20. Mack
20
MACK
I don’t see Gigi much for the next few days.
The Royal Bastards start putting some hard pressure on the Scorpions’ operations. Elmo finds out the location of a gun warehouse owned by them, and we raid it in the dead of night. The Scorpions retaliate violently after increased pressure from the Bastards on their operations. The raid turns into a bloody shootout, leaving a couple of our guys badly injured. We can’t take them to a hospital, so Wishbone sets up a makeshift field hospital at the clubhouse for them.
I have less time to spend guarding Gigi, so she spends most of her time at the compound, since we can keep her safe there. At night, I fall into bed with her, sometimes too tired to do anything than wrap an arm around her and fall into a sleep that’s like death. Fury pretends he doesn’t see any of it. We don’t have the time or the bandwidth to deal with our personal feud right now.
One night, I return to the clubhouse smelling of blood and propellant.
“What’s that smell?” Gigi asks, wrinkling her nose.
I try to buy a little time to come up with a story. “What’s it smell like?”
“I don’t know, exactly. Kind of like charcoal? Sulfur, too, maybe?”
I sigh. I’m too tired to invent anything. “It’s gunpowder.”
She blinks. “Oh.”
“Come and take a shower with me,” I say. “I need to wash this day off of me.”
She joins me in the shower. I don’t tell her what happened today, and she doesn’t ask. We stop talking completely, except with our bodies. It’s as good as it always is between us, but the fatigue I see in her eyes mirrors the exhaustion in my body. As the water runs over us, I empty myself inside her. It’s the only time I can shut out everything else.
The next day, I’m in the middle of a strategy meeting with some of the other men in the chapel when I get a text from one of the prospects who’s keeping an eye on her for me.
Gigi is packing her things to leave
My heart sinks into my fucking stomach. The room around me blurs. What the fuck?
“I gotta go check on something,” I say, standing up so fast the chair behind me flies back a couple feet. I stomp out of the room, barely hearing Fury as he calls after me. I’m at the door to the apartment in less than a minute, opening it up to find Gigi in the midst of hurried packing. The sight is a gut punch.
“What the hell is going on?” I demand, ignoring the fucking note of desperation in my voice.
“I have to go.” Gigi doesn’t even bother to look at me as she continues throwing things into a bag.
“No. You fucking don’t.”
She swings around to face me, eyes full of defiance. “Don’t argue with me, Mack. I’m going, and you can’t stop me.”
“The hell I can’t,” I say, grabbing her wrist.
“Oh yeah?” she tosses back at me. This close, I notice her face is streaked with tears. “What are you going to do, trap me here? Tie me up to a chair and force me to stay here against my will?”
“Jesus Christ, what have I done now? Gigi, what the fuck? Do you think I’m keeping you here out of some sick, selfish reason? We’re trying to keep you fucking safe!”
“And what, I get no say in whether I want to be here?”
“You’re in danger out there!” I shout. “You fucking know that!”
“Well, maybe I don’t care! I want out of here! You can’t keep me here if I don’t want to be! I’m in charge of me, Mack! Not you, not Connor, not Magnus. Not anyone but me!”
My mouth opens and closes like a fucking fish. I swear to God, I want to tie her to a fucking chair. I want to yell at her that she’s in fucking danger, and shake her until she realizes it’s true. But she knows that. What the hell is she arguing with me for on this? I’d do anything to get it through her damn fool head.
I can’t make her stay if she doesn’t want to.
But fuck if I can accept her leaving.
“Gigi,” I croak. “I don’t want you to go.”
She freezes, all the fight going out of her. I watch, stunned, as she sinks down on the bed and starts to sob even harder.
“Jesus, Gigi.” I kneel down beside her, taking her hands in mine. “What the hell’s going on with you?”
“It’s Blaze,” she says through her tears. “He called me. Somehow he got my number. He says he knows where I am. He… he said all sorts of filthy, disgusting things he’s going to do to me. And how he’ll gut me when he’s done with me. And that he’s going to kill my brother and everyone I care about. And that he’ll blow up the clubhouse, with everyone in it.” A fresh sob rips through her. “Don’t you see? If I don’t leave he’ll find me. He’ll…” She shudders. “He’ll destroy all of you. Maybe I can run far enough away that he’ll finally leave me alone, and then he’ll have to leave you alone, too.”
My gut twists something fierce at the thought of her leaving. It kills me she thinks she’s not safe here with us. With me . It’s fucking unbearable.
I need her here. I need to be able to see her. Feel her. Make sure she’s safe. I… hell, I just need her .
“Gigi,” I say hoarsely. “You can’t leave.”
“Why not?” she demands, swiping at her eyes.
“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“What did you say?” she whispers.
Well, at least I’ve managed to stop her tears from falling, even temporarily.
“You heard me. I’ll say it again. I’m in love with you, Gigi.”
“Oh…” Her voice trails off. “Mack…”
“Look. You don’t have to feel the same. But —”
“But that’s just it,” she says. “I do. I do feel the same.”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised. “You do?”
“Yeah.” She sniffles. “I’ve had a crush on you as long as I can remember.”
“What? You hate me. You’ve always hated me. Hell, you just told me you hated me because of that thing with Brock what’s-his-face in high school.”
She lifts a shoulder. “I was embarrassed. He was the first guy that ever got me to stop mooning around, thinking about you. And then you ruined it. But it was never really about Brock.”
“Okay, we need to stop talking about fucking Brock.” I take her hands in mine. “G, listen to me. I love you. I can’t just have you take off, without knowing where you are.”
Her eyes are shimmering. “You keep saying that. Don’t do that unless you mean it.”
“I one-hundred percent fucking mean it.”
“It’s just…” She lets out a long, shuddering breath. “I’ve only ever been serious about one other guy before, and it ended badly. Very badly. It kind of scarred me, to be honest.”
“How so?”
“Did Con ever tell you about a guy named Dylan I was seeing, years ago?”
A memory bubbles up in my brain. I remember Fury and me getting drunk as fuck at some dive bar one hazy night long ago. He told me Gigi had gotten mixed up with some lowlife and that he had “taught the guy a lesson.” The look on Fury’s face was one I hadn’t ever seen before. I didn’t need to ask him any questions about what he’d done to the guy who hurt Gigi. Because I was pretty sure I knew.
“Yeah. I remember that.”
“He beat me. Bloody, black and blue.”
Fuck. Hot rage boils in my veins. I should have been there with Fury. I should have been there to see that the man who hurt Gigi suffered before he was sent straight to hell. My fists clench so tight the knuckles turn white. But then Gigi glances down at them, and the flash of fear in her eyes tells me I need to get hold of myself.
“That’s fucking rough, G,” I say, choking back my rage.
She swallows. “It was the only time I’ve ever let myself get close to a man. I’ve never had another relationship since. And frankly, I’m scared. I’m scared to feel what I’m feeling for you. I’m scared of relationships, Mack. I don’t know how to do them.”
I slide onto the bed next to her. “Well, I ain’t exactly an expert, either. Most of the women I’ve been with I couldn’t tell you their names if we passed them on the damn sidewalk.”
She snorts. “Well, that’s reassuring.”
“It should be.” I put a finger under her chin and tilt her face up to mine. “I’ve never even given any other woman but you a second damn thought, Gigi. You think you had this crush on me back then, that I never even knew you existed. The fact is, I absolutely knew you fucking existed. The only thing that’s ever stopped me from trying to get in your pants was the fact that you’re my best friend’s sister.”
Now, Gigi throws her head back in a full-throated laugh. “You romantic, you!”
“Look, maybe that’s not very romantic-sounding, but it’s the truth. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, though. Back then, I absolutely would have tried to fuck you. But I was also too damn immature to not have made a complete disaster of the whole thing afterwards. My little head did too much of my thinking for me back then. I couldn’t have been a good boyfriend to you.” My eyes lock onto hers. “But I can be now.”
Her chin trembles, all amusement gone. “This is turning out to be a pretty serious conversation.”
“It is,” I agree. “Now do you see why you can’t leave?”
“No.” She shakes her head emphatically. “That’s exactly why I have to leave, don’t you see? I can’t put you in danger. Didn’t you hear me about what Blaze threatened to do?”
I don’t even think, I just say the words. “If you’re leaving, I’m coming with you.”
“You’d do that? You’d leave your club? Your brothers?”
“Yes. I would. I will .”
Gigi closes her eyes. “I’d never make you choose between me and your club.”
“Then stay. Stay and fight.” Stay with me .
She opens her eyes. Stares at me for a long moment.
“Okay,” she says.
It’s only then that I really register the weariness in her face. Gigi looks like she’s dead on her feet from all the worrying and fear. Somehow, I manage to get her to lay down to rest. I hold her in my arms until she falls into an exhausted sleep.
Gigi, I told you I’d keep you safe. And I will.
Then, slipping carefully away from her, I leave the apartment and go out to make a call.