Chapter Fifteen #3
“Something like that, I don’t really remember.
I don’t remember a lot of things, if that helps.
I’m as old as the universe, and mostly all I’ve got in my head right now are the memories that fit a thirty-five-year-old human man.
Which might also be good for you to know, if you’re worried about the age gap between me and a human woman.
I know in the romance books there’s a lot of angst about that. ”
“Jack, I could give a flying Fudgsicle about age gaps. I’m worried about you .”
“Don’t be. I don’t deserve it. And even if I did, I promise you I’m fine.”
“But all of that just makes it seem like you’re even more not.
Don’t deserve it , Jesus. You’re a justice-seeking demon who longs to be loved.
You just want to be loved and to care for someone.
You care for me and I’m not even the person you want to care for, Jack,” she said, her voice a little strained as she did, her eyes stinging kind of more than she wanted them to.
And they stung even more when it suddenly hit her.
Hard and fast, to the point that she had to put her face in her hands.
“Oh my god, your name isn’t even Jack. It’s not Jack Jackson, of course it’s not, of course it isn’t.
I’m trying to be your friend and help you and this whole time you couldn’t even tell me that. ”
“Honey, hey, hey, it’s okay, stop. It’s fine, and even if it wasn’t there’s really no way for you to even pronounce what it is. I can barely pronounce it in human, and it’s my name. And believe me, when I try it sounds terrible .”
“I don’t care. I want to know.”
“No, you really don’t.”
She slapped the table.
And he sighed. He grumbled, “Can’t believe how much you’ve got me wrapped around your tiny fingers.
” But he took a breath, and went ahead. Or at least, she thought he did.
Because it wasn’t exactly language that came out of him.
Or even really a recognizable noise. It was like…
she didn’t even know how to describe it.
All she could think of was someone being bleeped out on the TV.
If the bleep was garbled feedback from a faulty radio.
And that wasn’t even the weirdest part. No—the weirdest part was what it did to the room around them. He spoke it aloud, and the lights seemed to dim. Glasses rattled in the cupboard. Somewhere from the next room, she heard the TV clunk on, and Splash start blaring out.
Only it wasn’t Splash , exactly.
It was Tom Hanks talking backward.
Honestly, it made all the hairs on her arms stand straight up.
But she persevered. “There must be a way I can say it. Anything I can use so I can respect the real you. It’s not right that you have to be someone you’re not,” she said, then watched as his expression softened. Like he was touched, even as he had to tell her no. No, that’s not the way things are.
“You’ve got it the wrong way around, honey.”
“Oh. Oh. And by that you mean the demon—”
He nodded, slow, slow. “It’s not something I was ever very good at being.
Or even wanted to be good at being. It fit me ill, like a coat ten sizes too small.
And I couldn’t say anything about it, or change, or stop it.
I didn’t even know there was a possibility I could change or stop it, until I was given my human form. ”
God , she thought.
Not claimed. Was given.
“So you didn’t make it yourself,” she said, and he hesitated.
Though she didn’t know why this was the first time he did.
It didn’t seem like much when he finally answered.
“I both chose it and was gifted it. By… by the one I’m trying to be worthy of.”
“Then she’s some kind of witch, too. She has magic, like me.”
“More than what you have now. She was—she is very powerful,” he said, voice so awed that she couldn’t help picturing her.
Swathed in lightning, eyes like fire. Someone to match him in all his glory.
It gave her a little sting of jealousy, even amongst all of this.
All of this amazing stuff he was talking about—because he still was.
His gaze was far away now, thinking of her.
Baffled by her almost, it looked like, as he continued.
“Though, honestly, I don’t think she really intended to do this.
I think maybe it was mostly an accident, something she didn’t really bargain on.
Something she still doesn’t understand happened in any real way.
And she won’t, until I can truly live up to the faith some part of her put in me. ”
“I think it’s safe to say you do.”
“Well, I’ve tried. I am trying, as hard as I can. And not just because I want to be worthy. Because the thing is, if I fail at doing this, if I don’t make it work, if I don’t become someone she could like, then—”
He cut himself off before he could finish the thought. Looked away, suddenly even tenser than he already was. But it was too late—she could somehow hear what he’d almost said anyway. Something bad will happen , she thought. Something bad will happen to me, to her, to god knows who.
And when it did, she sat back in her chair.
She let the truth sink in. He didn’t need date lessons just because.
Of course he didn’t. “This is some kind of deal, isn’t it.
That’s why you’re so desperate. That’s why you came into the store, that’s why you were willing to embarrass yourself, stick your neck out, do all of this,” she said, and in answer he palmed his face.
Went to get up, then stopped himself. Did it again, and cursed instead.
“I can’t talk about it with you. Honestly, I’ve already told you too much.”
“So if you do tell, you’ll be punished for it. You’ll forfeit, or be in danger.”
“Yes, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Whoever you tell will be in danger.”
God, the look he gave her for that. It was fraught .
Almost begging her not to go any further.
“You already are, honestly. I’m cutting it fine here.”
“Okay, but what happens if I guess it. Is it okay if I guess things?”
“Maybe. Possibly. Could be that way.”
She paused, considered. “So this witch, she cast a spell.”
“We’ve already established that.”
“And she put some terms and conditions into it.”
“Maybe. Honestly, I don’t know. Sometimes I think she did, other times it feels like…
” He paused, rolling the whole thing over in his mind.
“It feels like things the devil is doing to make this harder. To make it impossible. She’s just too nice and reasonable and clever.
I just don’t think she would make it this difficult on purpose. ”
“Well, either way, you have to meet the criteria.”
“I suppose you could put it that way.”
“Like in Beauty and the Beast .”
He let out a low whistle. “Hoo boy , that’s close.”
“She has to want to be with you.”
“Getting warmer. Much warmer.”
“So more than want. She has to tell you she loves you. By a certain point.”
“By the end of this year. Damn, you’re good at this game. Too good. We should stop.”
“So what happens if I don’t? Will something get me?” she asked, laughing a little as she did. Then she got those eyes of his, meeting hers in a very pointed, near guilty sort of way. And she knew. “Something already tried to get me. In the bedroom. In your bedroom.”
“I didn’t realize there was a hole in the protection around the house. I’ve plugged it now, if it helps.”
“And the writing. That was to help, too.”
“I just wanted you to protect yourself in case I stopped being able to.”
“Because you already are protecting me. You already have. When there was that dog thing on the road. The one that made me run it off the road, and then—” This time she was the one sitting back in her chair, flabbergasted.
And so much so she couldn’t at first finish the thought.
It took her a good thirty seconds to get there, and when it came it was almost a gasp.
“Holy crap. Holy crap, you’re the reason the car did that weird thing. When it seemed to hang in the air.”
“Well, what was I gonna do? Let you be crushed to death?”
“Don’t say it like you did something bad, Jack. You caught a car with your bare hands. You bench-pressed it. And then, oh my god, oh my god, that’s how you got me out. You moved the whole dashboard. You ripped the seat belt in two.”
She illustrated all these incredible moves with her hands as she said it. She had to, because she could see he wasn’t accepting just how amazing that was. In fact, even with her yanking and shoving imaginary obstacles in front of his face, he still seemed to resist. He gave her a look .
An exasperated one.
“Okay, all right, we get it, I’m grotesquely strong.”
“ Grotesque is not the word.”
He raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Then what is?”
“Awe-inspiring, dude. You saved my life with your superhuman strength.”
“Yeah, from something my dumbass caused.” He shook his head and looked away, marveling at his own gall.
“I should never have revealed to you that I needed help. Never. I was getting desperate after years of trying to be better on my own, to be worthy on my own, and failing, failing, failing. And so I told myself it was safe to do what I did, to reach out, and it wasn’t and it’s almost gotten you killed, like, twelve times.
Honestly, stopping your untimely demise is now practically my full-time job.
And all because I couldn’t do things the normal way.
I couldn’t just learn how to be normal after ten years like this,” he said, with so much bitterness aimed at himself she had to reassure him.
She went to, one hand reaching for the fist he’d made on the table.
Only before she could, she replayed what he’d said in her head.
“Wait. Did you just say twelve times ? As in, many more than once or twice?”