Chapter 18
MARGOT
The quick shower I took felt fantastic. But the second I got out, I heard the guys bickering.
I didn’t know what they were saying. However, I did hear the frustration in their voice.
The anger. The obstinance. I picked up the clothes I’d kicked into the bathroom with me, ready to get dressed and sit in the room until Bear made it back.
I still had so many questions. I was still confused.
Still afraid. Still wondering what the hell was going to happen from here and what I was going to do about work.
However, when I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head, I saw Sutton sitting on the edge of my bed.
With a very cheeky grin on her cheeks.
“How long have you been there?” I asked.
“For the whole of your shower,” she said.
I nodded slowly as I took my hair down, then tossed the towel back into the bathroom.
The guys had stopped arguing outside the door, but they were still standing there.
Their shadows filled the crack between the door’s bottom and the floor, heavy shadows looming.
It wasn’t until they made their way down the hallway and around the corner that I felt a small weight lift from my shoulders.
While I was curious as to why they were arguing, that didn’t mean I wanted to listen to it.
“Come here. Take a seat with me,” Sutton said.
I sighed, not arguing as I went over and flopped down onto the bed.
It smelled of Bear. Of his cologne and his musk, his strength, and his peace.
I laid down on my back, staring up at the ceiling as my clothes stuck to the water that was still damp on my skin.
How the hell had I gotten into this mess again?
Oh, yeah. My fucking doctor placed a desperate call to me and I decided, “to hell with it. I’m sure this won’t be as bad as she thinks. ”
Great.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Sutton asked.
I sighed. “Well, my feelings for Bear never left. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my residency. And I’ve got no idea if I’m ready to be involved in something I’m already involved in.”
“Bear or the crew?”
“Both?” I asked.
She giggled as she laid down next to me, gazing up at the ceiling fan. We fell silent for a little while and I heard the guys’ voices rise up down the hallway. They were far, far away. But the fact that they could still be heard was unnerving.
Was Bear all right?
Sutton held out her hand, looking over at me as I tilted my head toward hers.
She had this knowing smile on her cheeks, then wiggled her fingers.
Beckoning for my hand. I slipped my hand against her palm and she rested our entanglement against the sheets.
And all the while she smiled at me. Like she was in on some sort of secret that would magically make all this better.
I wish she’d go ahead and spit it out if she was.
“You know, I grew up on this kind of mess,” she said.
I nodded slowly. “That’s right. Your father’s—”
“You know, Cage thought he’d killed my father.”
I paused. “Your father’s supposed to be dead?”
“You don’t remember that part, do you?”
“How about you start at the beginning. Just in case I’m missing anything else.”
She giggled. “Yeah, a nice recap to settle our souls is just what we need.”
I laughed softly with her before I heaved a heavy sigh.
“Look, my father runs his own ring that we know is tied to the mafia. He runs his own band of goons that loots casinos, skims off the top of them, then reinvests into his own casinos without ever getting caught because that’s what my father does.
He’s an arrogant, psychotic asshole who will stop at nothing to destroy those who come in between him and his money and don’t show loyalty to him if he treats them well.
And that includes me. But, all that to say, I grew up in this mess.
I grew up watching my father walk through the front doors of our mansion while wiping blood off his hands.
I grew up watching my father burn suits and shoes and belts in our backyard to get rid of evidence.
I grew up listening to my father talk about ‘business meetings’ and ‘private sessions’ and ‘monetary exchanges’ knowing damn good and well that meant someone was going to die, and I did nothing about it. ”
“Sutton, none of that is your fault,” I said.
“I know it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t play a complacent role in things my father did.
I told myself he did all of it to provide for me.
A single father, trying to make his way in the world and do the best he could by me.
But that isn’t the case at all. At least, not anymore.
For the longest time, I tried to justify the good in my father.
Because I wanted so badly for my father to turn out to be a good guy.
He’s not, though. He’s a raging psychopath who has a hard-on for dead bodies, and he’ll stop at nothing to eliminate anyone who can incriminate him in his crimes. ”
“Including you,” I said.
She nodded slowly. “But there was a time when I wasn’t used to all this.
A time when things like this did shock me.
Did scare me. Did take me aback. I know how you feel right now, Margot.
I know how overwhelmed you feel and how worried you are right now.
And I want you to know that there’s one massive difference between this crew and how I grew up. ”
“None of them have hard-ons for dead bodies?”
She giggled. “I don’t know. Not sure about Diesel sometimes.”
I snickered before the two of us giggled again.
“But seriously. The big difference between how I grew up and this crew is the fact that they sit on the good side. They sit in the light. It might not feel like that sometimes, but after growing up in the dark? It’s painfully obvious to me.
This crew is made up of good men. Weird men.
Sometimes crazy men. But, good men. All of them.
They might be damaged, and they might be self-sacrificial, and some of them might have a tried and true death wish. But they’re good, Margot,” Sutton said.
“How are you feeling with all this? Knowing your father is still alive and chasing you guys into hiding like this?” I asked.
She squeezed my hand before she let go, and I turned onto my side. I propped my hand underneath my head, holding it up as she stared at the ceiling.
“Every night, I dream. I relive things, like the first time my father and I ever fought. Or, the first time he came home with that dead look in his eye. Or, the first time I ever heard him slaughter someone in his office right there on the ground floor of our home,” she said.
“I’m so sorry,” I said softly.
“And every time I wake up, I’m exposed to the monster he really is.
The monster Cage tried so hard to get me to see for months.
It kills me inside, knowing I defended him for so long.
Knowing I was only a few strides away from fully contaminating myself with the disgusting essence that was his life. ”
“Does that make you view this life differently? Does it make you resent what’s happening at all?”
She shook her head. “Not one damn bit. I love Cage with all my heart. With all my soul. And I know damn good and well that man would do anything to protect me. No matter what, he’d never betray me.
He always believes the best of me. And he always has what’s best for me at the forefront of his mind.
I couldn't have asked for a better man to come into my world. And from all of this, we’ve only gotten stronger. ”
She looked over at me and there was a telling look in her eye. A look that told me I’d soon know how she felt. What she felt.
Which made me shake my head.
“I’m not this strong. I can’t do something like this,” I said.
“It’s not about doing. It’s about supporting.
I support Cage and what he does and the lifestyle he’s chosen because I know he’s a good man.
Because I know he means well, and I know he does what he does to protect me and the guys.
Their decisions of the past don’t matter to me.
And even if they were living that kind of lifestyle today, it still wouldn't matter.”
“It wouldn't to you?” I asked.
“A lot of things you think are important now start to not matter when you love someone.”
“You mean, like the basic law of the land?”
She laughed. “The only way I can describe it is like this: after growing up underneath the wing of an actual criminal—an actual psychopath—I find myself lucky to have fallen in love with such a normal, respectable, strong, incredible man. One who wants what’s best for me instead of constantly wanting to put a bullet in my head. ”
“I suppose that would make a massive difference in how you see things.”
“And it will for you, eventually.”
“I mean, my father isn’t a criminal,” I said.
“I mean the ‘love’ part,” she said, smiling.
I rolled my eyes as I pushed myself out of bed, but I still didn’t feel secure in the pit of my gut. I still felt vulnerable. I still felt as if I lacked something I needed to not be lacking.
“I’m scared, Sutton,” I said softly.
“Have you ever shot a gun?” she asked.
I shook my head, and it prompted her to get out of bed.
“Okay, that’s the first thing we’re remedying. I think if you know how to use the firearms we’ve got strewn throughout this place, it’ll help build your confidence a bit,” she said.
“Shouldn’t we stay in here until the guys are done talking?” I asked.
“Trust me, I’ve seen those men talk for hours whenever they’re in meetings like this. Trust it, it’ll be fine. There’s shooting targets set up off to the side that the girls and I created so we could practice our own shooting. Our own aim. It’s time you had some lessons of your own.”
“All right, then. Lead the way.”