Chapter 12
SAMANTHA
I stare at the box of my favorite chocolates and the note on top. It was on my desk this morning, and I’m just now getting time to open it. People have been in and out of the office all day, and I wanted to open it in private.
I open the envelope and slowly pull the card out. “Any time you walk into a room, you make it brighter. If you need a reminder, I’m happy to be it.”
My eyes widen. Does this mean that I’m about to find out who’s leaving the notes, chocolates, and flowers? This has been going on for a little over a week now. The notes are sweet, sometimes sexy, but it’s starting to drive me a little crazy.
I open my drawer and pull out a dozen notes.
One after another, I start to review them.
Like always, I compare the first one to the others, and the handwriting on the first one is different than the others. I’ve tried to put a reason to this, but I still don’t have a direct answer.
“My life is better with you in it.”
“I hope you know how strong you are. You’re doing better than you think.”
“You deserve to be loved.”
When I got that one, I instantly thought of my talk with Elijah. He’s the one that keeps saying I deserve things. As a matter of fact, with everything, it looks like it’s Elijah sending me the gifts, but I haven’t let my mind set on that. I don’t want to believe it and then be wrong.
I read through the next few notecards and am surprised when Elijah knocks on my open door.
I can feel the heat instantly start to rush to my face. He acts as if he doesn’t see the notes as he looks at the box of chocolates. “Mounds bars. Your favorite.”
The fact that he knows that is telling. He has to be the one sending me the flowers, the notes, the chocolates and candies. “Yeah, they are my favorite.”
He comes into my room and puts his hands on the desk. “What are you doing tonight?”
It’s Friday night. It’s almost embarrassing to tell him that I have no plans, but I shrug. “I don’t have anything to do. Do you need me to work late?”
He shakes his head. “No, I want you to come to my house for dinner.”
Surprised doesn’t even cover it. “Me and Kane?”
He shakes his head. “No. I mean, if you’re more comfortable with Kane being there, then I can invite him, but I was hoping that you and I could have dinner together. I want to talk to you about a few things.”
I try not to act like Elijah asking me to dinner is not like a dream come true, but it is. I start to stutter yes but can’t seem to get it out, so I nod my head.
He leans toward me and puts a hand on my cheek. “Is that a yes?”
Wide-eyed, I stare at him. “Yes… yes, I’ll come for dinner.”
He looks very pleased, and I am totally surprised when he bends over and presses his lips to my forehead. “Great. I’ll follow you home after work and then drive you over to my house.”
I shake my head. “No, then you’ll have to take me home later. I can just drive.”
With his hands on the arm rest of each side of me, I catch my breath. The closeness and the way he’s looking at me is both exciting and nerve-wracking.
He tilts his head and smirks, as if he knows how he affects me. “If it’s okay with you, I’d rather drive you. I’ll worry about you out at night by yourself.”
Unable to say anything, I just nod.
He lifts his arm and looks at his watch. “What do you think about cutting out early?”
I gasp and then smirk. “I don’t know. My boss may not be happy with that.”
He smiles. “I think he’ll be okay with it.” He tucks a stray piece of hair off my face, behind my ear. “Plus, I’m ready for our date to start.”
I suck in a gasp. “Date?”
He nods. “Yeah, grab your stuff. Let’s get out of here.”
I sit in shock for a few seconds, and then he helps me to my feet. I pick up my tote bag and load it up with my planner and note pads. He takes it from my hand, along with my purse, and asks, “Anything else?”
I shake my head. “No, that’s it.”
He leads me through the office, and people are looking at us curiously as he lets everyone know we’re heading out. I avoid most everyone’s looks, but I do see Carrie wink at me. I feel the heat rise in my face as I follow Elijah out the door.
He helps me to my car. “I’ll pick you up at Kane’s apartment.”
I drive toward home, but the whole time, I’m looking in the rearview mirror. As soon as I pull into the complex parking lot, Elijah pulls in behind me.
He gets out, helps me from the car, and then walks me around to the passenger side.
We’re halfway across town before I think about my brother. “Oh, I should probably text Kane and let him know I won’t be home for dinner.”
He nods. “Yeah, but I want to let you know that I already told him. I was excited you said yes to dinner, so I told him.”
I turn in my seat. “You were excited about us having dinner?”
He smiles widely. “Yes.”
We drive across town, and he pulls into a gated driveway. I’m in awe of the house and barely remember to close my mouth when he looks over at me.
I hate to say it, but this is a little bit awkward with the silence. Usually, we talk, but this feels different. As he parks, I’m about to open the door, and he tells me to hold on.
He jogs around his truck and opens the door, helping me down.
He leads me inside and takes my purse from me.
“Can I show you around?”
I nod and follow him from room to room. His house is nothing like I imagined, but it fits him perfectly.
All the wood is big and dark and bold. The rooms are cozy and welcoming.
He shows me his bedroom and the spare rooms, and then we end up back in the living room.
“What do you think about grilled chicken for dinner?”
“It sounds good. Put me to work.”
He guides me to the kitchen with his hand on the small of my back. His touch is like an imprint on me and heats up my body.
“I didn’t bring you here to cook for me.”
I lean against the counter. “I’m trying to figure out exactly why you brought me here.”
He grabs lettuce and vegetables from the refrigerator and sets them on the counter. He ignores my question. “You want to do the salad?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
He gives me a cutting board and knife, and I get to work. I keep watching him out of the corner of my eye, trying to make sense of all this.
He gets out the chicken, preps it, and turns on his indoor grill. He’s quick and efficient, and as I finish cutting up all the vegetables for the salad, he has chicken grilled and potatoes made.
He quickly sets the table, and we both sit down to eat.
A few bites in, I see him watching me, and I know I can’t just go on without any answers. “What is this?”
He stabs a piece of chicken. “Dinner.”
I try to let his answer placate me, but it doesn’t. I’m someone that always needs answers. I don’t like surprises, and now I like them less and less. I stab the salad with my fork, and we eat in silence until it becomes too much for me. “This is really good, Eli.”
It feels like instead of eating, he’s watched me the whole time, but he agrees. “The salad is really good too.”
I point at his food. Heck, he’s barely touched it. “You haven’t eaten anything.”
He shakes his head and forces his gaze to his plate. “Sorry, I’m enjoying watching you.”
My eyes widen, and I swallow the bite I just ate. I set my fork down and straighten my shoulders. “What’s going on?”
He looks at me with confusion.
I gesture to the food and then us. “What is this? Did you bring me here to let me go or—”
He cuts me off. “No, of course not. I won’t lie to you, Sass. You know that. Well, I take that back. I have lied to you before, but I’ll never do it again.”
A cold chill goes down my back. “You lied to me? When? About what?”
He’s still, watchful, and speaks very slowly, as if he’s worried that what he’s about to say is going to bother me. “Five years ago, when we kissed, I lied to you and told you it was because of the alcohol.”
I grip the edge of the table, needing something to hold on to. “Why did you kiss me?”
He reaches for me but must think twice, and his hand drops to the table just a few inches from mine. “I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I couldn’t imagine not kissing you.”
I shake my head, confused. “But—”
He nods. “I know. I screwed up. I told you it was because of the alcohol. You were twenty years old. I was thirty, and I was worried about Kane and—”
I shrug. “What? You’re not worried about Kane now?”
He looks into my eyes. “I talked to him today. I told him I wanted to start dating you.”
Shocked, I scoot my chair back from the table and stand up, hand on my round belly. “I can imagine how that went. Did he remind you I’m pregnant? Wait, let me do it. I’m pregnant, Elijah.”
He stands up and comes around the table to stand next to me. Like any other time he’s this close, my senses go haywire. He reaches for me, and right before his palm touches me, he asks for permission. “May I?”
I nod, and he puts his hand on my belly and holds me there. “I think I know you’re pregnant, Sassy. I was there. I heard the heartbeat. I saw him on the screen. Hell, I have a printout on my refrigerator.”
I turn my head to look at the refrigerator, and sure enough, the pictures from last week’s appointment are up there. “I had wondered why you wanted a second set and then where they went. Why? I don’t understand.”
I’m so confused by it all. Elijah cups my cheek in his palm. “Date me? That’s all I’m asking, for you to consider dating me. We can spend time together, get to know each other, and see where this goes.”
I bring my hand up and cover his. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
He drops his hand from my face. “You don’t want to be with me?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not it.”
He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “What is it then?”
I take a step back to try and clear my senses. It would be so easy to just fall at his feet and beg him for whatever he’s willing to give me. His time, his heart, his all.
But I only have a little bit of self-preservation left, and I’m going to need to muster every ounce of it. “I’m pregnant, and I can’t just think about me now.”
He shakes his head, confused. “What does that even mean, Sassy?”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “It means that if I was just thinking about me, I wouldn’t even hesitate. Anything you wanted from me you could have.” I curve my hand around my belly. “But now I have to think about him.”
He takes a step toward me. “You think I’m not thinking about him?”
I put my hands on my hips and stare up at the man that I would give anything to say is mine.
This has to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
“I’m sure you are thinking about him. Elijah, you have this thing about you that you have to fix everything and everyone. I’m something that has to be fixed.”
“Bullshit,” he mutters. “You don’t have to be fixed. You’re not broken, Sass. That asshole didn’t break you. You’re too strong for that.”
I take a step back. “But I’m not. I’m trying to be, and I want to be, but I’m not strong.” I suck in a breath and blow it out. “I wouldn’t survive dating you and then it ending.”
I take a few steps back, needing the distance. “When Jason walked away, I didn’t care, Elijah. It didn’t hurt me. But if you did, it would break me, I know it would, and I can’t break. Not now.”
I cup my belly and stare at the only man I’ve ever truly loved.
He doesn’t like what I’m saying, and I don’t blame him. He reaches for me but then crosses his arms over his chest. “I promise I won’t break you, Sass.”
I blurt out a laugh. “You can’t promise that.”
He nods and steps toward me slowly, as if he’s not wanting to spook me.
When he stops right in front of me, one of his hands curves around my belly, and the other cups my cheek.
“I can promise you that because I will never hurt you. I want to be with you, and I will wait until you’re ready.
Until you trust that I’m not going to hurt you. ”
Darn it, I can’t say no to him. It doesn’t help matters that I don’t want to say no. I want to throw all caution to the wind and beg him to take me right here, right now, but I don’t do that. As calmly as I can muster, I nod my head. “Okay.”
I barely get the word out and he has me pulled against him, chest to chest. He’s hugging me like he never wants to let me go. My voice is muffled as I continue. “On one condition.”
He tenses and leans back to look at me, but he doesn’t let me go. “What condition?”
“This is just fun, Eli. No promises. No expectations. No one is getting hurt.”
He wants to argue with me, and a part of me wants him to. I wish this could be more, but I’m trying to be realistic about it all. He huffs. “Okay, whatever you need. I’m just asking you to give us a chance.”
I put my hand on his chest and play with the button of his shirt. “Fun… that’s all this can be, okay, Eli?”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you need.”
He backs away from me, and I know I’ve disappointed him, but he forces a smile to his face. “Have a seat in the living room. I’m going to clean up the kitchen, and I’ll be right in.”
He picks up the plates from the table, and I pick up the serving plate and salad bowls, following behind him.
He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. He gives me some plastic bags to put the food in and washes the dishes.
We work together in silence, and I hate that I’ve turned this night into this. Needing to hear his voice, I ask, “Talk to me, Eli. How are your mom and your brothers?”
He puts the last dish into the drainer and is wiping his hands off on the towel. “Mom is somewhere in France. She sends me texts and pictures every few days. She’s living her best life. My brothers are good. They’re all staying busy and out of trouble.”
He gestures to the living room. “Want to watch a movie?”
I nod, even though I can’t imagine staying awake for a whole movie, but I’m determined to give it a try. “Sure. I’m going to use the ladies’ room first.”
He nods, and I disappear down the hallway. When I come back, he has the television on, the lights low, and he’s standing next to the couch.
He holds his hand out to me, and I reach for him, putting mine in his.
He pulls me toward him, and then we sit on the couch next to each other, his hip against mine, and I’m surprised when he doesn’t let my hand go.
He brings it between the two of us, and his fingers caress my skin, stroking back and forth.
It feels so good that my nipples pebble just from the hand play. I can feel my cheeks heat just from his touch.
“I put on the new action flick that just came out. Are action movies still your favorite?”
I nod. “I’m surprised you remember that.”
He squeezes my hand. “I remember everything about you.”
I lean my head against his shoulder and snuggle into him. I know I said no promises and no expectations, but I am going to try and enjoy this as much as I can.