Chapter 37
Savannah
“O h dear god!” Walker sucks in a gasp as his eyes fly open, locking with mine.
“Morning, sleepy head. Time to wake up. Santa came!” The grin that takes over my face stretches from ear to ear as I bounce on top of him, vibrating with excitement.
He grunts, running a hand over his face. “You scared the shit out of me.”
Scrambling off him, I kneel at the end of the bed. “Well, that's not a good way to wake up.” I wrinkle my nose. “I was excited for presents, but now I’m grossed out.”
“What's going on?” Caleb groans.
“Walker shit the bed,” I tell him.
“Wait, what?” Caleb shouts, eyes flying open and fully awake now as he scrambles out of bed. “What the hell, man? That‘s fucking nasty.”
“I didn’t shit the bed,” Walker growls.
“Seeing how you're naked, I’d say, yeah, you did,” I point out.
“Are you sick or something? Now is not the time to come down with something, it’s Christmas.”
“I’m not sick!” Walker snaps. “And I didn’t shit the fucking bed. Savannah scared me, okay? I opened my eyes, and she was right there.” He turns to me, his face softening. “It’s a saying.”
“Ohhh.” I bite my lip. “Thank god. I love you, I really do. But I don't think I could look at you the same. At least, not for a while if you did that.”
Caleb bursts out laughing as Walker groans, falling back into the bed.
“Okay, now that we have that cleared up. Get up!” I jump to my feet. “Leroy is making breakfast, and the baby is downstairs with Jake. I’ve been waiting for you two to get up, but I have no patience and unless someone wants to lose a dick, you better get your sexy asses downstairs.”
Spinning around, I head down the stairs, the little bell on my elf hat and slippers jingling as I go. I went all out and got the cutest pair of Christmas PJs. I got the guys matching ones, too. Athena has the same one as me.
It’s my first Christmas and I wanted it to be the best.
The guys were amazing and surprised me a few weeks ago by decorating the house. It looks like Santa’s workshop puked all over the house. I love it.
But they left the tree for me to help with. It doesn't look like the ones in the movies, but I like ours better.
It’s been four months since I’ve found the guys, and my life couldn't be any more different.
Before, all I wanted to do was kill and get revenge. And while I still want to do that, the need isn’t as consuming as it once was. My kills have been fewer as the weeks go on. I went from once a week to once a month. When I think about it, December is almost over, and I haven’t started on any new names on my list yet.
Now, I’d rather spend my free time with my pack or my friends. Spending it with Athena, who is already only a few months away from her first birthday. It’s hard to believe she’s already eight months old. She’s grown so much and is so big. Just a chunky little thing with a head of black curls.
Baby boy’s birthday is coming up soon, and I can’t help but wonder what he would have looked like. Would he have light brown hair like I did before I dyed it, or would he have darker hair like the monster who helped make him?
Whatever he would have looked like, I know he would have been the best baby. I would have made sure that he was a happy, healthy one, that's for sure.
This would have been his first Christmas, too.
“Are you okay?” Jake’s soft voice has me blinking at him. I didn’t realize I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, lost in thought.
“Am I okay?” A grin takes over my face. “It’s Christmas. Hell yeah, I’m okay.”
He chuckles as the sound of the guys’ footsteps comes behind me.
“Present time!” I shout, jumping to my feet.
“Little Monster,” Leroy’s deep, gruff voice has me pausing. “I told you last night, food first, presents later. I want my Omega filled first.”
Sighing, I grumble as I follow an amused-looking Jake into the kitchen. “Yes, Daddy,” I mutter. “But if I had to be filled, I know what I’d rather be filled with.” I can’t help but be a bit of a brat.
He looks over at me with narrowed, heated eyes. “Be a good girl and eat your food, and after we open presents, I’ll give you something extra.”
“He means his cock,” Caleb not so subtly whispers.
Grabbing my plate of pancakes shaped like trees, I dig in, the sounds of the guys’ chuckles filling the room around me.
Once we’re all done, I grab the baby and race out of the room. “Come on, Little Bug. Let’s see what Santa brought.”
Coming to a halt as I enter the living room, I gasp, eyes going wide. “Holy shit,” I squeal.
There are so many presents. I don’t remember buying that much.
“Look!” I tell Athena. “Santa came! Look at all the gifts he left.”
“Savvy, baby,” Jake says. “You do know Santa isn’t real, right? I just want to make sure,” he says it so tenderly that I can’t get mad.
“I know,” I huff. “I’d hope he isn’t real. If some fat old man who knew when I was sleeping and knew when I was awake broke into my house, that would be the last thing he ever did.”
“Murdering Santa. That's the Christmas spirit,” Caleb chuckles.
“It could be.” I grin. “But really, if the idea of Santa gives Athena joy and happiness, then we keep the idea alive, okay?”
“Deal,” they all say.
We all sit down on the ground in front of the tree, and I hand the baby to Caleb, who takes her with a big smile and kisses her chubby cheeks, making her laugh. Seeing these men with her has my damn ovaries ready to burst.
It makes me want to give them more babies. But I’m not sure if I'm ready for that. Still doesn't stop me from being disappointed when I take a pregnancy test and it’s negative.
They don’t know I am, and I don’t want to stress them out or upset them. I’ve been taking them over at Salvation.
Duchess reminds me that getting pregnant outside of my heat is not impossible, but improbable. But how the hell can I better my chances when I haven’t had a damn heat yet!
Typically, Omegas go into heat every month for three to five days.
It’s been ten months since I’ve been clean of whatever bullshit Corbin was pumping through my veins and still, nothing.
Sometimes I can’t help but be grateful they had Athena before meeting me, because there could be a good chance I won’t be able to give them the baby they want, and it kills me because I want to give them more.
“First gift is yours,” Jake says, handing me a gift.
“Wait!” I look around and frown. “Where’s Thor?”
“Hopefully, he ran away,” Caleb mutters under his breath, and I shoot him a glare.
“I’ll go get him,” I tell them. “He’s family.”
“If you say so,” Caleb grumbles.
I flip him off with a huff and head out to find Thor.
“There you are.” I laugh when I find him in Caleb’s room. “What are you doing in here? Caleb will freak out if he finds you in here.”
Thor’s little head pops up from where he has it buried in Caleb’s snack drawer.
“Thor!” I hiss as he stares at me with wide eyes, a candy bar hanging out of his mouth. “Stop that.”
Do you know how hard it is to be mad at a raccoon who’s dressed in a little Christmas hat and scarf? Pretty damn hard.
“Ugh, you're so cute,” I gush. “Come on, it’s time to open up gifts.”
Thor chitters as he runs over to me.
“Yes, yes,” I sigh, picking him up. “I got you some gifts. I’m not a monster, you know.”
We join the guys back in the living room, and Caleb sighs. “Yay, you found the rat.”
Ignoring him, we open gifts.
By the time we’re done, the room is covered in ripped wrapping paper that Thor is having the best time playing in. Honestly, I think he likes it more than his gifts. Reminds me of a cat.
I’m sitting on Leroy’s lap, face buried in his neck as I breathe him in. I can’t get enough of my pack's scents.
The guys spoiled me with books, clothes, candies, and a bunch of cool things for my nest.
As much as I love everything they gave me, none of it matters more than just being here with them. I did my best to spoil them back, getting them a few things they always wanted but were hard to find. Knowing people on the dark web comes in handy.
We’re all just relaxing when the doorbell rings.
“Who’s that?” Caleb asks. “Are we expecting anyone?”
We’re going to Walker’s parents' place for supper tonight, but I have people coming over now.
“It’s for me.” I take off and rush to open the door. “Merry Christmas!” I cheer when I see Duchess and Lucy.
My pack asked me why I call her Duchess. They think because she’s family, and she is, that I should call her Daphne. I love her name, but to me, she will always be Duchess. Not just my best friend, but the badass woman who saved me from hell, gave me a new life, and a second chance.
Duchess did that, not Daphne. It’s my logic. No one else needs to understand but me.
“Merry Christmas, babe.” Duchess grins.
“Do you have it?” I ask eagerly, eyes wide with excitement.
“Yes,” she laughs, holding up the cage.
I take it from her and gush. “Oh my god, he’s adorable.”
“Isn’t he?” Lucy smiles. “And he’s so sweet. A very friendly and cuddly little guy. He’s going to fit in perfectly.”
“I can’t wait to see my brother's face.” Duchess cackles.
Letting them in, they close the door behind themselves and follow me back to the living room.
“Caleb!” Duchess shouts, stepping in front of me as we enter the living room. “I have a present for you.”
“What is it?”
“Me,” Duchess says smugly, crossing her arms.
“Oh. Hope you kept the receipt,” Caleb replies, trying to hide a grin.
“Fuck you,” she huffs. “I’m a fucking delight. A gift all on its own.”
“Like an STD. Annoying and can be deadly.”
“Wanna see how deadly I can be?” Duchess growls.
“No killing my Alpha,” I scold her. “And you.” I glare at Caleb. “Stop being mean to my bestie.”
“She started it,” Caleb grumbles.
“What's that?” Jake asks, pointing to the carrier in my hand.
Excitement fills me as I smile widely. “It’s my last gift for you.”
He takes it from me and places it on his lap.
“You didn’t!” Caleb groans as Jake pulls his new little buddy out.
“Really?” Jake’s face lights up. “He’s mine?”
“Yup.” I nod eagerly.
“Another rat? Lovely, just lovely,” Caleb whines like a child.
“Stop acting like a little bitch,” Duchess huffs. “It’s not a rat. It’s a hedgehog.”
“He’s so sweet.” Jake laughs as the little guy starts sniffing him. “Thank you, Sweet Girl.”
The joy on Jake’s face is all the thanks I need. I love making my Alphas happy.
“What are you going to name him?” Lucy asks, taking a seat next to him.
“I don’t know.” Jake holds the hedgehog up to look him in the face. “Hhmm. He looks like a Bowley Pintips to me.”
“What kind of name is that?” Caleb raises a brow.
Jake looks up at me and smiles when he answers Caleb’s question. “It’s a character in the Redwall series by Brian Jacques. It’s something we both read when we were kids. Something we... I don’t know, something we bonded over.” His cheeks turn pink as he looks away.
My heart swells. “I think Bowley Pintips is a perfect name.”
“H ey,” Duchess says as we reach the door. “Doc wanted me to give this to you.”
She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and hands it to me. “What is it?”
“The results from the latest rounds of testing you had done.”
Nerves spike as I open the paper and look down. “I have no idea what I’m reading,” I mutter after looking at whatever the hell is on the paper.
Duchess laughs. “Pretty much what Doc told me was that everything looks good. That there’s no long-term damage that’s showing up. She’s tested you for everything imaginable, and you come back as a healthy Omega. Physically, at least.”
“What does this mean?” I fold the paper back up. “Why haven’t I had my heat yet?”
“She doesn’t know. According to the tests, you should have had it as soon as you were clean of the drugs Corbin gave you.”
“But I haven’t,” I groan, leaning against the door frame. “I mean, I’ve had some spikes. Moments where all I want to do is fuck. But after an orgasm or two, I’m fine.”
“She says that it’s possible those could have been mini heats. Your body's way of easing you into a normal heat cycle. It’s like when a Beta or Alpha is on birth control for a long time and it fucks with their periods. After you go off it, it takes a little while before your cycles even out.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Or... It could be a mental block.” She gives me this look I don’t like.
“What?” I narrow my eyes.
“Have you talked to the guys about your past heat experiences?”
“No.” I look away, my stomach turning.
“Why not? They're your pack. They love you, Savvy. They would never judge you.”
“I don’t want their pity.” I turn to her with angry tears filling my eyes as my breathing picks up speed. “I don’t want to be looked at like I’m broken.”
“You're not broken,” she growls, gripping my shoulders. “I know you’re one bad-ass Omega, Savvy. You’ve taken everything that’s happened to you like a champ. You’ve never let it break you or beat you down. But the fact is, what happened to you is... there’s no simple way to put it, but it was horrifying and traumatic. Down right fucked up and sinister. I know you don’t remember it happening to you, and I’m so glad that of all the things you don’t remember, it’s that. But you were still forced to watch the videos he took.”
“I know!” I shout. “I know, okay. Trust me, I know.” I hate feeling like this. Vulnerable and raw.
She pulls me into a hug, holding me tight, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from breaking down. “It’s okay to let them in,” she whispers. “It’s okay to break in front of them because you know they will be there to put you back together. It doesn’t make you weak to let them in, Savvy, if anything it makes you so fucking strong to open up and trust them with your story.”
“I don’t want them to look at me differently.” I sniff, my hands gripping the back of her shirt.
“They know enough about what’s happened to you. The things that monster did. Has that changed how they see you? Savvy, babe, you kill people for a living, and these men still look at you like you hung the moon. Do you really think anything you tell them will change the way they see you?”
“No,” I whisper, knowing damn well it’s the truth.
“Then tell them. Trust them. Let them be there for you. You can’t keep everything bottled up forever. It will slowly eat you alive.”
“Okay,” I whisper back. I hate how right she is. I’ve been brushing everything off, pushing it to the back of my mind because I didn't want anything to break the perfect little pack bubble we’ve had with the fear of one wrong move, one wrong confession changing everything.
A fter Lucy and Duchess left, I went straight upstairs and got ready for the day. I needed the time to think and clear my mind. I didn’t want the guys questioning me on my change in mood, not today. I didn’t want to ruin Christmas with my fucked up past.
Supper with Walker’s family was good. I’m not the biggest fan of his father. He always seems to have a stick up his ass. But he’s not the worst man that I’ve ever met, so there‘s that. He just always looks at me funny, and I stay away so I don’t get the urge to stab him. But his mom and sisters are wonderful. They don't mind my odd ways. His sisters are pretty odd, too, so we get along pretty well.
By the time we get home from supper, everyone is exhausted.
Athena is passed out cold as I place her in her bassinet.
“Sleep tight, Little Bug,” I whisper as my fingers linger on her chubby cheek.
Athena moved back down to her nursery a few months ago. It’s been an adjustment for all of us. I got so used to having her sleeping nearby, where I could listen to her breathe, or check on her quickly if needed.
But as time went by, the fear of something bad happening lessened.
Also, nothing kills the mood like knowing there’s a baby nearby. I refuse to have sex if she’s in the room and always having to go to another room is a pain in the ass.
Still, to ease my mind, we got the best baby monitor money can buy.
Pressing a kiss to her hand, then to her cheek, I leave her to sleep and head upstairs to find my Alphas already half-naked in bed.
“How have we not all had sex together?” I ask as I step into the room.
They all look at me. “Ah, what?” Walker asks.
“You know, group sex.”
“Look, I love these guys but I’m sorry, their cocks aren’t going anywhere near me,” Caleb retorts.
“So Savvy can fuck you in the ass but we can’t?” Walker grins.
“Damn fucking right.” Caleb nods.
“Not like that.” I wave Caleb off and get undressed myself, letting my dress fall to the floor.
All four eyes are glued to my skin. I love it when they look at me like this, like they want to eat me, like I’m the most stunning thing to ever be gazed upon.
“I mean, like, don’t packs have sex together? Like all you doing stuff to me.”
They all look at one another. “I mean, yeah,” Caleb agrees before adding, “We’ve just never done that before.” He shrugs.
“All packs are different. Some Omegas like their Alphas one-on-one and only like taking them all at once during their heats. Others prefer to have one, some, or all.”
“So we haven’t had sex together because I haven’t had a heat.” I swallow hard, not liking the feeling I get from that. “Well, sorry to break it to you, but who the fuck knows when I’m going to have one of those.” I force a laugh and go over to the window, unable to look at them right now, or I might cry.
“Savvy.” Leroy's soft voice has a whimper trying to slip free. “The reason why we haven’t done anything as a group is that you’ve never shown any interest in that. We didn’t want to push you into doing something you weren't comfortable with.”
“Because of my past, right?” I ask, voice low, but I know they hear me.
“Little Monster, come here,” Leroy urges me. It’s not a demand, but his voice is firm. “I want to hold you while we talk, okay?”
Ugh. I can't even say no because all I want to do is be surrounded by their touch and scents.
Sighing heavily, I make my way over to them and sit on Leroy’s lap. He wraps his arms around me, and I snuggle into his touch.
The guys all shift on the bed so that we’re making a little circle.
“I think it’s about time we talked about some things,” I mumble.
“You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to,” Jake reminds me, placing a hand on my knee and giving it a comforting squeeze.
“But I do, though. You're my pack. The people who love me no matter what, right?”
“Fuck yeah,” Caleb says.
“Of course,” Leroy murmurs.
“Absolutely,” Jake agrees.
“Always,” Walker growls low.
You can do this, Savvy. Trust your men. Be open with them. They’ve got you. You're safe. It’s okay.
“Duchess gave me some test results. I got the doctor to run a whole list of tests on me because it’s been ten months since I’ve come down off whatever drug Corbin was pumping into me that controlled my heats.”
“He what?” Caleb growls, and I shoot him a look. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Keep going.”
“I appreciate that you care, and I know what I’m about to tell you is going to invoke anger and rage, but please, keep it inside for now because I need to get this all out in one go or I’m not sure if I’ll ever have the balls to talk about this again.”
I get a round of acknowledgements before I continue.
And then I tell them. I tell them about the drugs, the controlling of my heats. All the fucked up shit Corbin would do to me. How he would treat me and talk to me. That he recorded it all only to make me watch it later on repeat.
“My heats were never a pleasant experience. That much I can guarantee. As much as I love the dirty talk or the way you guys can take control, I didn’t like what he did to me.” My voice cracks as I feel myself starting to break in Leroy’s arms.
“But in the videos, it looked like I did. I kept wanting more, begging for more. But I didn’t really want it,” I insist as tears spill down my cheeks. “I didn’t want to be beaten. I didn’t want to be called a useless hole or told that no one would ever love me. I didn’t want to get on my knees and beg him to fuck me. It wasn’t me. That girl wasn’t me. It’s what he forced me into.”
My body shakes as I break into a full-on meltdown. Everything comes crashing down. All the walls I’ve built, the things I've pushed down.
The sounds that leave me aren't human. With every gut-wrenching sob, every scream that makes my throat sore, I feel the poison in my soul start to seep out and evaporate.
“Shhh.” Leroy rocks me, his voice cracking. His arms tremble as he holds me too tight, yet not tight enough.
My pack surrounds me and hands soothe me as they tell me how much they love me, that they’re so sorry it happened to me, that they will never hurt me like he did.
I’m so far gone that the world around me disappears, but as they blanket me with their bodies, surround me with their scents and relax me with their purrs that tether me to reality, I swear I can hear them crying too.
They’re crying for me. No cruel laughter or angry screams.
My pack cries because I’m hurt.
They love me so deeply that the idea of anyone causing me harm hurts them.
It only makes me break harder because, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m worthy and valued. I’m not a worthless whore that doesn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as them like Corbin spent so many years trying to convince me I was.
Every piece of me is exhausted, unable to handle any more. So I let sleep take me, knowing I’m safe in the hands of my pack.
Hours later, I blink my eyes open. Looking around, I find my Alphas asleep. But Leroy isn't.
“Hey,” my voice cracks as I roll to my side so we’re face-to-face and give him a sleepy smile.
“Hi, Little Monster,” he murmurs. I sigh and let my eyes flutter closed when he cups my cheek.
“Have you slept at all?”
“No.”
“Why not?” I whisper sleepily.
“Because I couldn’t sleep until you knew.”
“Knew what?” My eyes slowly open.
“That you will never have a heat like that. With us, you will be treated like nothing but a queen. Our goal is your pleasure, and your pleasure only. What we feel is just a bonus. We will go until we have nothing left and then keep going because unless you're satisfied, we’re not done with our job. No pain, Savvy, only pleasure. That's how your heats will be for the rest of your life. Praise, pleasure, and love. That's the only thing we know how to do when it comes to you.”
I’ve never heard someone speak with so much earnestness in my life.
My eyes close again as I swallow down the sob that threatened to slip free. He waits patiently, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on my cheek.
“I can’t wait,” I tell him. For the first time in my life, I’m truly excited to have a heat.
And unlike the past, this time, I want to remember every single moment. But I know that might not happen. Omegas often get lost in their heats and only remember bits and pieces.
“Leroy?”
“Yes, Little Omega?” I smile at the use of that nickname. It’s one they don’t use often, but one I like.
“Can you record it?”
“If that's what you want. Of course.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, shifting closer so he can pull me into his arms.
Part of me wants to watch it later so I can try to remember as much as I can.
The other part wants to see what it's supposed to look like when an Alpha takes an Omega. The love. The want. The trust. The connection.
“One day you’ll know, Savvy.” Leroy kisses the top of my head.
“Know what?”
“That you already own our hearts and souls. But we will also give you the world. You don’t even have to ask.”