Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Chelsea
Atlas and Jay followed us in before the door was closed and locked behind us.
"What the hell?" Dallas finally found his voice. "I should fuck both of you up."
His face was almost white with fury he'd kept suppressed until now. He took half a step away from me and stood facing them, hands in fists in front of him.
Atlas scoffed. "You killed one person in self-defence and we found you, curled up in a ball on the floor, remember?"
"I was not curled up in a fucking ball," Dallas snarled. "I was slowly processing it. I won't need to take that time with either of you."
Jay held his hands up in front of himself. "Bro, we didn't do anything." He glanced sidelong at Atlas before correcting himself. " I didn't do anything."
Atlas frowned at him, but it was Dallas who spoke first.
"Don't call me bro, asshole. You turned your back on Chelsea. On all of us. You pretended you gave a shit about us and you were working for that prick the entire time." He gestured vaguely towards the door.
"I wasn't," Jay said in a small voice.
All of our eyes turned to Atlas.
He looked back at us. One eyebrow twitched. He scratched his ear. Glanced at the wall. Looked back at us.
"You don't have anything to say for yourself?" Dallas demanded. A moment later, what Atlas was trying to convey sank in.
The walls have ears. Of course, someone would be listening to everything we were saying. What did that mean though?
Was he really on our side? I wanted to believe he was. Desperately.
"It's been a long night," Atlas said finally. "Why don't we all get some rest?”
I didn't want to turn my back on him, so I half-turned and took in the rest of the room.
A large bed sat in the middle, between two windows. Under one was our bags, which must have been brought in ahead of us.
To the side of the room was a door that led into a bathroom.
Like the kitchen and living area, everything here was light in colour and looked new. The duvet cover on the bed even had creases where it had been removed from a box and placed on the bed. The pillowcases had the same creases.
"At least it's clean," Jay said.
"As prisons go, I've seen worse," I said.
None of us were chained to the wall. Yet.
"Get some rest," Atlas said again. "I'll keep watch."
Was he saying that because he wanted to watch out for us, or because he knew none of us wanted to lie next to him right now? Did I really give a shit?
I was starting to think I could still trust Jay. The three of us were more than a match for Atlas if we decided to deal with him ourselves. Although it would take one shout from him to call the minions into the room, so it would do us little good to try.
Just in case, I checked the windows. Both were locked and the panes too small to crawl through, even if we broke the glass.
With a sigh, because I knew I'd get nowhere without any rest, I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the side of the bed. Dallas gave Jay a long look before lying down in the middle, keeping himself between us. He put his arm over me and held me to him. For once, making no move to fuck me.
Shame. I wouldn't have minded messing up these clean sheets. After the long day and exhausting night, I was tired.
In spite of that, I didn't know if I was going to be able to sleep in this place. All I could think of were Storm, Frost and Ramsey. Had they felt anything when the cottage exploded? Did they know they were about to die? Did they feel much pain or none at all?
There were times when being a doctor sucked.
This was one of them. I had way too much knowledge of the impact of an explosion on human bodies.
What they would have felt and where. Unless it was instant.
All I could do was hope it was quick and they didn't suffer.
They deserved nothing less. They were good men who should have had another sixty years ahead of them at least. We should have grown old together, until we were all grey and wrinkled.
Now, none of them would get old. The team was going to fall apart without them.
Hell, I was going to fall apart without them.
Not now, because I had to hold it all together.
But when this was over, I'd let myself grieve for as long as it took.
Probably forever. I'd never get over loving and losing the three of them.
Each of them would always hold a piece of my heart.
I could almost hear Storm saying, "Fucking right, you're mine even if I'm dead. You'll always belong to me."
A tear slid down my cheek. It didn't seem real that they were gone.
I wished I was in the middle of a nightmare and soon would wake up.
I'd find myself lying in bed, in our mansion, my guys around me.
Frost snoring and Storm muttering in his sleep.
That was a better reality than this. One minute we were standing there, ready to defend ourselves, and now…
"This is fucked up," Dallas whispered. His voice was choked with emotion.
All I could manage in reply was a soft, "Yeah."
Fucked up was one way to put it. Screwed up, heartbreaking, devastating, confusing…
I felt very small lying there on sheets that smelled of cardboard and plastic.
Frost would have complained that they could have washed the sheets before putting them on the bed. Storm would have given him a funny look and told him to be quiet and go to sleep.
And Ramsey, he would have wanted to go and do a workout. To burn off his frustration. I never did get around to sitting down with him and talking about that. I should have taken the time. Now I'd never get the opportunity to. What else had I missed out on doing?
So many things, including growing old with all of them. Maybe having children some day. I'd never get to experience any of that with them. I'd never get to hear their voices or feel their touch.
"Maybe they got out in time," Jay suggested in a small voice.
"Don't," I said.
"I was just—" he started.
"Getting my hopes up for nothing," I said. "I don't want to start thinking they might walk through the door when they won't."
I couldn't even let myself consider the possibility they might be alive. That would only lead to more heartbreak when it was inevitably confirmed. They were gone.
I usually didn’t think of myself as a pessimist, but right now I was. How else could I possibly be? My heart was too heavy. As it was, I was barely keeping myself from sobbing.
If I started, I wouldn't stop. And Jones would win. There was no way in hell I was letting him do that. No matter what, he didn't get to win.
I was going to find a way out of here and I was going to destroy him.
Never before in my life had I felt the part of mafia princess. That was the person I hadn't let myself be. I ran from it for my entire life. Hid from it like it might go away if I ignored it.
But now I knew, all along I’d been hiding from a piece of myself.
A huge piece I couldn't deny any longer.
It was as much a part of me as breathing.
Daze was right, this was who I was. That admission to myself made me breathless for a few moments.
It felt as though all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place and clicked.
Nothing in my life made more sense than this. Nothing.
I was finally ready to embrace who I was.
More than embrace it. I was ready to burn the whole fucking world down.
If he thought he could kill my men and get away with it, he'd think twice when I was done with him. He'd wish he was chained up in Ice's workroom. He'd beg to have the skin peeled off him section by section. He'd plead to have his fingers and toes removed with a plier. He'd scream and ask to die.
What I was going to do to him, it would be a thousand times worse. It might involve an anthill and honey, I didn't know.
Whatever it was, his life would be a living hell, just like he was determined my life would become. Now more than ever, I had to be strong. I had to be the badass woman people kept telling me I could be. I had to be all of that and more. When I was done, they wouldn't even find Jones' ashes.
If my brother was here right now, he'd be impressed. Angry, but impressed.
"I'm sorry," Jay said after a couple of minutes of silence. "I didn't mean to…"
"I know," I said. "Get some rest. We're going to need it to get out of this shit."
"You really think we can?" Dallas asked.
"What kind of question is that?" I asked, more harshly than I intended. "Of course we can, and we will. We've been through a lot and we survived, we can get through this."
My heart was still heavy, but it started to feel stony as well. Like it was locking away deep inside my chest to protect me from any further pain. Placed inside a lead box no one could open.
Good, I needed to be harder than steel. I couldn't let anyone in anymore. I wouldn't let anyone break me.
Let them fucking try.
"You're right," he said. "We've got this." He didn't sound as certain as I would have liked him to, but he'd also dragged himself together. I hoped like hell he could stay together. If he fell apart, I might as well. And I wasn't sure if I had enough strength for both of us.
What was I saying? If he fell apart, I'd have no choice but to toughen up even more.
And I would. Because that was what badass mafia princesses did.
We raised hell and we took names. We destroyed our enemies and left them in pieces, broken on the floor.
We tore them to shreds and feasted on the scraps.
When I was finished, Daze and Mina would be looking up to me. Hell, maybe I'd be the one to take Reuben Brantley's place. If he couldn't keep the Crimson Vipers in line, maybe Dusk Bay needed someone who could.
Doctor Chelsea Miller was done being a fucking doormat for assholes. This was what they wanted me to become, they could deal with the consequences. I didn't care if I left the world in ruins behind me.
The people who killed my men were going to pay and they were going to pay dearly.