29 #3
It slipped out before I could stop it. I pulled back, about to apologize, but his expression didn’t change. His appearance wavered between the ten-year-old boy he’d been, and how he’d look if he was alive—only his eyes held decades of pain.
“I didn’t leave you, silly,” he said. “I was taken from you. There’s a difference.”
“You’re still gone,” the words came out like a sob.
I took a step back. I needed to get away from whatever the fuck this was. My body suddenly weighed a million pounds and my shoulders sagged.
“I’m so tired, Cole.” The admission cost me. Tears streaked from my eyes, and panic clutched at my chest. I was unmoored, broken, close to losing whatever remained of my grip on reality.
“Don’t give up yet, Em.” Cole flashed that dimpled smile, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
A laugh broke through, harsh and raw. “I hate going through this life without you.”
“I’m always with you.” He took my hand in his and pulled me toward the lake that was suddenly shimmering in the background. Our lake. The lake at the lake house. I frantically looked around for the house, but the landscape warped and twisted and made it impossible to see properly.
“Come on, Em!” Cole was ten again. He took off at a sprint toward the dock. “I bet I can catch a bigger fish than you!”
“Cole, wait!” Panic seized me at the loss of his hand in mine.
I tried to run toward the dock, but my feet were heavy, and dragged across the short grass. Each step was monumental, and the closer I got to the dock, the more overcast the sky became.
Everything glitched and I was suddenly standing on the dock. Something slimy was in my hand. I looked down—I held a fish. The lake was dark, ominous and choppy, and the little boat that Dad and I had taken out that day butted up gently against the wood.
Cole stood next to me. “I think you won,” he said. “But, that’s okay—I’ll race you to the house!”
He took off, back the way we’d come, up the soft slope. Fear tore through me. Not the house. Bad men were coming to the house.
“Wait,” I reached out to stop him. My fingers brushed the fabric of his shirt.
“Come on! Mom made spaghetti!”
I lurched after him. I couldn’t let him reach the house. Bad things happened in the house.
“And then later, Dad can read to us!” Cole’s voice drifted across the yard.
The wind had picked up, and the clouds threw the world into shades of grey. It wasn’t like that day—that day had been sunny and bright—so bright. Maybe, this would be different—
Even as I thought it, I knew that was stupid.
Cole disappeared into the house and the moment the door slammed, the heavens opened and rain pounded down from the sky. I could run easier now, and I raced up the steps and yanked on the door.
It wouldn’t open.
“Cole!” I yelled to be heard over the rain. “Cole! Let me in!”
I pounded on the wood. “This isn’t funny! Open the door, Cole!”
I could hear the murmur of voices. Then gunshots.
“Cole! Dad!” I screamed. “Mom! Cole! Open the door!”
I slammed my fist into the wood, my pleas turned to gasps—my gasps to sobs—and still the door wouldn’t open.
Screams from inside the house made my blood run cold.
I couldn’t get to them. I had to get to them.
The windows were glazed over, like someone had put a privacy film over them, and although I tried to slam my fist to break through, they didn’t even splinter.
I was frantic. I couldn’t breathe. My family was in there. Why was I out here? Why was I alone?
The screaming intensified, loud even over the thundering storm that ripped through the trees and mercilessly pounded the ground.
The scene glitched—
I was on the lawn. The house was burning.
When did it catch fire?
Did they get out?
No, of course they didn’t.
Why was I out here?
I saw a body lying in the mud.
Cole.
I rushed to him and threw myself down at his side. My hands grabbed him, but he was cold. So cold.
Blood pooled under him. It seeped out and coated my knees.
“Cole! Cole—” I sobbed.
His face was distorted. I couldn’t see his eyes. I needed to see his eyes. Why couldn’t I see his face?
“Cole, please—I can’t do this without you!”
I clutched his body against my chest, buried my face in his neck. Iron flooded my mouth. The rain wasn’t rain anymore—it was blood.
My vision ran red—
I threw back my head and screamed, and screamed and screamed—
Everything dissolved.
“No, no—come back—don’t leave me—”
The scent of the smoke vanished. The trees disappeared.
The crisp cold of the forest dissolved into the damp cold of the stone cell.
Mahoney’s voice came from somewhere nearby.
“Again.”
Everything was burning.
“I’m sorry—I love you—”
Blood ran down my face.
“Look at my fish, Emy!”
The pine scent clung to my senses.
“Dinner’s ready!”
Hours, or maybe days later—frigid water splashed over my naked body as I lay on the stones.
The dim flickering shadows the lanterns cast hid the ghosts that lurked in the corners.
I don’t know how many times I’d come in and out of my nightmares.
Even though I knew none of it was real, it still shattered my composure.
I’d spent years on the walls I’d built, and it all had been torn to shreds like they were nothing but tissue paper.
I thought I was still sobbing, but the tremors that wracked my body could have been for any number of reasons. I curled in on myself and buried my face in my arms. There were people in the room, but I couldn’t hear what they said.
Was this even real?
A boot nudged me, lightly at first, then harder.
A dark rage gripped me and I reacted without thought.
I lunged for whoever it was, my vision blurred from tears, water and clammy sweat.
Two lethal hits of my fists stole his breath away.
I attacked him like the demons in my mind demanded and with no weapon in reach, I clamped my jaw shut on his carotid instead.
I ripped his life from him like a wild animal.
Predatory instinct warred with the rage and grief of a disconnected reality, and any semblance of control over myself was gone.
Copper assaulted my senses as the man’s life blood flooded my mouth.
My ears rang, and stopped me from hearing what was being yelled, but shouts echoed around the space enough that I felt them vibrate through me.
Additional hands grabbed me, but a low growl made them retreat.
Until the painful lock of electricity once more sent my mind careening back into blackness, and everything fell away.