Chapter 9
The pressure of his lips on mine is a foreign feeling, and I push away immediately.
“Do you feel anything for me?” he asks, hopeful.
Lord, give me strength.
“Beckett, you’ll always have a special place in my heart from a time when we were kids, but I don’t have those feelings for you anymore.
And I don’t think that I ever will,” I say as gently as possible.
“I’m sorry.” I place my hand on his cheek.
“I feel like you and Ben were my best friends and in each other’s lives for a small time when we needed it the most during that period of our youth. We’re different people now.”
He looks between my eyes as if searching for something. “It was worth a try,” he says sheepishly.
Now I remember why we butted heads so often. This guy is infuriating.
“The next time you try to kiss me though, I’m knocking your teeth out. Got me?” I raise an eyebrow letting him know to not cross that line again then sock him in his shoulder.
After a pause we have a laugh, and it’s almost like old times but in a different way.
“So, you and Ben are big bad bikers now, huh. And what’s with all the macho names?”
“Yeah, Crusher recruited us before his accident and we haven’t looked back.
It was the best thing to happen to me since you left.
They really filled that void of family that I missed out on growing up.
We’re given road names once we came into the MC.
Most of them have to do with certain likes or jobs they do.
Like Blaze who’s in prison, his real name is Kash, but he loves setting things on fire so the name Blaze stuck with him. ” Makes sense.
“And Havoc and Riot are from…”
“Just something that happened when we first patched in.” He shrugs but doesn’t elaborate.
“It’ll take me some time to get used to calling you and Ben that,” I admit, but if that is what they’d prefer then I’ll be more than happy to make an effort.
“Some of the people in town think we’re the antichrist, though.”
“Let me guess. My stepdad is leading the charge.”
“Yeah, when he was elected mayor, he made things really difficult for us, but we’re managing it.
We do a lot of good for this town, but it never gets recognized.
We only get flack for the vile things that happen.
Most of it isn’t even our fault, but we’re an easy scapegoat and good for his numbers when it’s time for reelection. ”
One thing I’ve always thought about Dennis Burns was that he was a shady man. Any man who would knowingly sleep with a married woman is a sleazy asshat in my book.
“Well, we both know that Dennis has never been a favorite person of mine. I still have a hard time spending more than an hour in the same room as him. Even if he did buy me a kickass car.”
There’s a pause in the conversation before Havoc speaks again.
“Raegan, if you are going to hang out at the club I think that you need to tell Prez who your stepdad is. Riot and I know you’re not any harm to the club, but the others might see it as you trying to get information for the mayor to take us down.”
“Sure, I’ve nothing to hide. It’s not like I can help who my mother decided to screw and ruin my life with.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure to let Prez know that you’re not a threat to the club. Riot will too.”
I feel like I should tell him about Kane and me, but since we are making progress, I’ll table it for now. Kane had mentioned that he had to be careful how he approached the situation to not divide his club, so I think I’ll let him start that conversation with Havoc.
“So, you want to tell me about Ian Fucking Hastings?” Havoc questions me, but it comes out more of an accusation.
“We’re just friends, Havoc. Our moms set us up on a blind date, and we hit it off. He’s really a nice guy, and it’s none of your business who I see or become friends with.”
Havoc lets out a distasteful sigh.
“I get that, Raegan, but I’ll always want the best for you and to keep you out of harm’s way.
The only thing nice about the guy is that he saves lives.
He was a real dick when Blaze married his sister, Allison.
His family disowned her because she traipsed outside the prim and proper elite social ladder and married someone beneath them. ”
“Ian said that he and his sister are working it out, and we even hung out with her and little Annie not too long ago. They seemed like any other siblings to me. Besides, everyone deserves a second chance, right?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
Rolling his eyes, “Just don’t be so trusting with him, okay?”
“Okay.”
Havoc’s phone starts blowing up, and he frowns when he sees it.
“Yeah…okay…be there in twenty.” He hangs up and turns to me. “We’ve got to head back. Club has some business to do.”
“Sure, no problem.”
We get back on his bike and make our way back to town.
As we’re pulling up to the clubhouse, the sun is setting and the music from inside is blaring when the door opens from someone coming or going.
I dismount from the bike and take my helmet off, passing it to Havoc.
When I go to take a step back my wedged shoe lands on a rock and my ankle gives.
Havoc reaches out and steadies me holding my arms. When I finally get my balance straightened out, I look up at him.
I was a fumbling mess tripping over air as a teenager, and Havoc and Riot both stayed close to catch me quite often.
A moment passes and you can tell we were both transported to those years, and we both start to laugh.
“I can see that some things haven’t changed,” he comments and we both catch our breath.
“Thank you for today, Raegan. And even though we aren’t able to become more, I’m so glad to be friends.
If there is ever anything you need I hope that you’ll come to me or Riot, and we’ll help you with it,” he says sincerely.
“Thank you,” I say and can feel a part of our past healing itself.
“Can I give you a hug?”
Am I ready for that type of affection from him? I feel like we’re closing a chapter on our past and starting the next one in our lives but in a different relationship type of way.
“Sure, but watch your hands,” I say firmly giving him a challenging raised eyebrow. Leave it to Havoc to try to grope me one last time while my defenses are down.
He gives a hearty laugh then engulfs me with his arms. He buries his head into my hair, and I rest my chin on his shoulder with my arms around his waist. Just as I’m about to pull away we hear a throat being cleared.
While releasing each other, I see a furious Kane at the front of Havoc’s bike.
If looks could kill, we’d both be six feet under.
“Church! Now, VP!” Kane seethes at Havoc. Jeez, what’s his problem?
Havoc nods and then turns to me.
“Thanks for today, Raegan. We’ll talk later.”
“Bye, Havoc.”
Havoc walks over to the clubhouse doors and when the doors are securely closed with him behind it, Kane goes to grab me. He’s pulling me flush to his body his grip is almost painful.
“If I didn’t have to be in church in less than five minutes, I would bend you over that bike and fuck the sass right out of you. I know what you’re doing, Raegan, and it’s working.”
“What are you talking about, Kane?”
“That little stunt earlier when you were leaving on the back of his bike. And then hanging all over Havoc just now.”
“You’re crazy, I wasn’t hanging all over him.
He asked for a hug, and I let him have one.
Not that it’s any of your business, but we were just closing a chapter in our lives.
Yes, I was mad earlier and shouldn’t have done that, it was childish.
I didn’t like the way you spoke to me. I know it was wrong, and I’m sorry for that, but that hug was about closure and nothing more. ”
I jerk, ripping my arms out of his grip, and take a step back.
“That’s not what it looked like to me. It looked like if I hadn’t interrupted things would’ve gotten a lot heavier. Tell me, was I just a warm body until you made nice with Havoc?”
What is he going on about? I’d never get back with Havoc even if Kane and I don’t work out. This fool has some nerve saying all of this to me.
“Are you on drugs right now? I can’t believe you’d say that to me after what we shared last night!” I practically yell out. This is nuts, and I’m not going to stand here and listen anymore to this bullshit. “Fuck you, Kane! Call me when you grow the fuck up. Or don’t for that matter.”
I storm past him on my way to my car. How dare he say that to me.
He knew I was meeting with Havoc and we were hashing out our past. I hear him yelling my name behind me, but he hesitated too long, and I’m already closing my car door.
Quickly, I’m pressing the power button to start my car and putting the shaft in gear, locking the doors just as he tries to tear open the door.
As he bangs on my window, he’s yelling, “Open the fucking door, Raegan!”
Flipping him off, I move my foot from the brake to the gas pedal going in reverse.
Without checking my mirrors, I accelerate back then switch gear and roar out of the lot.
Thank god the gates are open, and I can leave this shithole place.
I knew it was a bad idea to ever step foot back in this town again.
* * *
Fuck!
I watch her car leave the compound, and I want to kick the shit out of myself.
Why did I say those things to her? I couldn’t stop the rage building inside me.
Seeing her with someone else has me all jacked up.
But seeing her snuggled up with her ex, who she had a real relationship for a year, has me doing things that I’d never thought I’d do.
Never have I wanted to harm a brother before, and now that Raegan is in my life I can’t stop these feelings from boiling over every time she’s around other men.