Arlo #6
“I know,” I said and left it at that. I understood why no one felt any compassion or sympathy for him, considering he really had tried to kill all of us and had come close with Ward.
At the end of the day, I was unable to hate him for what he had done, and certainly couldn’t hate him for what could have been.
The loss of his sister had been hard on him; actually, I think it was closer to say it had been world-shattering.
I didn’t know what kind of life he had before his sister’s suicide, but I would bet that if I did a bit of digging, I would find a long history of mental and emotional trouble or a lot of abuse.
Life was...messy. It was painful and could break a person as easily as it could build them up.
Perhaps once upon a time, he was someone who could have risen above the loss of his sister, or maybe he had been doomed from the start.
It was a lot like Amelia; she had chosen her path, but what stories could she tell that might illuminate the influences in her life that hadn’t come from those choices?
What if there had been someone for her, like she’d said, I was there for Ward?
Might she have found a way to harden the rock lining her heart, or would she have always been the woman she was?
Or would that sort of kindness and understanding have weakened her, put her at odds with what she believed she should be, to the point that it broke her?
That was the thing about life: you could never predict where it would take you, or how you would react to the things you were put through.
The water that hardened the egg also softened the potato, and there wasn’t much you could do to change it.
Sometimes you were the egg and sometimes you were the potato.
For me, it was important to keep that in mind when dealing with people, if only because you never knew when you would need someone who could look at you with compassion and understanding.
“I’m just glad I didn’t have to take anyone’s life,” I said softly and shrugged.
The hard look on his face softened, and he turned my hand over to trace the lines on my palm. “Even after everything, you’re still trying to find the good, aren’t you?”
“You know as well as I do that people aren’t good or bad.
They’re a mix, all crammed into one mind to deal with the stresses and tribulations of being alive.
I’m glad I didn’t have to kill a man who was just..
.broken. But I would have done it if I had to,” I whispered, closing my eyes.
“There was a moment when I...attacked him. When I got the weapon away from him. Something woke up inside me, and I never want to feel that again, do you understand? It was an ugly, nasty thing that would have convinced me to do all sorts of things in the name of defending my parents, myself...and you. I don’t want to be that person, Ward.
So yes, maybe the only way for me to cope with that feeling and how awful it was is to feel compassion for him, to feel some understanding. ”
“I’m not condemning you,” he said softly. “If anything, I respect the hell out of it. I don’t think I could have done what you did. Not the way you saved us, and not finding it in your heart to be compassionate.”
“Better not to think about it too hard,” I told him with a shrug. “What’s done is done, and we can’t change anything.”
“True,” he said, closing his eyes. “I have to be honest. I’m all for new experiences, but I can’t say I’m a fan of getting shot.”
“Did you forget that I was shot already?”
“What? Oh come on, that doesn’t count, the bullet barely grazed you.”
“It took a chunk out of my arm.”
“Barely.”
I sighed. “I see any sympathy for the damage I took in place of you for all those attempts on your life is overshadowed by the fact that you nearly died.”
“Yeah,” he said with a grin, and then it faltered. “Do you think that would happen to you?”
“What?”
“If you lost a sibling like that, like he did.”
I paused and shook my head. “No, I don’t think I would have gone down the same path Devon did. We don’t know their relationship, but I remembered seeing in the write-up for her that they were twins. That...well—”
“You’re thinking of Moira and Mason.”
“Yes. I asked them once what it would be like if they lost the other in some accident or just...anything. I expected jokes, which I got, but I got serious answers too.”
“What were they?”
“Mason asked me what would happen if you removed the support beams from a building or the keystone from an arch. Moira said that losing a sibling would be like losing a limb, losing her son would be like having her heart ripped from her chest, and losing Mason would be like removing the sun.”
“Huh,” Ward grunted thoughtfully. “And the joke answers?”
“They both said something to the effect that they would finally have peace and quiet.”
Ward laughed. “From what I’ve learned of them, that’s on brand.”
“Yes,” I said fondly. “They’re not happy unless they’re getting on each other’s nerves, but they wouldn’t know what to do if they didn’t have the other in their life.”
Ward smiled, then it turned down a little at the corners.
“I suppose that’s what it’s like, having siblings.
..having a family. Hell, it took me nearly bleeding out on her dining room floor for my mother even to show she cared.
I wonder what it would have been like, growing up with a family like yours. ”
“Well, if it makes any difference, Matilda has been trying to talk Jace and Kayden into playing security for you at the hotel,” I said with a smirk. “And she’s been trying to talk Moira into setting something up that prevents easy access to your floor without violating safety codes.”
“I...really?” he asked, his eyes going wide.
“Oh yes,” I chuckled. “She also said that after you get out of here, you’re required to come to our family dinners from now on. As she put it, anyone who’s willing to get gunned down for the sake of one of her kids is part of the family, whether or not you and I are together.”
“Boy, if I’d known it was that easy to get a family, I might have tried to get shot a long time ago. Though if I’m honest, it’s a miracle I haven’t been shot before.”
“You do have a way with people,” I said.
“I’ve never heard you complain,” he said, and although he was doing a good job of acting like he was pouting, I wasn’t buying it for an instant.
I smirked. “You’ve forgotten someone.”
“I have?” he asked, and then his eyes widened, his mouth falling open. “Holy shit, Will!”
I snorted. “Yes, Will. It seems everyone forgot him. I totally forgot we left him outside to wait for us.”
“God, I’m going to assume he’s safe,” Ward said, rubbing his face. “Christ, I forgot all about him. Do not tell him.”
“It turns out he missed the entire thing.”
“What, how?”
I grinned. “He was sleeping in the back of the limo. He woke up after I’d left with you in the ambulance.”
Ward stared at me. “You’re joking.”
“I am not.”
“We were fighting for our lives, and the whole time he was asleep?”
“Indeed.”
“Never mind, you can tell him I forgot all about him.”
I laughed. “Just say you’re relieved he’s okay and you can give him hell for it later.”
He scowled. “Fine. He’s still a bastard.”
“Of course,” I said and laughed when he gave me a suspicious look.
His expression changed slightly as the seconds passed, and then turned pensive. “But, uh, I heard the entire conversation you had with my mother.”
“I assumed as much,” I said, poking him gently in the stomach. “Brave enough to take a bullet for me but not brave enough to deal with your mother.”
“I’m recovering. I don’t have the energy to deal with her right now,” he said with a scowl, then squeezed my hand. “But I’m guessing from the conversation that you aren’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon.”
“I think that is a safe assumption, yes,” I said with a smile.
“Well, since you’re not going anywhere, how do you feel about lying down here with me real quick?
I still need a rest. At some point, a nurse or doctor is going to realize I’m awake, come in here and start poking and prodding to make sure I’m not going to keel over on them in the middle of the night,” he said, tugging at my hand.
I had no reason to deny him; it was as though I’d been waiting for him to say something.
I lay beside him, careful not to put too much weight on his side or chest as I tried to take up the little space left.
His arm came around my neck so his hand could rest on my chest, his fingers stroking back and forth.
For the first time, since I took the butt of a gun to my face, I felt a sense of contentment.
Actually, now I was paying attention, that contentment had been following me around for a few weeks.
I never thought someone like Ward would bring peace and security to my life, but here we were.
The rich playboy had been seduced by the normal life, and I hadn’t even been trying to do that, and now I was excited for what was to come in our future.
What I had said to his mother had been true, and I had every intention of sticking by him as long as possible, whether that was until we found we couldn’t work together or if death took one of us.
“What an interesting month I’ve had,” he said in a sleepy, thick voice as his fingers began to slow.
I chuckled as I lay my face into his arm and kissed it. “Let’s make the next one a little less interesting, shall we?”
“Deal.”