Chapter 45
CHAPTER 45
Brody
“Dude, who died?” Drew asks.
I take a long pull from my beer. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
Yes, I do.
Rainey has been avoiding me for three days, and I’m frustrated as fuck. I was planning to talk to her the other night after we finished having sex, but we both crashed almost instantly. By the time I woke up, she was already at work. I have no idea how the hell she managed not to wake me because I’m usually a pretty light sleeper. All I can say is I must’ve been in a post-coital coma. That’s a real thing, you know. Google it.
Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I should’ve talked to her before the fucking commenced. I should’ve held my ground. Well, you can just fuck the hell off with your admonishments. There’s not a dude alive who would’ve done any differently. At least not a respectable one. IT’S ANAL. If a woman is dangling that tasty carrot in front of your face, you do not turn that shit down. Butt sex is always awesome, because how can you go wrong with a tighter channel, but that night with Rainey was one for the record books. It’s definitely going to be a featured member in the spank bank.
“No, he’s right,” Riley insists. “There’s something going on. You’ve been nursing the same beer for half an hour now, and you haven’t glanced at our waitress’s watermelon-sized tits once.” He feels my forehead. “You sick or something?”
“Fuck off,” I mutter.
Thank God we decided to meet for Happy Hour, because I’m going to need something stronger for this conversation. I wave our waitress over and order three fingers of whiskey.
Riley narrows his eyes. “Wait a minute…I know this look. This is about a woman, isn’t it?”
“What makes you think that?” I challenge.
“Because you’ve been a miserable sonuvabitch,” Riley replies. “And I’ve been in your shoes, so the signs are pretty easy to recognize.”
“Whatever,” I mumble.
“Holy shit!” Drew shouts. “This is about Rainey, isn’t it? You finally tapped that, didn’t you? How was it?”
I glare at him. It’s not like Drew and I, or Riley and I for that matter, haven’t discussed our exploits in every porny detail before, but I don’t like hearing him talk about Rainey that way. And I’m sure as hell not about to give him the play-by-play. Sadly for me, my silence speaks volumes based on the smirks both of my friends are wearing.
“I knew there was something behind that kiss at the zoo!” Drew says excitedly. “When did this happen? How did this happen? ”
At times like these, it sucks when someone knows you so well. I guess there’s no point in trying to bullshit my way out of this. Thankfully, my new drink has arrived.
I down half of the amber liquid in one gulp. “Do you need a refresher course in the birds and the bees, Drucilla?”
Drew flips me off in reply. “Please, fucker. I could teach a Master Class in that shit.”
Riley slouches back into the booth and folds his arms over his chest. I really don’t like the way he’s looking at me right now. It’s like he’s trying to do some Jedi mind trick and pluck information out of my brain. “You finally found it, didn’t you?”
“Found what?” Drew asks. Clueless motherfucker .
I nod, answering Riley’s question.
Riley laughs. “Welcome to the club, brother.”
“Welcome to what club?” Drew asks. “What are you assholes keeping from me?”
“The Magic Pussy,” Riley explains. “Rainey’s it for him.”
Drew shakes his head. “The M.P.’s just a myth, man. No pussy is unforgettable.”
“Not true,” Riley says. “I felt it right away with Devyn. The very first time we had sex, I knew I was never going to find someone better.”
Drew plugs his ears. “La-la-la-la-la.”
I snort. “What the hell are you doing, you idiot?”
He makes no attempt to remove his fingers from his ears. “I’m preventing myself from being mentally scarred for life. I don’t need to be a part of any conversation that involves my baby sister and sex.”
Riley pulls Drew’s arms down. “Quit making a scene. It’s not like I went into great detail about how snug her p?— ”
“Aaaah!” Drew plugs his ears again and starts singing the intro to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air .
I laugh at Riley’s antics. Screwing with Drew will never get old.
“Anyway,” Riley continues as if Drew isn’t belting out sitcom theme songs right now, “that still doesn’t explain why you’re so miserable. What happened?”
“She refuses to give me a chance,” I explain. “She likes to remind me how temporary we are, every opportunity she gets. According to her, we’re just friends with benefits, which is complete bullshit. That may have been the initial plan, but it went to hell the second I slid inside of her and had a goddamn epiphany. Every time I try having a meaningful conversation with her about being something more , she senses it and distracts me with her boobs.”
Drew decides to stop acting like a three-year-old and joins the conversation again. “Ooh, now this I can get on board with. Tell me more about Rainey’s boobs. Those beauties are real, aren’t they?”
“Fuck off, Drew.”
He laughs. “So, I’ll take that as a yes. What color are her nipples? I’ve always imagined them to be light pink. Am I right?”
“I’m not discussing the color of her nipples with you, asshole. Or any other parts of her body .”
“Damn, you do have it bad,” he muses. “I mean, it’s clear you’ve had the hots for her. A blind man can see that. But I didn’t realize it went beyond that. I thought you annoyed the shit out of her. How in the hell did you manage to convince her to sleep with you?”
I shrug. “She’s the one that suggested it, actually.”
“No shit?” Drew and Riley ask simultaneously.
“No shit. ”
Cara, a.k.a. Watermelon Tits, arrives with our appetizers and lays them out on the table. “Here you go. Nachos, wings, mozzarella sticks, and fries. Can I get you boys anything else?”
I don’t miss the suggestive tone or the way she angles her tits in my direction as she speaks. And no, I’m not imagining it. Cara and I got biblical a few months back, and she made it clear she wouldn’t mind a repeat. Funny thing is, for the first time in my life, I have no desire to take her up on it.
I shake my empty glass. “I’ll take another one. And you should probably keep ’em coming.”
“Of course, Brody.” She takes my glass and nods to the two half-empties on the table. “You guys need a refill, too?”
“Sure,” Riley and Drew answer.
She winks. “Give me just a minute. I’ll put these in the front of the queue.”
Drew waits until she’s out of earshot before he speaks. “I guess one benefit to your affliction for barmaids is we never have to wait for drinks.”
“ Former affliction,” I correct. Damn, I need to find a new place to hang out—one where I haven’t slept with half the staff.
“So, what are you going to do?” Riley pops a mozzarella stick in his mouth.
“I have no fucking clue. But it starts with more whiskey.”
Drew laughs as Cara returns with said whiskey. “Well, drink up, buddy. It’s on me.”
He’s probably going to regret offering that.
Yep, you’ve guessed it—I don’t stop until the bartender cuts me off. And really, I should’ve quit two rounds ago. I’m going to pay for this tomorrow.
“I fucking love her, man,” I slur. “I’m in fucking love with her! What am I supposed to do with that? ”
“Call her and tell her,” Drew suggests.
Riley left after our third round, claiming all this talk about the magic pussy made him anxious to get home to his fiancée. Now it’s just Drew and I, drunk as fuck. We’re both big dudes, so it takes a lot of alcohol to get to this point. I don’t think either one of us have been this shitfaced since our days in the frat house.
“She’s working overnights this week,” I say.
“So? Leave a voicemail. She can’t change the subject if she’s not on the other end of the line.”
Maybe it’s the whiskey talking, but that’s actually pretty brilliant. I can’t dig my phone out of my pocket fast enough.
My ears perk up when her voicemail greeting plays.
“ Hey, this is Rainey. Leave a message after the tone, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
I go for it as soon as I hear the beep.
“Rainey, it’s me. Brody. God, hopefully you’d recognize my voice otherwise what I’m about to say is really fucked up. But I don’t think it is fucked up, because it feels right. Ya know? So hopefully you already knew it was me. Anyway…I’m not going to let you distract me with sex! Not that I don’t like the sex, because Christ , sex with you is out-of-this-world hot. There’s nothing better in existence than sinking into your warm, wet pussy. But that’s not what I called to say. Fuck, you’re even distracting me with sex without even being here because I’m thinking about it.
“Okay…back to the subject. I don’t want to be friends with benefits anymore. When I think about it, I never did. You’re not a fuck-and-chuck type of girl. You’re a take-back-home kind of girl. Like, I actually want you to meet my crazy family because I know they’d love you almost as much as I do. Yeah, you heard me right. I love you, Lorraine O’Neil . I’ve fucking loved you for years! I don’t want any other women. You’re the goddamn magic pussy ! Don’t you get that? All I’m asking is for a?—”
BEEP!
“ Damn it ! Her voicemail cut me off.”
“Call it back, man,” Drew suggests. “You’re doing good. Pure fucking poetry.”
I grin as I dial her again and wait for the tone. It was pretty great, wasn’t it?
BEEP!
“Okay, Rainey. It’s me again. Your stupid voicemail hung up on me. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I got it. I’m just asking for you to give me a chance, baby. A real chance . I know Adam fucked with your head, but if you keep closing yourself off because you’re scared, then he wins. Don’t let him win, Rainey!
“ You’re it for me . I want you and only you. And I know you feel the same. I know it …you understand this insane connection we have because you’re right there with me, baby. You just need to gather the courage to admit it. I want forever with you. You want babies? Well, I want to knock you up and see your giant belly carrying my child. Oh my god, your tits are going to be even more incredible when you’re pregnant. Fuck. Now I’m getting hard thinking about it. Shit, where was I?
“Oh, yeah…so our cover’s blown. Riley and Drew know all the details now, too. And I’m sorry about that, but I didn’t outright tell them—they figured it out. You know what? No, I’m not sorry. I fucking want them to know. I want everyone to know! Just please, give me a fucking chance. I know you think I’m an ass, but I promise I’ll fucking cherish you , Rainey. And I’ll keep the orgasms coming. See what I did there ? Orgasms…coming? Getting off track again. Anyway, just hear me out. Just give me a chance. So…yeah. I guess that’s it. Call me back when you get off work. ”
I press the END button and take a deep breath. It feels like an anvil has been lifted off my chest.
“Jesus, Brody. Not gonna lie, dude. I’m getting a chub. If Rainey won’t give you a shot, I might be willing to give it a try. But just a forewarning, you’d have to be the bottom.”
“Fuck you, man,” I slur. “I am so not a bottom. Also, we both like pussy. Remember?”
“Speaking of pussy…” He looks around and smiles when he spots something. “Now that you’ve fixed your problem, my best friend duty is done. The hot bartender has been eye-fucking me for the past few hours. I’m going to go see what time she gets off work so she can get off on my dick after. I’ll close out the tab while I’m up there.”
I wave him off. “Go for it, bud. I’m gonna get an Uber.”
The app says my driver is right down the road, so I pull on my coat and head outside. I look at the time as I wait and calculate the number of hours before Rainey gets off work. I have just enough time to get a good nap in. I smile when I think about all the naked fun we’re going to have after she listens to my voicemail.