14
lotus
AFTERWARDS, I WANT to give up the stun gun, but they all make me keep it. Just in case, they say.
Arrow recovers, and then he won’t touch me. He sits on one of the beds alone, tracing a pattern on the bedspread, and he says that it was like he was activated, like whatever it was that Dr. Acker did to his brain came back online.
Striker makes a wounded noise, and I think I know what that means. That’s why he didn’t stop it. That’s why I had to stun Arrow, why neither of my alphas stepped up. Because whatever Acker did to all of their brains came back online. They were all trying to kill me in that moment.
They didn’t come for me, because it looked like Arrow had it all under control.
“But,” says Knight, who’s standing over the other bed, which is where I’m sitting, “you did fuck her, though. That means something.”
“Yeah,” says Arrow, giving us all a hollow sort of smile, one that makes his features look haggard. “I remembered some things.”
“Oh, yeah?” says Striker. “Like what?”
“Like the fact I used to be a police detective,” says Arrow to the bedspread. He can’t look at me. “And here I am, raping this omega.”
“It wasn’t—” I stop talking, because yes, it was. Now, I want to cry, though. I put both of my hands over my head and concentrate on breathing.
“Raping my own omega,” says Arrow, his voice raw and tired. “We can’t be trusted around her, not if we can be activated like that at any time.”
“Well, who’s to say what the activation is,” says Knight. “It was probably just because she said that stuff that Acker used to say. And no one will ever say that stuff to us again, especially not Lotus. I fully own this, you guys. It was my idea, and it was a very bad idea.”
“What if it was the stun gun?” says Striker.
“We have to let her keep it!” says Knight.
“Oh, definitely,” says Arrow.
“Agreed,” says Striker.
Now, they are all looking at me with worried expressions on their faces.
I sit up, lowering my hands, looking at Knight. All along, he’s been sure that he won’t hurt me, but now, he seems different.
Knight pulls his gaze away from me to look at Arrow. “Wait, you’re a fucking cop?”
“Took you a minute to register that,” says Arrow, laughing. “Yeah, it all makes sense now, why I’m good at hunting things down, why I’m good at looking at details, why I can figure out what the details add up to. I used to work in robbery. I recovered all kinds of things for people. I was good at it. I think it’s something about being an alpha, actually. Some latent instinct, maybe for hunting for food or… I don’t know. Anyway, I remember that mafia family you’re talking about.”
“You do, huh?” says Knight. He shakes his head. “So, we’re literally enemies, dude.”
Arrow sighs. He shakes his head. “Not anymore. Now, we’re pack.”
“It’s why you knew all about the procedure for stolen cars,” says Striker.
“Guess so,” says Arrow.
“And are you fixed now?” says Knight. “Can you get hard now?”
Arrow shakes his head. “I don’t… I’m so ashamed of myself for what I did to you, Lotus, and I just felt out of control and—”
“Go see,” says Knight, gesturing with his head for me to go to Arrow.
“No,” says Arrow. “Don’t do that to her.”
“It’s okay,” I say, getting up from the bed. “It’s okay.”
“That’s the thing, it’s not,” says Arrow. “And I would do anything to protect you, Lotus. If it means killing my damned self, because I’m the danger to you—”
“Don’t say things like that,” I say. I sit down next to him. I search his gaze. “Apologize, alpha.” Something in my voice is different when I say it. There’s a quiet authority to it, and some part of me understands that he must obey me.
It’s like when Knight orders me around, somehow. We have power over each other, it seems. It’s not just their power over me, I have something over them. It’s reciprocal.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes. “You have no idea how sorry I am. If it’s within my power, I will never do anything to hurt you, never again.”
“I know you won’t,” I say, and I put a hand on his upper thigh. “Can you get hard for me, alpha? Get hard for your omega? Give me what I need?” I scoot my hand gently over the expanse of his thigh. The closer I get to his thigh, the faster and noisier his breaths are.
When I touch him, he’s sort of half-mast. I wrap my hand around him encouragingly. “Need this, alpha,” I say to him.
His cock slowly gets harder as I stroke it. He groans.
I smile at him. “There. It’s working.”
“What about his knot?” says Knight.
There’s no knot. I can feel that he’s just got a regular erection, and I stroke it harder. “I need your knot, too, alpha.”
Arrow shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I can.”
“Sure, you can,” I say, my voice soothing.
“Not like that,” says Arrow tightly. “Don’t talk like that.”
I let go of him, feeling dirty. I don’t want to be anything like Dr. Acker, so if talking in a soothing voice makes them think of her…
Well, I don’t see how this is ever going to work. I can’t live my life in fear of them getting triggered like that and going crazy on me, that’s for sure.
I get up off the bed and hug myself. Knight reaches for me, to comfort me, but I glare at him, shaking my head.
“I know where we can go,” says Arrow.
“What?” says Striker.
“I remember my old life,” says Arrow. “And I know where we can go. My family has a house on the Jersey shore. Not right on the shore, you understand. It’s, like, a ten minute drive to the beach, but I know where it is, and I can get us there, and I guarantee nobody’s there at this time of year, and no one will know. If my family does find us, they won’t hurt us. It’s much better than a mafia cabin or trying to stay in hotels in the city without a credit card.”
“Sounds better,” says Striker.
“Well,” I say, “at least something good came of this.” I pick up the stun gun. “I want to get rid of this.”
“No,” says Striker. “You hold on to that.”
“Just in case,” says Knight.
“Just in case,” echoes Arrow.
striker
I’M JEALOUS.
EVERYONE knows who they are except for me.
I want it, but it’s not worth forcing myself on Lotus. The bad thing is that when she was holding that stun gun and talking in that voice, like Acker’s, I did, uh, I did have an erection and I wanted her. I don’t feel good about that, or about anything, not really.
I’m also not sure about how good of an idea it is to go hole up in this beach house somewhere either. I’m not sure if we should isolate ourselves with Lotus. It seems like something bad might happen.
But I ask Lotus if she remembers anything about her old life, anything at all, saying that if she knew of some other place for herself to go, someplace where she’d be safe, it might make better sense for us to separate.
Knight is vehemently against this idea. “Don’t even think about that, omega,” he says hoarsely. “You know you have to stay with us.”
She echoes, her voice sort of dull, “I have to stay with you. I have to stay with my alphas.”
“Don’t do whatever you’re doing to her,” I tell Knight.
“I’m not doing anything,” Knight says.
Anyway, Lotus can’t think of anywhere to go.
And I’m jealous, because she gets worked up again before we leave for Arrow’s family’s house. She comes over and sits on Arrow’s lap at one point and starts squirming there, and I see it when Arrow gets aroused, see how cloudy his eyes get.
He touches her through her clothes and he tells her to present for him and she does it.
Then I watch her get nailed in her pussy while Knight puts his knotted up cock in her mouth, and she’s stuffed full of two hard cocks, and she looks so pretty like that, with her tight little pussy jammed full and her sweet, pink mouth stretching to take Knight’s girth, and I want to be hard in that moment, want it so bad that I almost pull up a fantasy of Acker’s voice in my head.
Except I’m afraid it’ll make me violent, that it’ll make me hurt her, and I don’t do it.
Lotus rocks on Arrow’s cock, taking her mouth off Knight to say that she needs a knot, that she really, really needs a knot, and I wish like fuck I had a knot for her.
In the end, Arrow comes in her, but Knight ultimately takes his place, knots in, and satisfies her.
Arrow watches, his cock soft now, rubbing his face with one hand.
Everything is fucked.
I’m too jealous for fucking words.
I can be in a pack with one woman and two other men, well, three, I guess, if that Beckwith person ever reappears. I can do that fine. I mean, as long as I get to fuck her.
If they all get to fuck her, and my cock just never works again…
Can I handle that?
Fuck.
Anyway, this knotting session results in Knight remembering where there’s more money. He has a locker at Penn station, he says, where he stashed another few grand, and we should head there before getting a train out of the city.
We do that, collecting more cash, and then we get our tickets.
Eventually, we board the train. The ride is going to be a couple hours. We sit together and look out at the scenery, all of us a little worried that someone is going to recognize us. We’re not sure if Cedar Falls would have some deal with the police, having us reported as dangerous criminals or something. We half-expect posters with Wanted to be printed and posted all over the place. But there’s nothing like that.
At some point, it ends up being me and Lotus in a seat together on the train. She leans into me and I put my arm around her. She shuts her eyes and naps against me, and it’s the most perfect thing that seems to have ever happened to me in my life. I know it’s because I’m safe for her, and I think she thinks I’m safe because I can’t get my dick hard.
I also know I’m not safe, and that I’m letting her nap on me under false pretenses. I need her to understand that I could come unhinged at any point, that I could hurt her.
I’ve been saying all along that we need a longterm plan, but I’m beginning to realize that some part of me was assuming this longterm plan would mean all of us together, and I don’t know if that’s realistic.
To be safe, truly safe, I think we might need to separate. But even now, the thought of not having my Lotus near me all the time makes my chest ache.
When we get to the beach town where this family vacation house is, there aren’t any taxis at the train station. We could rent a car—well, we could if we had credit cards, that is, so we can’t actually rent a car. Similarly, without cell phones, we can’t book a Lyft or Uber or anything like that.
We end up walking.
It’s not too bad. We don’t have any luggage.
When we arrive at the place, there’s a lock box hanging over the doorknob. Arrow remembers the code. There’s a key inside. He uses it to unlock the door.
The house is small, one story, one bathroom. It’s got three bedrooms, but all the bedrooms are pretty small, too. The living room is the biggest room in the house, and there’s a TV in there and also a desktop computer. The kitchen is small, tucked in behind the living room.
Arrow goes and turns on the water and flips on the electric in the fuse box.
We’re going to have to go to the grocery store at some point, but we order takeout again. Not pizza or Chinese this time. Instead, we get Indian delivered. Arrow swears it’s the best. He makes the call and orders what he says are the best dishes.
He’s right. It’s delicious food.
We settle in after eating to watch some TV together. Arrow and Knight fight over what to watch, but Lotus impishly lies down over all three of us and tucks Arrow’s cock into her mouth, after which he shuts the fuck up and watches whatever Knight puts on.
She moves to each one of us, just holding us there, keeping us warm in her soft, sweet, omega mouth.
I know it’s not going to last, that soon enough, they’re going to be aroused enough that they’re going to fuck her and I’m going to have to watch, and I’ll be jealous again.
But just then, just at that moment, it feels different, sort of domestic and safe and soft, not even sexual, exactly, just something we do for comfort, something that seems so perfect, because it works both ways. She’s comforted by putting us in there, and we’re comforted by having our cocks lodged in the soft, wet wonder of her perfect mouth.
It seems too good and too wonderful to be anything other than perfect.
I sink my fingers into her hair and whisper down to her that I adore her, and she beams up at me, her mouth full of me, and I sigh, and I think that everything I need is right here, right now, on this couch.
My pack.
And then, Arrow picks up the remote and switches it to the news, and everything good is shattered.