54. Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter fifty-four
Adair
My vision went blurry as we left the highway and then turned onto a very familiar street. I tried to swallow down the rising emotions, but it was nearly impossible.
It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is going to be fine.
“Good or bad tears?”
A tight smile appeared on my face. “Overwhelmed tears. The last time I was here, it was under much different circumstances. There are also a lot of memories slamming into me. It’s a lot to process.”
He gave my hand another squeeze. “Hopefully, some new and better memories can be made here now.”
“God, I hope so.” Like they could get worse? I rested my head on his shoulder again and took a deep breath as we drove. I can do this. I can walk into this house again. It’s fine.
But it wasn’t.
The memories associated with the last time I had been here punched me in the stomach, stealing the air from my lungs as we turned into the driveway and waited for the gate to open.
Fuzzy moments of Derek begging someone on the other end of the speaker to open the gate popped into my head.
There had been so much blood everywhere.
It coated my hands and had gotten all over the back seat of the SUV.
Then I remember seeing a pissed off Lynette right above my face, tears in her eyes as she demanded to know what happened. Then there was the emergency surgery… me fading in and out of consciousness as I recovered.
My breaths came faster as the wave after wave of terrifying memories slammed into me.
“Hummingbird?”
I heard Peter’s voice, but I couldn’t answer.
He bumped his shoulder against mine. “Adair?”
I didn’t move.
Peter grabbed the side of my face, turning my head to face him.
Even with the shock I felt from his skin touching mine, it came too late to help. My mind had already trapped me in a maelstrom of warped images and sounds, and my vision was now tunneling. I was hyperventilating, looking everywhere but in front of me.
“Adair, look at me!”
The sharp tone in Peter’s voice sliced through the panicked haze, and I locked my focus on his eyes. The terrified look on his face made me sad… only because I was the reason it was there.
“Hey, you’re good. I’ve got you, okay? Just breathe with me.
” He inhaled through his nose and blew it out of the side of his mouth so the air didn’t hit me in the face.
“Come on, Adair. I know you’re scared, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you.
I promise. Now take a deep breath. You’ve got this. ”
Nodding, I did my best to take the breath he demanded. It was shaky and shallower than I wanted, but it was slower than earlier.
Peter nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. “Good. Again.”
We did this for a while. I’d lost track of time, and I knew we weren’t outside anymore, but I never took my eyes off his. Eventually, I let out a sigh, resting my hands on top of his as I leaned forward, our foreheads resting on each other. “Holy shit.”
He rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks. “You back?”
I nodded and took another breath. “Yeah.” After another, much calmer breath, I sat up, not letting go of his hands even after he stopped holding my face. “Thank you.”
“Of course. You’re not the first person I’ve helped through a panic attack, and I’m sure you won’t be the last.”
It was then I finally looked around and realized we were inside the Agosti garage. “How long have we been sitting here? Everyone must be tired of waiting. We should go inside.” As I turned and reached for the door, Peter tightened his hold on my hand, stopping me.
“They aren’t tired. They aren’t angry. They aren’t irritated.
” He smiled at me again, this time rubbing his thumbs across the top of my hands.
“If anything, they are worried about you and are giving you space to calm down and be ready to walk inside. No one moves until you’re ready. You are calling the shots on this.”
I nodded. “Okay.” Suddenly worried about what I looked like, I grabbed my purse and pulled out the compact Quinn had given me. The reflection in the small mirror wasn’t as bad as I expected.
“See? Still the same beautiful Hummingbird.”
“If you say so.” I closed the compact and shoved it back into the bag, while I also tried to shove down how much I liked it when he called me beautiful. After a moment, I glanced at Peter and gave him a much more confident nod. “Let’s do this.”
He leaned forward, reaching past me, and opened the door. As I turned to step out, Jensen was there, holding out his hand.
“You okay?”
The concern in his eyes caught me off guard. “Yeah. Didn’t expect that to happen.”
He arched an eyebrow, but his eyes showed nothing but respect. “I would have been more surprised if you hadn’t had a reaction to being on this property again, especially considering what you said on the plane.”
“Where is she? Is she okay? Lukas and Quinn came in a few minutes ago.”
I smiled at hearing a very familiar voice. Lynette.
Jensen walked to the end of the SUV. “She’s here, Mrs. Agosti. She just needed a minute to collect herself.”
Hurried footsteps echoed in the garage and grew louder as Lynette rounded the back of the truck, stopping when she saw me, tears forming in her eyes. “Oh, my dear, sweet Hummingbird.”
“Hi.” I wanted to say so much more, but my emotions had formed a ball in my throat, and nothing else came out.
She rushed forward and wrapped me in a tight hug. “Welcome home, Adair. I’m so glad to have you in my arms again.”
I immediately burst into tears and hugged her with everything I had in me.
In front of me, for the first time in a very long time, was the woman who had single-handedly made sure I stayed alive and hidden for almost seven years.
After several long moments, I finally released the death grip I had on her.
“I’m so happy and terrified to be here.”
Lynette nodded, holding into my hands. “I believe it. Are you ready to reunite with more people?”
A nervous laugh came out, and I wiped the tears off my face. “Who all is waiting for me now?”
“Lianne and Ryan. No one else knows the four of you have arrived. Well, Connor and Dante know there are San Augustine trucks here, and that Lukas and Quinn have arrived, but no other details as to what is going on. Ben knows something is happening, but also knows he has to wait for more information.”
Right. Lianne is married.
It was then I remembered she was in charge now. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I suppose I should head inside and see what kind of Don Lianne is.”
Lynette grinned. “The absolute best.” She looked over my shoulder. “I’m assuming you’re going to stick close?”
“I promised her I’d have her back until we were settled in, and even after that.”
Peter’s strong voice washed over me, his presence calming me. I was grateful for him.
“Excellent.” She returned her attention to me. “Are you ready to head inside?”
“I need to stop in the bathroom first.”
Lynette nodded. “Fair enough.”
We trailed Lynette, and I was fine until we stepped into the house.
It was like going back in time, and I froze right inside the door as I took in the familiar dark paneled hallway.
The memories were still intense, but Peter’s hand on my lower back helped ground me and keep me from spinning out.
I can do this. No one here wants me dead.
It’s fine. I took another deep breath and let it out slowly. I can do this.
I was grateful for the moment of privacy to take care of a few things and finish pulling myself back together. When I left the bathroom, Peter and Lynette were chatting in the hallway.
She turned to face me. “I’ll be right in front of you. Lukas and Quinn are already inside giving their greetings. We’re saving the best for last.”
Peter rubbed my shoulder. “Ready?”
“As much as I’ll ever be.”
As I looked down the hall, Lynette walked toward a room I’d only been in twice. Light spilled from an open door in the hall, and laughter and light chatter could be heard faintly. She reached out her hand and gestured for us to join her.
Another very familiar voice floated out of the room as Peter and I approached the open door. “I hope she’s not freaking out too much.”
“Come on, Adair. You got this.”
I glanced up at Peter and nodded. “I do.” Like I did before walking into Lukas’s office in Colorado, I channeled my inner badass, held my head high, and walked into the room that had changed my life more than once, hoping this time was going to be for the better.