Chapter 3
RYKER
“Here. Take this.”
Knox’s voice filled my ears as I leaned up from the railing.
With strings of spit trailing from my mouth, I reached around for whatever the hell he was handing me.
The water bottle fell against my palm and I brought it around.
I filled my mouth, swishing and spitting as I rid it of that awful taste.
I hated throwing up. Hell, I hated being sick in the first damn place.
I stood up, trying to get my feet underneath me as I went from swishing to chugging.
I drained that water bottle. I felt parched for breath. For life. For air.
My sweet baby girl was in the hands of that monster.
And I was a shit father for allowing it to happen.
I crumpled the plastic bottle in my hands and tossed it back to Knox.
And after a thankful nod, my eyes looked around.
The rest of the guys stepped out onto the porch, surrounding me.
Waiting for story time, so to speak. I leaned against the railing as I tried to get my bearings.
I had no fucking idea where to even start this story.
Because every place I chose required me to back up and tell even more backstory.
“Just start at the beginning,” Diesel said softly.
I sighed. “We’ll be here a while.”
“We got time,” Knox said.
“My daughter doesn’t,” I snapped.
“Then, get talking,” Grave said.
I drew in a deep breath. “I lost my virginity when I was thirteen. I was reckless. Angry. My father was an abusive shit, and I saw my mother busted up more than I saw her healthy and happy. Sex was my release. My escape from all that… shit.”
“Fair enough,” Bear said.
“One-night stands were my thing. And when I was sixteen and practically flunking out of high school anyway, there was a knock at the door one morning. I was the only one up. Dad was passed out drunk on the couch and Mom was upstairs nursing her newest wounds. I open the door, and there’s this kid.
This little girl. Wrapped up in blankets, lying in a car seat with nothing. Just… just nothing.”
“You know who the mom is?” Toxin asked.
“Yep. I mean, I kind of remembered her. Wild red hair. A little minx in bed. Complete and total trash, that girl. But a decent-enough lay. And here was this little girl, with my hazel eyes and that same fiery red hair. Crying and screaming for food.”
“You said sixteen?” Brewer asked.
I nodded, getting frustrated with their questions. “Yep. I ended up dropping out of high school in order to take dead end jobs to provide for her. Get her shit she needed. Like food and clothes.”
“How did your dad take that?” Diesel asked.
“Not well. He was pissed, like always. Took his anger out on me and my mom, like always,” I said.
“That how you got the scar on your face?” Grave asked.
“Do you guys want to hear this fucking story or keep asking me bullshit questions?” I snapped.
And when everyone fell silent, I drew in another deep breath.
“I haven’t seen the girl since that night we fucked at some party.
I don’t know, I was drunk. To this day, I barely remember that night.
My best friend from school, Lyle, was a massive help.
Night jobs were all I could find, mostly.
So, he babysat at seventeen and eighteen years old in exchange for me doing his chores around the house for him.
Simple as that, when you’re a fucking kid. He watched Ariel—”
“That your daughter’s name?” Saint asked.
I slowly panned my eyes over to him. “Yes. It is.”
“Cute, with the red hair,” Rock said.
“All of you shut up or go the hell inside,” I glowered.
“He’s right. Let him get through his story,” Diesel said.
I shot him a thankful look before I leaned heavily against the railing. Because telling this damn story always ripped the energy from my bones.
“I got the scar on my face when I was younger.
Before Ariel came along. I got a C-minus in one of my classes in school, and he took a damn crowbar to my face.
My father was a mean son of a bitch. And I watched my mother throw herself into the line of fire for me one too many times.
When he started coming around Ariel, I knew I had to get her out of there.
I mean, being drunk and incoherent is one thing.
But I didn't like the way his eyes lingered on her.
I didn't like the way he leered at her. There was just something off about it, so I left. Packed up the shit I had bought her, the shit I had of my own, and left. Lyle helped me get set up in this rundown piece of shit apartment. He kept letting me drop Ariel off at night so I could work all sorts of jobs. And finally, I came into a very well-paying job,” I said.
“Doing what?” Rock asked.
“Cleaning up crime scenes for some criminal in town. I’d report to him during the weeknights.
I had weekends off. And even if he called me in during the weekends, I got paid time and a half for the job.
I pulled easily three thousand a week. Enough to get Ariel and myself out of that shithole apartment complex and into a safer part of town,” I said.
“What happened to your parents?” Bear asked.
“They died. I tried to get Mom to come with me when I first moved out.
Then, again after I moved into that better place.
But she wouldn't. She refused to leave my father, and I figured that was her choice. I told her she couldn't babysit Ariel unless she left him. That Lyle would continue watching her until she made better choices with her life. But that didn’t work. I was called in one weekend to clean up a crime scene for time and a half, and he handed me my childhood address.”
“Fucking hell,” Brewer sighed.
“Your boss killed your parents,” Diesel said.
I nodded slowly. “Don’t know what they did and didn’t care enough to look it up. They made their bed, so they laid in it. Pools of blood and all. It hurt for a bit. Then, it was just another job I got paid for in order to provide for Ariel. Pay Lyle money for watching her and shit like that.”
“Does she still stay with Lyle?” Toxin asked.
At least they’re asking good questions now.
“Yes. She does. We started that trend when she was a baby, and it just stuck. Especially after Knox found me scrounging around in dumpsters. When money was tight, I ate out of trash cans in order to keep putting fresh food on the table for my baby girl. To keep paying Lyle and all that. Eventually, Lyle got his own job. His own place. He’s a mechanic and pulls at least 60k a year.
That’s her uncle. The only family she knows.
And whenever I’m with you guys, she’s with him.
I figured she’d be much safer with a mechanic who’s essentially trying to live off the grid one day and knows how to wield guns than stuck in a place like this with me and a bunch of other guys and kids she doesn’t know. Ariel’s skittish like that.”
Tears cut off my ability to speak.
“How long has she been gone? How long have you been dealing with this on your own?” Diesel asked.
I shrugged. “Couple weeks. When Lyle contacted me and told me she wasn’t in her room one morning, I rushed over there.
Ariel’s prone to running away. She’s a hothead, like me.
Always angry. Always on her guard. And for good reason.
She hasn’t led an easy life. I mean, I’m her father, but I’m not a good one. ”
“You sound like a good one to me,” Saint said.
I shrugged. “Well, I’m not. Lyle’s raised her more than I have. I should’ve given the damn girl up for adoption when she got dumped onto my doorstep. I still don’t know why I didn’t.”
“Because she’s your daughter. And there’s a bond there not many will ever experience,” Grave said.
“Doesn’t matter, though. She runs away every chance she gets.
Every time she gets angry and doesn’t want to confront shit.
First time it happened; she wasn’t even seven.
Or maybe she’d just turned seven. I can’t fucking remember.
Either way, Lyle and I thought she’d run away again.
He called the police and they’ve been looking for her.
And all this time, I’ve been telling myself she’ll turn up.
Like she always does. She’ll come home, like she always does.
When I should’ve been out there searching for my damn daughter my own fucking self. ”
I raked my hands through my hair. The guilt was too much.
Father of the year. That was me. The fucking man who stayed with his crew to battle through shit rather than getting out there with the police and searching for his own flesh and blood.
It made me sick. I turned around, leaning back over the railing.
And as I heaved that water back up, a hand came down onto my back.
“Get it up, man,” Cage said.
“My poor girl,” I said breathlessly.
“We’ll find her. We’ll get her back, just like we got my son back,” Saint said.
“I should've been out there. Not with you guys,” I said through my heaves.
“You were put in an impossible situation. We all thought this would’ve been resolved by now. You put her with someone you trusted. Someone who loved her. You've provided for her. Given her everything she needs. You're a good dad, Ryker,” Diesel said.
I shot up, pushing Cage away. “I’m a shit father!”
My nostrils flared with anger as spit dripped down my chin.
“I’m a shit fucking father, just like my own father.
I should’ve been out there, you guys. I should’ve been leading the fucking cavalry that searched for my daughter.
And what was I doing? Putzing around with you guys?
Being bossed around while we kept getting pushed back into the fucking trenches?
My daughter’s been taken, and I haven’t even hit the fucking streets to look for her! ”
I yelled so forcefully my vision dimmed.
My head swam. I stumbled back into the railing, feeling myself teeter over.
Someone wrapped their hands in my leather jacket.
They pulled me back to my feet as I wiped at the spit dripping down my neck.
My eyes felt hot. My heart slammed against my chest. I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't see straight.
“I fucking thought she ran away,” I whispered.
Someone wiped at my face and it ripped me from my panicked trance. I looked into Rock’s eyes before shoving him away. I shrugged my shoulders, righting my leather jacket on my shoulders. And then, I felt it.
Fucking tears trickled down my skin.
I turned around and wiped at them until my skin was dry.
I smoothed my hands down my jeans, getting rid of the wet sensation.
No crying. I hated crying. Crying was beneath a man like myself.
I had to stay strong. I had to keep a straight face.
A straight mind. I had to give myself time to think clearly enough in order to figure out how the hell to save my daughter.
Before I figured out how the hell to save our relationship.
“The only way to get Ariel back is to do what Lars wants,” Diesel said.
I whipped around. “Say what now?”
“The meeting he mentioned. If we want to see Ariel again, I need to go to that meeting.”
“We need to figure this out first. Because you know damn good and well it’s a trap,” Grave said.
“I’m sorry, but I’m with him on this one. You know he’s got something set up for you,” Knox said.
“And there’s a small, innocent girl at stake here,” Diesel said.
“Does anyone else have any fucking secret families we should know about!? Because it’s throwing wrenches into our plans!” Toxin exclaimed.
I lunged for him, my vision dripping with red.
Knox leapt in front of me and Diesel fisted my jacket from behind.
But it wasn’t enough. I exploded. I yelled obscenities at that fucking asshole as I charged him.
It took Rock, Knox, Diesel, and Saint to hold me back.
To keep me from pounding that sarcastic little nutjob into the fucking porch.
“Stop it. We need a plan. Settle the fuck down, Ryker,” Diesel snapped.
“I want that fucker out of my sight. I can’t stand him. Never have. Get Toxin out of here!” I roared.
“I’m as much a part of this crew as you are,” Toxin spat.
“Settle down, or you’re the one being removed from the damn porch,” Knox said.
I drew in some deep breaths as I locked my eyes with Toxin.
He was dead. The second we found my daughter; I’d wrap my hands around that fucker’s throat and shake him until his eyes rolled back.
I never could stand him and those jokes of his.
He reminded me too much of my own father.
Sarcastic, an absolute dickhead, and didn't give a shit about those around him. He was selfish. Sociopathic. And I sure as hell didn’t want him in this fucking group.
“I’m coming for you,” I growled.
Toxin blew me a kiss as they pinned me to the railing.
“Cut it out, or I’m removing you myself,” Bear murmured to him.
“Thank you. Finally!” I exclaimed.
“Stop it! Right now!” Diesel roared.
He slammed me against one of the porch railings, which snapped me from my angry haze.
I looked into the angry eyes of our president, who had me by the collar of my leather jacket.
His nostrils flared. His eyes danced between mine.
I settled back down as the anger receded back into the pit of my gut.
Then, Grave cleared his throat.
“If you go alone to this meeting with Lars, he’ll kill you.”
“Which is why we need a plan,” Knox said.
“I’ll leave it up to Ryker. It’s his girl on the line,” Diesel said.
And as I stared blankly at our president, I racked my brain for the right answer.
Was there a right answer? Was there a “good father” answer?
No. Because I’d blown past the idea of “good father” a long time ago.
I’d never be the parent Ariel needed because I’d been selfish in the first place.
I thought keeping an innocent child and raising her on my own somehow absolved the sins of my past. I kept her for a selfish reason, and now she’d pay for it.
Because I was an asshole.
“We take one beat to figure this out. To come up with a plan. But come tomorrow? We move on whatever plan we’ve got,” I said.
And with a curt nod, Diesel released my jacket.
“You heard the man. Let’s get to work.”