I’d prefer any body of water other than this damn river.
“It’s an option if you want to stay,” Liza tells me firmly, repeating her words. “Or we have an extra double this time, so you can kayak with me if you want.” When Kayde shifts behind me, clearly uncomfortable with her words, Liza’s eyes fall on him and narrow.
“Don’t let your face get stuck like that, Kayde,” Liza says, her voice flat. “She’s been kayaking with me for years now.”
“Only because I wasn’t here,” he’s quick to point out. It’s surprisingly honest, for him. His mask has started to fall around both of them, as I’ve noticed, but neither Kinsley nor Liza seem to mind or be afraid. But then again, can I really be shocked? The two of them have faced down Fink, other counselors, and wild animals without blinking. Kayde probably doesn’t faze them, since they have no idea what he really is. “But I’m here now, so you don’t have to be her boat buddy.” He says it in such a friendly tone of voice that I can’t help rolling my eyes at the act.
Liza doesn’t quite seem to believe him either. “Jealousy isn’t a good look for you.” But she steps back with a quick look at me that has a frown touching my lips.
“She’s right,” I tell Kayde as Liza crosses the shore to talk to the kids. She’s always in charge of kayaking, and gives the kids their list of rules and what not to do in the water. “Jealousy really isn’t cute on that face of yours.” Teasingly, I reach up to hook my fingers around his jaw, and Kayde looks down at me witheringly.
“I’m not jealous.”
“You’re…certainly something.” The distraction is helping my nerves, though not by much, and I try to surreptitiously suck in a deep breath to stop my heart from pounding. Naturally, he notices. Kayde’s brows knit and he gives me a quick, comforting hug before stepping back. Not that I mind. After all, we can’t let the kids think we’re more than middle school-level boyfriend and girlfriend.
“You’re going to be fine,” he promises, and while I watch, grabs the last two-person kayak before dragging it toward the water. I grab a paddle and follow him, my heart jumping to my throat as my feet splash through the shallows.
“That’s a matter of opinion,” I mumble, dragging my feet through the rocks. But Kayde just glances up at me, and though I offer him a sly, flat smile, I certainly don’t feel like I’m going to be fine.
“You first. Let me hold it for you.” Part of me bristles at the idea of being treated like I’m new at this, and I open my mouth to protest, only to stop. Maybe…maybe it isn’t so bad that he wants to make this not so bad for me. Maybe I should let him take over and take charge, instead of being a bitch about the whole thing at every turn.
Maybe I should try to see what it’s like to let him care.
“Okay,” I murmur, pushing away the arguments. There’s a flicker of surprise in his gaze, as if he’s just as shocked at my acquiescence as I am. I scrunch my nose, making a face at him, and follow my own mental step by step instructions to get in the kayak.
It’s significantly easier with him anchoring it. Even Liza hadn’t usually done that, since she’d trusted I could at least get in the damn thing on my own. And I can. I always have. But still.
It’s nice.
The kayak barely moves as Kayde settles, but I still suck in a breath, my stomach rolling. “Wow, okay, this is awful,” I whisper, taking the paddle and laying it across my lap. I can feel myself trembling slightly, and I can only hope it isn’t noticeable to the other occupant of the kayak.
“It’s not awful. You’re fine.” I definitely hadn’t meant for him to hear me, and my shoulders stiffen as I try not to look at him. “Hey.” He presses a hand to my shoulder, then pushes us away from the shore. “You’re okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
The movement is smooth, but abrupt enough that I clench the paddle in my lap and hunch forward, like this really is my first time. “I’m not this bad,” I mutter, half to myself. “Come on, Summer. You really don’t suck this much.”
My anxiety and the nerves tingling in my fingers say otherwise, but at least Kayde doesn’t comment. He just smoothly keeps us in a small area, waiting for Liza to finish helping the last of the campers into their own kayaks. Our job is to corral them, keeping them from starting down the river too soon and helping them stay afloat.
Not that my cabin needs it, I notice with a touch of pride. All my girls know what they’re doing, and move comfortably in this area of the river instead of flailing around or nearly dumping themselves. If only I could do the same.
“You ready to sit back and enjoy the ride?” Kayde hums as Liza shoves her own kayak into the water.
“Is that what I get to do?” I ask, turning to glance over my shoulder at Kayde. “Just take a nap?”
His grin is wolfish, and he dips a quick nod in my direction. “Yeah, sweetheart,” he promises me. “Just lay back and take a nap. No problem.”
While I don’t take a nap on our trip down the river, I’m a lot less stressed than I’d expected to be. Kayde is good at this, though probably not quite as skilled as Liza. Not that I plan on telling him that. But unlike her, he works to make it as non-terrifying to me as possible.
It’s touching, in a way that makes my skin prickle under his constant gaze.
Melody and Lily kayak beside us for most of the trip, and it would take an idiot not to see her admiration for Kayde growing every day.
“Told you this wouldn’t be so bad,” Kayde tells me as we paddle in a small circle near where the kids are carefully, mostly, getting out of their kayaks and pulling them back up onto the shore. “You had a little fun, right?”
Not really. I’d been too busy clenching the paddle the whole time and trying not to hyperventilate. But I make some kind of mutter of agreement, and help him push our kayak as close to the store as we can. I’m out first this time, determined to be somewhat useful, and the moment Kayde’s feet splash in the shallows, I’ve gripped the kayak and started dragging it toward the shore properly. The weight lessens, and I glance behind me to see Kayde picking up the other end of it, his withering gaze back on me like I should know better.
“I may be freaking out, but I’m not an invalid,” I inform him crisply, my eyebrows lifting toward my bangs. “I promise I’m not that delicate.”
“You’re my delicate princess,” Kayde teases. “And I won’t let you just carry this on your own. Be real. Liza would eviscerate me.” I can’t exactly argue with that, I realize, so I don’t try.
A yell catches my attention, though I don’t think much of it considering how close we are to the main part of Camp Crestview. Kids yell and scream and squawk on occasion, and I’ve even had kids do dead-on imitations of a dying moose.
But when the yell comes again, I realize that it’s not a kid.
It’s Kinsley.
My head jerks up and from the corner of my eye, I see Liza pause, turning toward the path back to camp, like she’s recognized Kinsley’s scream as well.
“Kins?” I call, dropping the kayak and striding forward. Trees separate us from the camp, and I see a flurry of movement just before Kinsley comes into view, sprinting toward the river with a pale face, wide eyes, and hands held up like they’re burning.
But Kinsley isn’t on fire.
She’s covered in blood.