Chapter 36 #2
I glance at the sonogram of my baby … not ours, mine. And even though it’s half Enrique, I already love him or her with every part of my being and will do anything to protect them.
“Thank you,” I choke out, needing to get out of here.
My panic attack is in full swing, and it’s hard to breathe, to speak, to think.
Somehow, I manage to get changed back into my clothes, make an appointment for next month, and accept my pregnancy gifts, including free samples of prenatal vitamins—something I haven’t been taking because I had no idea that I was pregnant.
When I step outside, I’m met with my guards—Ian and George. They must notice I’m losing my shit because they both frown and step forward, but I put my hand up.
“I know I can’t go anywhere without you,” I cry. “But I … I just need a minute, please.”
They nod in understanding and follow me out of the doctor’s office and into the elevator. Once I’m outside, I glance around, unsure where to go from here.
The warm breeze picks up, and the salty air permeates my senses. So, I follow it across the street so I can walk along the water and think.
I’m almost sixteen weeks pregnant.
I pull the sonogram out of the bag of stuff I’m still carrying and find a seat on a bench. I set the bag next to me and stare at the picture for several minutes as I consider what this means.
There’s a tiny, helpless, innocent baby growing inside of me.
Half me and half Enrique.
Liquid emotion fills my lids and then splatters onto the paper, blurring the image and my vision, as my conversations with Matteo replay in my head.
He told me several times he didn’t want babies.
But he changed his mind.
“That was before you. I told you I want everything with you, including you swollen with my babies.”
Will he still feel that way when he finds out that the baby I’m carrying, the baby who’s growing in my belly, isn’t his?
“Would you want a little one … half you and half me?”
No matter what I do, this baby will never be half Matteo, but that doesn’t stop me from loving them any less.
As I sit on the bench, sobs racking my body, I wonder what my future will look like. For a moment, I thought I was about to have it all—the man I love, a baby for us to dote on, a life filled with happiness. But now, there’s a chance I’m going to have it taken away.
I cradle my belly, knowing there’s a baby growing in there, and cry for everything I wanted, but might not get to have.
“I love you,” I tell my baby, rubbing my stomach and hoping they can feel the love pouring out of me.
I should probably feel some sort of way, knowing that the baby is part Enrique, but it doesn’t change the way my heart feels.
This baby is innocent, and I’ll protect them and love them with every fiber of my being every day for the rest of my life.
I’ll be the best mom there is, and they’ll never know any different.
“I love you,” I say again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
I glance up and gasp, unaware that anyone was near me, and find Matteo looking at me with concern etched on his features.
“What are you doing here?” I breathe out, glancing at my guards.
“When you didn’t show up for your dress fitting, Bri called me, concerned.”
Shit! I forgot about my dress fitting.
Matteo has a seat. “I tracked your location. Ian said you were safe, refusing to give me any more details. Apparently, you’ve earned their loyalty.
” He smirks, but it’s lacking the playfulness it usually has.
“But that didn’t stop me from coming to see you for myself.
And I’m glad I did because, Sweetness, you’re looking a little rough. Beautiful but rough.”
His sweet, caring nature causes me to choke up once again, and tears slide down my face as I try—and fail—to imagine what my life would be like without Matteo in it. I only just got him, and now, I might lose him. The thought painfully squeezes my heart.
“Hey,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
I choke out another sob and nestle my face into his chest, inhaling his masculine scent.
“Talk to—” His words are cut off, and when I look up, I see why. The sonogram picture is still on my lap. “Dani,” he says, so much hope laced in that one word, “are you pregnant?”
Because I can’t speak past the lump of emotion clogging my throat, I nod.
Matteo laughs—the sound heartbreakingly beautiful—and then he drops to the ground, kneeling in front of me so he’s level with my belly.
“You’re pregnant?” he says again, his voice filled with awe. “We’re having a baby?”
He tilts my chin, and I meet his gaze, trying to blink away all the tears, but it’s no use.
“Sweetness,” he coos, “why are you crying? I thought this is what you wanted … what we wanted.” And then his smile drops. “Is something wrong with the baby?”
The immediate concern in his tone only makes me cry harder because I know Matteo would’ve been the best damn dad to our baby.
“The baby is perfect,” I whisper. “But …” More sobs rack my body, and I wish I didn’t have to say the next words, but I know I have to. “The baby isn’t yours.”
My cries get louder as my heart tears in two.
“Dani,” Matteo says, confusion in his tone, “I know damn well you would never cheat on me, so you’re going to have to explain what you mean by that.”
My cries turn into hiccups, and I have trouble breathing. He sits next to me, pulls me into his lap, and rocks me gently, which only causes my crying to strengthen, reminding me that no matter what I do or say, he’ll never be my baby’s father—and what a devastating thought that is.
When I’m finally calm enough to speak, I look him in the eyes—because he deserves that—and take a deep breath, mentally preparing to destroy him.
“The baby isn’t yours because he or she is Enrique’s.
I’m fifteen and a half weeks along. Due February 15.
” I release a harsh breath. “I’m sorry,” I tell him lamely.
“I’m having another man’s baby. I know that probably changes everything.
You wanted a baby that was part me and part you, and, well, fate had other plans. ”
A mirthless laugh escapes me. I still can’t fathom how this is real. “And maybe I shouldn’t want the baby. I mean, there’s a chance he or she was conceived when I was …” I can’t finish my sentence, but we both know what I’m referring to—Enrique raping me. “But I already love my baby.”
Sobs pour out of me, and I don’t know what else to say. This is all so unfair. This should’ve been a happy moment between two people in love. Instead, it’s filled with heartbreak.
When Matteo doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with a mixture of pain and devastation, I nod once, suck back my sob, and start to climb off him.
But before I can get far, he tightens his hold on me.
“So, you’ve just made the decision yourself?
You’ve decided that I’m not the father. No conversation to be had.
What are your plans? You’re going to end our engagement and move out, raise the baby by yourself? Am I not good enough to be the father?”
“What?” I shake my head, completely lost by his train of thought. “Of course you’re good enough to be the dad! You would be the best damn dad! But that’s not how it works. I can’t snap my fingers and make you the dad,” I cry. “If I could, I would.”
“Do you love this baby?” he asks, lowering his hand to my belly. “Despite the baby sharing DNA with Enrique, do you still love him or her?”
“Of course!” I hiss. “I don’t care how they were conceived. The moment I knew the baby existed, I loved them. And I’m going to love them every day for the rest of my life.”
“Do you understand how much I love you?” Matteo says, framing my face with his strong hands.
“You have quickly become my entire world. You’re the breath of fresh air I didn’t know I needed.
Every morning, I wake up and thank whatever god there is that they brought you to me.
I think about you all day. Your smiles, your laughter …
they fill my dark world with light. And at night, I look forward to watching those stupid vampire shows with you, reading to you, cooking with you, or making love to you. ”
He looks at me with glassy eyes, and my heart clenches in my chest.
“You are the best part of me, Dani. My best friend. You own my heart and soul. And if you think that I wouldn’t or couldn’t love a baby that’s part you, then you don’t know me at all.”
His last words come out hoarse, and a single tear glides down his cheek. I feel him starting to lift me, but I tighten my legs around him.
“I’m sorry. I was freaking out, and all I could think about was that you didn’t want kids, and then when you said you did, you kept saying half you and half me, and when she told me I was pregnant and I realized it was impossible for the baby to be half you, I was so devastated because I knew you’d make a wonderful father, or I wouldn’t have wanted to have kids with you. ”
“DNA doesn’t mean jack shit,” Matteo spits. “Andrey and I shared DNA, yet I was closer to Lucian and your dad. I might have half of Andrey’s DNA, but I’m nothing like him.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I’m so emotional and scared and shocked.” A fresh round of sobs escapes me, and I shake my head. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore …”
“Stop doing that,” he demands firmly yet gently.
“Stop trying to give me a damn out. I love you, and I want to be with you, and unless you tell me otherwise, in three days, I’m going to marry you.
” His hand goes back to my stomach, and butterflies erupt inside me.
“And as far as I’m concerned, this baby is half you and half me.
Fuck what the DNA says. He’s going to be so damn loved by both of us, and he’ll never know any different. ”
His admission causes me to start crying all over again as I wrap my arms around his neck and nuzzle my face against his chest.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “Thank you for loving me and this baby.”
“You never have to thank me,” he says. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And loving this baby is just as easy because he or she is a part of you, Dani, and I love every fucking part of you.”