Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Devyn
Riley and I are lying in bed, completely spent. He’s the big spoon and I’m the little. We had sex two more times, and each one was better than the last. I never thought losing my virginity would be such a pleasurable experience. I knew Riley would make it as good as possible, but I never expected to feel so delightfully sated. Sure, I’m sore—I probably will be for days. But it’s a delicious soreness.
I think back to everything that’s happened tonight and smile. It was so perfect. Riley is not only a skilled lover, but he’s also generous. No wonder he’s had so many girlfriends. I cringe when I think about the bevy of babes from his past. I’ve never really liked any of the women he’s dated, but I put up with them knowing they had a short shelf life. Now look at me. I’m another notch on the bedpost just like them .
I mentally shake my head, refusing to put myself in the same category. I know what Riley and I shared tonight was special. Different. He even said that he’s never been so in sync with someone before. Riley and I are so attuned to each other outside of the bedroom that it makes sense it would carry over. He tightens his arms around me, and I nuzzle into him.
God, I could get used to this. I know I said I didn’t have time for a relationship, but loving Riley is so effortless. And the fact that we’re so compatible sexually is just the icing on the cake. Wait…did I just say I love Riley? Well, of course I love him. But am I in love with him? Oh crap, I am! I totally am! If I’m being honest with myself, I have been for years. I’ve just always had this wall in place preventing me from going there in my head. But tonight, any barriers we had were broken down and then some.
Why couldn’t I have had this epiphany sooner? Would he even want a relationship with me now? Could we have one being three thousand miles away? My internship only lasts for one year. Maybe I could move to Boston until Riley finishes grad school then we could figure it out from there. We’ll both be so busy time will probably fly by. I decide to take Riley’s advice and act on impulse.
“Hey, Rye?” I whisper.
“Hmm?” he mumbles sleepily.
“I love you.”
He doesn’t say anything so I shift to see his face. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is even. Is he asleep? A soft snore confirms it. What’s the proper protocol here? Should I wake him up? He looks so peaceful…I don’t want to disturb him. I roll back over and close my eyes. We can talk after we’ve both had some rest.
Riley
“I love you.”
Fuck. Why did she have to say that? I focus on taking deep, even breaths so she thinks I’m asleep. I even add a little snore when I feel her turn toward me. Yep, I know I’m a total asshole. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Sex wasn’t supposed to change things between us. We had a deal! I’ve just had the best night of my entire life, and she had to ruin it by dropping the L word. What’s she thinking? I’m freaking the fuck out right now. Okay, so maybe I have… feelings for her too. She’s my best friend. Of course I feel affection for her. But love? That’s insane. I can’t be in love with someone when I’m moving across the country. I’m not a relationship type of guy. Especially not a long-distance relationship.
I don’t do monogamy. Not for more than a few weeks at a time anyway. She knows this. What the fuck was she thinking telling me she loves me? I am clawing at my insides for an answer. What am I supposed to do? The only thing I can think of is pretend I didn’t hear her. That’s the most diplomatic way of handling this, right? I’ll remind her in the morning what this weekend was all about before she has a chance to broach the subject again. Then we’ll go back to being friends, and everything’s good. Easy, right?