Chapter 8 Damon #2
I blink when he giggles and pats me on the chest. Honestly? I like this look on him. He’s often snarky and wears a cocky grin, but there’s much more honesty to his mood right now.
Maybe I’m delusional, but it seems as if he’s genuinely happy… about helping me with my job?
It’s doing things to my own thoughts.
“I saved your ass,” he states. “I know you think my plan’s risky, but if I can pull it off, I’m sure you can, too.”
I nod without thinking. Even if up until this point I claimed not to like his tactics, seeing him this…
genuine and selfless, is another side of him I’ve never seen before.
Or maybe he’s always been this way but I was too stubborn to pay attention.
My friends, Westley and Vaughn, have always told me how Ellis goes out of his way for them.
How he fights for their careers and gives them what they want.
This is the Ellis I’ve been trying not to see because of a bitterness I’ve been holding onto for far too long.
It makes me want to make it up to him—makes me want to take care of him even more.
“Ellis?” I murmur. “Are you sure you’re okay being alone in Tampa for New Year’s?”
“Yeah! I’m used to it. What choice do I have?”
“You can come to Anchorage with me,” I say.
Ellis stills. He’s still got his hand flat on my chest, and I feel the way it hardens against my shirt. He blinks at me slowly, his mouth parted.
“What?” he asks. “Why?”
“Because I want you to. It’ll be fun.”
“But…” Ellis’s fingers curl against me, and his eyebrows furrow together. He opens his mouth a few times but no sounds come out. Finally, he says, “Why? I’m just a random coworker. Why would you bring me home to your family?”
“You’re not just a random coworker.” I chew my lower lip.
This is it, I guess. It’s time to take my shot.
“We could be more, if you want. We can try. I know you’re not into the whole dating scene, but…
if maybe you could make an exception this time.
It’ll be as simple as we can make it out to be—just go out on a date with me, once? ”
He lets out a startled laugh. “I don’t think bringing me home to your family during the holidays sounds like a first date kind of thing.”
I laugh, too. “That’s true. But… I don’t want you to be alone back in your apartment.”
He doesn’t say anything. Ellis’s silence is crushing, and his grip on me loosens. He breaks eye contact with me.
I grasp his wrist. “Ellis.”
“We should go to the airport,” he says. “Heather will kill us if we miss our flights.
“Ellis, look at me.”
He listens. Ellis blinks up at me with those huge blue eyes of his. “I don’t date, Damon,” he says. “I thought we were clear about that.”
“You said you wanted to give me your number two years ago.”
“Yeah,” he says softly. “Because I did. Doesn’t mean it would have been the right thing to do, though, and it’s still not the right thing to do now. You don’t want to do this with me.”
My grip on his wrist tightens, but he doesn’t shake me off. “Why?”
Ellis laughs hoarsely. “Because it’s not going to work.
It’s never worked between me and anybody else before, so why would it work for us?
We’re both on the road all the time, and we don’t even get along the few times we’re in the same room.
Why even give it a shot? Come on. This can’t be news to you. ”
My brows furrow together. Is he serious?
He continues, “Messing around is fine. I know we said we wouldn’t do it again, but if you wanted to, we could.
If we’re in the same city, why not? We can have a good time.
But… going out? Dee, please. We’d ruin each other.
It’s not going to work and, best case scenario, seeing each other at work would be awkward.
Worst case scenario? Our already-rocky working relationship would turn so much more toxic, and one of us would decide to leave the company.
Statistically, the chances of us crashing and burning are so much higher. ”
“We aren’t a statistic, sweetheart.”
His cheeks flush. It’s an evil move, but I know the effects my nicknames have on him. Unfortunately, it’s not enough, because he shakes his head. “What about your future in the company? I’m the CEO’s son, Damon!”
“I could risk that,” I say adamantly. “I don’t care about what could happen, I just care about the present.”
“You?” Ellis gives me a lopsided smile. “Not caring about consequences? My, my. What have you done to the Damon Marks I know?”
Finally, Ellis shakes me off, and my hands fall to the side.
“I can’t,” he says. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, like, mislead you.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t. It’s okay.”
Because it’s true. Ellis was clear from the start. He never made any excuses about himself, and despite him sometimes slipping and maybe being more affectionate—more intimate, more sweet, more seen—he’s said from the moment I met him that he doesn’t date.
Nothing’s changed from that night we met.
“I’ll see you next year, okay?” he says, voice almost too soft to be heard.
“Okay.” I nod. The urge to hold him by the face is overwhelming.
A part of me doesn’t want to give up. Maybe if I…
maybe if I reason out and tell him why it would work.
I’m convinced we’d be great together, even if he can’t see it now.
Ellis is incredible, and even if he doesn’t trust himself to be in a relationship, maybe it’s only because he’s never been in one that was good for him.
He’s never been with someone like me, who’d take care of him as much as he’d take care of me.
We’d be good together—and I know he can see that, even if he’s scared.
He’s so scared—so petrified—that he looks as if he wants to turn around and run at any sudden movements. God, I feel awful for him. Ellis is incredible, but he doesn’t trust himself to give in to what many people have no trouble doing.
Maybe he needs time. Maybe it’s good that we’re parting ways now and going in completely opposite directions. As much as I already know I’m going to think about him every waking moment, perhaps what Ellis needs right now is some space.
And if in the end he genuinely doesn’t want to attempt a relationship, then I’ll just have to live with that. At least I tried.
“Damon,” he says softly. Desperately. Ellis’s lower lip juts out, and I have the intense desire to ground him. Thankfully, he doesn’t flinch when I put my hand on his elbow. He doesn’t push me away and flee.
Ellis lets me lean in. He lets me kiss his temple, and I feel the slight shudder from him when I do.
“If you change your mind,” I say. “You know where to find me.”